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Married in the Company
How do you all handle having a spouse in your company? Esp. w/ kids? How do you decide who stays and who goes? Do you think it has a good effect on your marriage? Did you marry before or after you joined? Did you meet there?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Scamehorn on
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First question, Having my wife on the dept doesn't effect anything other than I might behave slightly more mature than if she wasn't there... BUT her expectations for my behavior aren't extremely high to begin with and she puts up with more than most women would. So not much of an issue.... Besides that when it's my turn for food commitee she gets the task!!!! :)
Second question whoever responds to the pager first goes on the call. Or the one not tied up with a kido at the moment. If it's late at night it's usually mine. There are times she calls out I'm going there's times. Sometimes I call out all yours and vice verea. Within a sec we usually determine who's going and the kido's just know that if the pager goes off one of us is bolting out the door.
I think overall it's been a positive effect on our marrage. I know it has been a positive effect on her self esteem and self image of herself.. There have been moments were I have wondered if it would be better if she wasn't on the dept. But overall I think it has helped our marrage.
Third question, Yes we were married before both joining. I joined first and a year later she asked me if it would be okay r if I would have a problem with her joining and I said to go for it. Never really second guessed that desicion yet.
The only rule we have set is that if we are both on the call together, only one of us is in the "Hot Zone" at a time. Wether it be inside a structure, or just in a dangerous setting. The only reason for that is so that if something seriously goes south. Only one of us is hurt or worst.... The kido's still have one of the two of us.
We also won't speed to a call if were both in the car with the kido's on way to the station.
Kido's and spouse come first....
Does that help you, without me going into great details?
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Permalink Reply by Michelle Robertson on
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lol, 1st, why does she get your food task? It's amazing what some of our guys come up with and it's usually quite good. 2nd, it's nice to hear you all have a good understanding of who goes when. 3rd, I agree, kids come first and foremost. We have the same rule in general, never on the same truck, never in the same hot zone, ect. Most times we don't even know what the other is doing. It's much better for concentaration not to know I believe. If there is a problem, someone will let us know.
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It's nice you have kids that can watch out for each other.
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I'll have to look up your post, sounds interesting. I know a few people in my Co that could use it. Being in the same company and having met and married there, I do understand the dynamics of the long hours and "brotherhood". I do see some of the wives getting upset and sometimes will try to talk to some of them. Sometimes it helps and well, you can't always make it better.
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When we first got married, it wasn't a problem, then came our son. It really wasn't to big of a deal, cause my mother in law lived w/ us, so we always had someone to stay with him. Then our daughter came along 9 yrs later and m-in-l was sick. Things got different in a hurry. She passed on and our son was too young to leave w/ the baby. IT's been a bit rough being left behind alot, but we were dealing w/ it pretty well as he got older and we could leave them, but now our son is in the company also and we're back to the who's going. Most of the time I'm ok with it, but lol, sometimes it's really hard to see those 2 go out the door and leave me. For the most part though, I'm proud as hell of them also. It's great to be a family of firefighters!!
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Permalink Reply by Beverly on
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My husband and I are both in the same dept. When we were married I was an EMT, he was a ff...different depts, not even the same state. We got married, rode to the reception (at the firehouse) in the new fire truck. When I got pregnant I left EMS, had one child, 2 1/2 yrs later had a second child, we moved to NY and my husband joined the dept here. A year later I joined, that was 3 years ago. If the kids are in school I usually go as he is at his "A" job and can only leave for structure fires, or serious incidents. When everyone is home he usually goes because he does interior and I don't. We have gone together, especially if we are on our way somewhere with the kids, one of us will stay at the station to man the radio, make a back-up crew etc. with the kids. Meeting and drill nights they either go to Grandma's house or Grandpa comes to ours (depends on if it is a school night). Details (truck cleaning, etc.) the kids usually come with us...they can wash a truck better than some adults.
Just like anything it has good and bad days within our marriage. Unlike most 2 ff marriages we have an additional issue, my husband is on the Hazmat Team, is a County Fire Instructor and a line officer in our dept., so he has many reasons to miss dinner, bedtimes and lots of other things. Does it bother me?...sometimes...Do I get over it?...yes....Does he have to "make nice"?....sometimes. I guess the deciding factor is that we live in a very rural area and are all vol. depts. and if we didn't do it who would!
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Permalink Reply by Tim on
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My wife and I both belong to fire company and it is great,My was the President of the fire company for 2 yrs and that is her side of Co,I have been an Asst.Chief for 4yrs and that is my side of Co so it works out well for us.
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Permalink Reply by Avery Dale on
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I have been in the fire department my whole life. When my wife and I first started dating I encouraged her to join up as a way to spend more time together. Even though she was a little hesitant at first she joined and has since took a few courses so she can help out on calls. She rarely goes on calls without me and when she is there is handles the paperwork. The only problem we have ever really had is on alot of calls, especially fires, she tends to forget my training and experiance and be the worried wife instead of the firefighter and that often hinders me. Like someone else posted previously I tend to be more mature around the fire house when she is there. Other than that she understands my passion for this field and we have a great relationship. We don't have any kids yet but I have a feeling that when we do the choke chain will come out.
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Permalink Reply by jesse wright on
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i am a ff1 and my wife is ems. we just usually have our nights on and off but never at the same time so one of us is allways with the kids. the best part about having my wife volunteer in the same house is that i almost never have to hear about how i dont spend enough time with her. she really is great!!!
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Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
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Not an issue with me but do recall having husband and wife in the Department in the past and there were times we had Juniors babysitting kids in the station during calls. An some strange moments of who's going and who's staying?
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Permalink Reply by Doug on
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When our children was still at home, we were fortnaute to have a neighbor that when the siren went off she would come over no matter what time of day or night,(when we had a siren) that allowed both of us to go. If the neighbor was not home, the wife stayed home and paced the floor and i went, we were married when i joined. it does not bother me to have my wife involved. sometimes it was a worry to know what she was doing on the fire ground when she wore scba. I know where she is now on the truck pumping. positive effect on the marriage. we go to training together, seminars, we go and spend the day together at the fire expos in pa.
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