The Social Network & Community JUST for Firefighters
Firefighters who are in a relationship, HOW do you make time for your wife/girlfriend?!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and he just became a firefighter..and the entire process was a sacrifice for both of us and very challenging for me to keep busy knowing i could not see him as much due to him studing and staying focus. Now that he is an official "firefighter' there happens to be less time..does this fade away will it get better. Im trying to be understanding but I guess he thinks I'm not. Advice anyone?!! Please!!!
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by derek on
-
when someone new joins the dept. it is new to them but i tell all my recruits to take care of your family or private life first or they might not be someone there when u need then the newness will wear off and life will be somewhat normal again but remember the fire service is a calling,not everyone it up to it,be proud and support him but he should also support you as well.good luck.i went thru it 18 years ago
-
Permalink Reply by Lester Pearsall on
-
After spending 21 years in the military, I guess my wife (18 years) understands the way it is. Sure you'll wish that he was there for birthdays, or even dinner (can't count how many plates of food I've left on the table or my daughters graduation from grade school) but like I told a co-worker at my other job when asked why I just didn't turn my pager off at work, if we all did then who would respond. I'm not going to sugar coat it and tell you it will get easier, just do like my wife does, grabs my pager as I go out the door and tells me she loves me then listens to the run until we clear the scene. Support your firefighter because he is yours.
-
Permalink Reply by Finn Volunteer on
-
Been married for 6 years, been together with my wife 10 years and Volunteer FF 11 years.
She married me and volunteer firefighter.
Shes having hard time sometimes when calls are long and dangerous.
She´s been in Fire deparment ( different one than mine) with her dad, so she knows what´s this all about, how things go...
I don´t blame her.
She works voluntary at Finnish Red Cross; Search and Rescue- local unit, and "aftermath"-crew, they work with familys, whos member have commited suicides, or died in MVA´s, and helps people who have lost their home in fire, etc.
I don´t know proper word for it in english.. Something like Mental support-unit..
I´m scared, when she goes to where someone is in line of suicide, and they go and try to speak this person to change his/hers mind about it..
What if something happens to her ??
-
Permalink Reply by Dustin J. Millis on
-
Yeah... it will get better with time. When he first got on it probably seemed like he was always at the firehouse or at fireclass or hanging with his fire buddies. Thats all just part of it though. I'm lucky enough to have a very supportive GF who understands that when the tones drop its time to go. Now I'm not saying that if we are out to dinner or a movie or something that I'm gona drag her outa there... NO WAY!!! She would kick my ass lol. But seriously... I try to put her first especially when we go out for the night. On the flip side... there have been plenty of times when were both ready to have some fun upstairs when the pager goes off and 99% of the time, I tell her the bedroom is gona have to wait.
Anyway.... I know its tough for both of you but your BF really needs as much support as you can give him right now. Its a stressful job and hes gona start seeing some things that he never wanted to. There's gona be alot of "bad" calls where he comes home and cant sleep for a couple of nights. It happens to everyone sooner or later.
Just be there for each other, support each other as much as possible and in the end you will be very happy together
-
Permalink Reply by Chief 29 on
-
We are all different but there has to be some time set apart for the two of you. Try by telling him you are going to set up some sog's for your relationship. Your time means your time, when you are together you need to make the best of it and if a call comes in decide together if his assistance is needed. Make sure that time is set aside for the two of you even if it's only a little. Be supportive and try not to be the voice of discontent when it comes to what he does. There have been different ideas for you like being involved on some level yourself. Check out your options and try them out, they might work and they might not. Also check with him before you join yourself, I know some guys would consider that an invasion of their space and others would appreciate it. We are all different. I wish you luck.
-
Permalink Reply by John on
-
True, Its a hard career and I am sure things will calm down some but we have alot of stuff on our plates and support is a big thing.
-
Permalink Reply by Beverly on
-
Could be that you have so many ex (wife/girlfriends) because you told them to "get over it"...never say that to a woman...
-
Permalink Reply by Kimberly A Bownas on
-
Blanca, I have been a firefighter for 17 years and I have to say that my husband is also a firefighter and he actually is Deputy Chief and running for Chief this year. We have sat a talked about him running for that position because he is afraid that it will take him away from the family even more. I told him to run and not worry about it. He works a of overtime in his paid job cause of the economy and so we see each but sometimes it is just it passing. I support him and he supports me and we have been married now going on 10 years. Is it a piece of cake? no not at all but, if you really love him then you need to standby him and support him. There are going to be times that he will really need you to be there for him.
I would also say the same as the rest, help out when there are things that can be done like the fundraisers. We are a family and it is always great when we do things all together. Good luck...
-
Permalink Reply by Smoke Eater on
-
It is extremely hard for me because I have a full time job and I am a Captain at my vol. fire dept. Being a Capt. means that I have board meetings to attend, I have to make sure equipment is checked, then I also have our monthly dept. meetings to attend. Plus any training that we do on a weekend. I have a wife and 2 small kids who understand but are not happy about the time that I have to spend away from home. Maybe once he gets started with his job and gets settled in to the new lifestyle change then things will slow down and you guys can get back on track. Good luck and just hang in there.
-
Permalink Reply by Dave on
-
No...you dont have to do anything!! You choose to put your family behind the vollie dept.
-
Permalink Reply by Robert Owens on
-
I have been a firefighter since I was 15 years old...I come from a firefighting family. I met my wife in middle school (we knew each other but did not date until she was in college)....She has known from DAY 1 what my family legacy is and what I was gonna do.
While my wife is the mother of my kids and I lover her dearly....the fire department was here before her and if she ever chose to leave it will be here after her. I would say my Kids are number 1 and my wife and the FD are tied for second.
Now it does help that she has been involved in EMS since she was 13 and her family is an EMS family (her dad mom godfather and all her sisters are EMTS and or nurses) so she understands alot of the stresses that I face at my job. Just today for example I came home from a tour that was extremly busy and she recognized that and let me get some sleep even though that meant she was stuck with the kids by herself.
Some things we do that I think is great is 1. we never argue when I am at work or at the vollie house, she knows that I need to keep focused on what I am doing. 2. for every training class I attend I have to take the family out for an outing either dinner or for a walk or something to balance the time. She recognizes the importance of training and family time so we make this agreement. 3. every month we have a date nite where we ship the kids off and we have daddy and mommy time. 4. she is very involved in my work life she comes by to see me all the time with the kids of course and she usually always brings the guys a treat so much so that the guys tell me to call her so she will bring us something.
Hope that helps good luck and don't break his balls to much if something is bother you then you gotta talk....you may find out you were not cut out to be a firefighters wife or girlfriend and you would nto be the first or the last to figure that out.
-
Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
-
Blanca, with all things like this service, we tend to put our heart and soul into it a first. Both because we have to and we feel a need to. When I started out I know my wife had a hard time with my service. We were newly married and we knew there would be sacrifices to be made because of the need for training and response. My wife got involved with the Dept and actually began a Officers wives group to support one another as well as the Dept. I actually was a help to us both. Now after 28 years it is much better as I have settled down (WOW! did I say that?) and of course being the Chief I see the importance of dividing my time between the Dept and my family. Actually see my family as more important. My wife and I lost touch with each other 11 years ago and now are back together and married again. We were married 20 years the first time. Your support to your boyfriend is important but so is his support of you. It takes both parties working on a relationship to make it work. Good luck Blanca.
© 2024 Created by Firefighter Nation WebChief.
Powered by
