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Comment by Justin Buck on May 2, 2011 at 8:46am

I just wanted to stop by and tell everybody Hi and have a great day.

Comment by BillySFCVFD on November 30, 2010 at 3:04pm

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent nunnery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so".

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. "You have now been here ten years. You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "Sister Mary Katherine, you have now been here for fifteen years. You may say two more words today."

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but bitch since you got here."

Comment by Oldman on July 20, 2010 at 5:23pm

Two brothers, 8 and 6 years old, were getting ready for breakfast when the older brother said, "I think we're old enough to start using cuss words like grown-ups, so when we go eat breakfast, let's use some cuss words. I'll say, "Hell", and you say, "Fat Ass." They agreed and went to breakfast.

After sitting down, their mother asked the 8-year-old what he wanted for breakfast. He replied, "Oh Hell, I think I will have some Cheerios." "What did you say?" his mother yelled. She went over and slapped him so hard that he fell out of his chair. She picked him up off the floor, dragged him to his room, and slammed the door.

When she got back in the kitchen, the 6-year-old was sitting there wide-eyed. She asked sharply, "Now young man what do you want for breakfast?" he stuttered and said, "I don't know but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!!"

Comment by Oldman on November 3, 2009 at 7:13pm

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel. After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Comment by Eric Hamlett on June 1, 2009 at 11:16pm

A blond haired lady called to report a fire. She ways asked how to get there. She replied in the big red trucks.

Comment by Oldman on May 29, 2009 at 4:49pm

Importance of Walking

1. Walking 20 minutes can add to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
home at $7000 per month.

2. My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60..
Now he's 97 years old...
and we haven't a clue where the hell he is..

3. I like long walks,
especially when they are taken
by people who annoy me.

4. The only reason I would take up walking
is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

5. I have to walk early in the morning,
before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

6. I joined a health club last year,
spent about 400 bucks.
Haven't lost a pound.
...apparently you have to actually go there.

7. Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

8. I do have flabby thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers them.

9. The advantage of exercising every day
is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

10. If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
start with a small country.

11. I know I got a lot of exercise
the last few years,......
just getting over the hill was enough.

12. We all get heavier as we get older,
because there's a lot more information in our skulls.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

AND

13. Every time I start thinking too much
about how I look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave,
I look just fine..

You could run this over to your friends
But just e-mail it to them!

Comment by A R Shafiu on May 23, 2009 at 11:10am

Comment by BillySFCVFD on May 16, 2009 at 12:00pm

You've probably already seen this but it's still
funny the second time around.
Gotta pee... Two women friends had gone for
a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and
loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic
on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
she would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of
panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, to she proceeded
to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned
that his normally sweet and innocent wife
was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other
husband and said , 'These girl nights out have got to stop!
I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home
with no panties!!'
'That's nothing,' said the other husband, 'Mine came back
with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on May 6, 2009 at 12:52pm

Add your own comments

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on May 6, 2009 at 12:19pm

Embarrassing Medical Exams

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab !' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, Lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.


Submitted by Dr. Mark Mac Donald, San Francisco




2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Big breaths,'. I instructed. ' Yes, they used to be,'. . replied the patient.


Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA




3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ' massive internal fart.'


Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg




4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'. . . I asked.
'The patch . . . the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! 'I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.


Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA




5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked. ' How long have you been bedridden ?' After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'


Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR




6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . ..' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . . Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'


Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI




7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered .
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said ' Sorry . . .had to mow the lawn.'


Submitted by RN no name




AND FINALLY ! ! ! . . .. . . . .. . . . . . . . . .


8. As a new, young MD doing my residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you ?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard .
.' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'


Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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