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Firefighters who are in a relationship, HOW do you make time for your wife/girlfriend?!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and he just became a firefighter..and the entire process was a sacrifice for both of us and very challenging for me to keep busy knowing i could not see him as much due to him studing and staying focus. Now that he is an official "firefighter' there happens to be less time..does this fade away will it get better. Im trying to be understanding but I guess he thinks I'm not. Advice anyone?!! Please!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Allen Wahlstrom on
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Blanca - family comes first...period. When they don't, nothing else works, it is as simple as that.
I have been in this over 25 years now and while my ex had a hard time with the danger of the job, she and my kids always came before the department. Today I am happily married and my wife met me as a firefighter, and has known me in no other job, so it's just what I do. She understands the tradition, history and family connection to the job, so I am truly lucky.
Guys/Girls...as much as firefighing is in our blood, it is a job (paid or not) and that pretty much puts it fourth on the list of priorities behind god, country, and family. For you vollies who cant miss a call, trust me there are others who can do your job. You do not have to neglect your family/girlfriend/boyfriend for 4 hour business meetings, bs calls, hanging out at the station, etc...balance...its all about balance.
Blanca...have a talk with him whne you are in a good mood. explain how you feel, and ask him what you are to expect. If you get answers you can not live with, well...time to reconsider.
TCSS
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Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
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Well said Bro! Well said!
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Permalink Reply by shawn on
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I'll tell ya this is a very touchy subject for most FF's. I started with the in the Fire Service at the young age of 14, and am now 26. I still have the same passion for the job as I did then, yes.. it is a job weather its vol. or paid. Some need it just as much as the air we breath. Give it sometime maybe the newness of it will wear off over time, but certinally not overnight. I hate to sound rude or ignorant, but I was with the service well before I got into the dating thing. It truley became a part of me. And including the G/F I currently have, my words from the get go were " It was here before u and will be here after you". Some said I can deal with that, then after a while realized that the couldn't.. But I would think that if he is paid he would get enough of it while on shift. But do realize that this job is a never ending job of learning, and he does need to stay up to date with schooling standards set forth by the NFPA. But over the years I have learned to recongnize the times that you cant respond, like.... Funerals and weddings, and stuff that comes once in a life time. But also know, that you strong support and love will also keep him comming home to you safe knowing he has something worth comming home to, that alone can help keep him safe on the job. But also realize, problems at home regarding his career or anything for that matter will only take away from his focus on the job, and I think you can fill in what will happen.... eventually. Take it from someone who is well seasoned, and was also a career FF for the FDNY from 2000-2002. Even though i'm young, I have seen alot, and alot of it was my brothers and sisters going thru what you are now.. Good luck to you, and i will bw more that happy to help anyway possible.!!
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Permalink Reply by John Rulli Jr. on
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It's in our blood! Things won't get better if you can't accept the fact that it's his life! My girlfriend is verry supportive when it comes to the fire dept. It's verry hard on a relationship. I'm going on my 3rd week in a row not being able to see my girlfriend. I want to see her in the worst way but the fd has me all tied up. I alwayse tell her how much she means to me and thank her for being so understanding when it comes to the fire dept. She tells me it's hard but she loves me and supports me in what I do. It takes a special person to a firefighters gal/boy. It means the world to me knowing my girl supports me being a firefighter!!! When the tones drop and she isn't with me she calls me and tells me be safe call me when you get home i'll be listening on my scanner!! She gets a rush out of listening to us.
Best of luck!
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Permalink Reply by Denise Co 29 on
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My boyfriend was in the fire service when I met him. I was very proud of him and supportive unlike his ex-wife. I also joined to be involved with fund raiser and now I am the company photographer and also training . I have taken my first aid, CPR AED , just took hazmat awareness and opps, and I would like to take first responder next. I love being a part of it and it also gives me time with my significant other.
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Permalink Reply by Robert on
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You do not make time for your BF/ Wife. You make time for your job/ career. Family comes first. While yes I have left some very important thing's and events for firefighting. And I am sure I will again. But my wife knew I was fire before we got married. Hell on our wedding day I went to a fire at the local highschool. But know she is getting into ems so she will understand better anyway. Know the question is who leaves first. Fire or ems?
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Permalink Reply by Bobby on
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It'll get better, I've been married over 2 years and with this wonderful for 4 years prior. Yes she gets flat out pissed when i leave in the middle of supper, opening presents on Christmas morning, or in the middle of our time. But she knows and understands why I do it. In some ways (i hate to say this) capt is right, we are a special breed, especially us volunteers, but he should be making it up to you in other ways and they shouldn't cost anything at all. my wife and step son go to meetings and fundraisers with me so they can visit with other spouses and kids, but also they are with me workin together. Bottom line he may be paying more attention to the job now but that's only because he knows you are there behind him in support and love.
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Permalink Reply by Padre Pete on
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Blanca, When we got married 37 years ago I warned her that, having been a firefighter for the previous ten years, she had to be prepared to share me with my other passion. She has always had a full time career and has never joined the service but has been totally supportive and has always understood that anything so totally fulfilling to me has to make me a better person and us a better team. She is so great to come home to. Good luck. God speed.
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Permalink Reply by John Mc. on
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My situation was quite unpleasant. Me and my girlfriend have been together off and on for 4 years. Once i joined the fire service we were constantly arguing and then she joined and she went on calls but if i went we would start fighting because i went on a call.
Times have been tough and every weekend i spend as much time as possible with her and same from her to me. Its always been a bit of a struggle considering our stations are in 2 different counties. But you know what, we gave it a shot and been trying our best to accept the fact that were very busy people. Were trying our hardest and through all the drama weve been through i know you and your boyfriend will do just fine =)
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Permalink Reply by ffbam24 on
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No. She's psycho.
You "have been together off and on for 4 years."
She starts a fight because you go on calls.
"It's always been a bit of a struggle..."
No relationship is worth this!
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Permalink Reply by Guerrerita on
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Your boyfriend/husband (since I'm a girl) has to ALSO be a firefighter! Then they get that when the pager goes, so do you!
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