I heard something on Miami Ink last night that got my attention. It was a mom getting a tatoo to help her remember who she was because she had lost herself in her kids. I don't think loosing yourself in your kids is necessarily a bad thing, but you have to remember who you are no matter what happens.
When I got married I immediately became "T's ole' lady" and I carried this identity for a few years. Then our first born became my identity and I was now also known as "Pooter's Mom". Then Toad was born and I had yet another identity "Toad's Mom" which in turn brought another identity "Their Mom". Do you see where I am going with this? I only existed because they did. I did not stand alone as a person. My existance was described as someone else's "old Lady" or "Mom". I no longer had my own identity. My identity was through my husband and my kids. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and would not change it for the world, but I was disappearing. Then I became a Firefighter.
Being a firefighter was all me. I was not my husband's "ole' lady" or anyone's "Mom". For the first time in a long time I was me, an individual. I had an identity that stood for me. This was who I was. I was a Firefighter. And I was proud to carry that identity.
Not carrying that identity anymore has been hard. Walking away from the dept was one of the hardest things I have done. I miss it every day. My goal is to return as soon as my kids are old enough and be a Firefighter again.
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