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Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 21, 2010 at 3:59pm

Ralph, so the old saying "if you cant stand the heat stay out of the kitchen" applies? Only the whole house in this case. Had to be some dang good Chilli then.
Wow! sunny an waRm here today. Gonna get out the "Firey Chariot" an go riding. Have a great day.

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 10, 2010 at 8:00pm

Sorry, it didnt have anything to do with Scottish. Just to dang funny....

Comment by Jay Nicholson on February 10, 2010 at 7:54pm

I don't remember my wife ever being in New Mexico, but Judge #3 describes her to a tee!

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 10, 2010 at 5:24pm

New Mexico Chili Cookoff

If you can read this whole story without

laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to

the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even

better. For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know

how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time

Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at

the Santa Fe Plaza . Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named

Frank, who was visiting from Asheville, NC.

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The original

person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing

there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light

truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges

(Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and,

besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I

accepted and became Judge #3.' Here are the scorecard notes from

the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1-- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 --Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell
is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from
your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out.
I hope that's the worst one.. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor,needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm
supposed to taste
besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the
Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look
on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2-- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting
Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I
ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front
part of my chest.. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much
of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my
tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste
buds? Sally, the beer maid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills.
This 300 lb woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear
waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 --My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no
longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good
balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic.
Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames.
I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through
the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally.
Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2-- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili
peppers at the last moment.. **I should take note that I am worried
about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth,
pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye,
and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is
covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are
full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll
know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful.
Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just
suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold
but spicy enough to declare its
existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when
Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on
top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder
how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 -- No report.

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 9, 2010 at 4:36pm

Two beautiful days and I'm stuck at home with an injured thumb. ARGGG!! Want to be on my Firey Chariot ridding in the wind.

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 6, 2010 at 7:36pm

LMFAOF!! I was messing with you as to what you said about your wife. LOL! Settlin in to watch some NASCAR. Bunch of us will be together tomorrow to watch the Super Bowl together. Good times.

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on February 5, 2010 at 1:41am

HUH?

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on January 30, 2010 at 12:59am

Well, the Crab feed went well. Small turn-out so there was plenty of Crab to take home. Yeahhhh the weekend is here.

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on January 23, 2010 at 2:23pm

Got a work party today to cook, clean and crack 75 crab for our Dept crab feed tomorrow. Should be fun.
As to the pints set up a few and I'll share some stories too. Have a great day Bro. Be safe-ish!

Comment by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on January 23, 2010 at 4:04am

Cracked me up. Just had a MVA where this lady drunk ran over a cliff and got out before our arrival. Was hidding in the ditch when PD arrived. Apparently her Husband was in a truck in front of her and didnt see her wreck. He shows up latter. Turns out he's drunk too, driving suspended. They both go to jail and both cars got towed.Froze my ass off standing out there on the road waiting for the tow to get done. Stupid people are stupid... LOL!

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