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Is anyone else bothered by the make-shift memoriums that people put up after a fatal accident or fire?
Flowers, teddy bears, crosses, and statues around a site of a fatal incident are not for me. I believe you should remember these people in how they lived, not in how they died. I now have to drive by one of these sites everyday. It is lined with flowers and an angel statue. I now go by each time and remember the entire incident as it unfolded upon my eyes.
I understand many people grieve in different ways, but, I just wish there energy and thoughts would be put to better use of rememberance of the loved one.
I wonder also what road workers who mow along the highways do when come across these crosses and other items. Do they mow over them? Do they move them? Do they leave them in place? Let me know your thoughts on this topic, good, bad, and ugly.
Keep safe
sgpjroh54321
I understand many people grieve in different ways, but, I just wish there energy and thoughts would be put to better use of rememberance of the loved one.
I wonder also what road workers who mow along the highways do when come across these crosses and other items. Do they mow over them? Do they move them? Do they leave them in place? Let me know your thoughts on this topic, good, bad, and ugly.
Keep safe
sgpjroh54321
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Spanner 122 on
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I have seen some of these in place for quite some time in different areas... one in particular has been in place, in the grass beside the highway since 1998. The city workers carefully mow around it each and every summer and are careful not to disturb it. An 11 year old child died there, her mother was seriously injured. I think of her when I drive by there, not of the accident, but of the child and how she had a huge crush on my boyfriend at the time, how she danced with a local dance company and how her mother doted on her just the right amount. Wonderful child and wonderful memories. I also see two more close to my home, they were erected on trees. It's sad to see them, I know the people involved were teenagers, but nothing more.
If nothing else, they may save a life. That is my hope. The two near my home were both preventable incidents. One child was speeding, the other was drunk (separate incidents, opposite sides of the road, less than a km apart within a few months). The local kids knew them, know what happened and if nothing else, maybe when they pass by these memorials, they are reminded of how they died... reminded how easily it can happen and reminded that they need to be careful. I don't know, it's just a hope.
But you're right, people grieve in different ways. We have no right to tell them not to. I would also suggest if the memorial is giving you such ill feelings that you discuss it with someone. I know it's hard not to replay a tough call when you are reminded of it, but maybe it's a good reason to try to work through it.
I personally, would not like to be memorialized this way (heaven forbid) and would not likely do it for someone else... but knowing that is the place that someone took their last breath might leave me to pause and reflect for a moment.
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Permalink Reply by Regina Tribley on
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I dont care for these displays either. Not only should we remember someone as they lived and not died, but I always wonder how many more accidents are caused by drivers being distracted by them. I understand that people want to honor their friends and family, but to honor how they died is not really honoring them!
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Permalink Reply by turk182 on
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I don't think it is always people grieving in different ways but sometimes it might be that people dot not know how to grieve or how to deal with the loss of some one.
They might put up these memorials to let that person know how much they love they and they put them there because that is the last place they know the person was alive.
We had a neighboring department lose a fire fighter when he lost control of his vehicle on an icy road and hit a fire hydrant. so his family and fellow fire fighters place a memorial there. It does not bother me that people express their greif this way.
It's probably better that they at least express it instead of bottling it up inside, sometimes that is the only counseling they have.
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Permalink Reply by ILDisasterEMT on
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You know, in NM where I lived for a time, this kind of thing is very common. Of course there its a cultural difference. We see the convergence of so many faith traditions trying to cope with their loss: Catholicism, Santeria, Protestant-ism in a million shapes and forms, native American religions and spirituality. In that culture it is seen as a way of honoring the dead. But again, this is the culture of El Dia de los muertos where the living go to cemetaries and lay out blankets and talk and sing and celebrate the life of the person.
I lost a patient recently so I can understand that feelings of being reminded of that everyday when you drive by that spot, but I would suggest that if it troubles a responder that was on the scene that badly, the problem isnt really with the memorial, its that the loss of life that occurred to the patient under that responders care has not been given its proper attention. In some way, we all mourn the patients we lose, even if its just sitting silently for a few minutes before going back into service. But to be that intensely touched by the memory of the work you did there and the ones you could not save every single time you see it, it seems to me that the wound is still open on the part of the responder. That something about that call, those patients, that death touch the responder deeply enough, for whatever reason, that a period of time later finds it still there causing pain.
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Permalink Reply by KERMIT on
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HELLO THERE,I AGREE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS ON WHERE PEOPLE PUT THINGS AFTER FATLE ACIDENTS IT MAKES IT HARD TO GO BY THE SCENE AGAIN AFTER THE HARD WORK EVERY PUTS IN TRYING TO SAVE THE VICTUMS.BE SAFE OUT THERE.
KERMIT
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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on
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I have been told that family and friends mark the location where their loved one died because it is where their loved one died but was "reborn". It is from there that the soul or spirit arose and went to Heaven.
So I am told.
And personally, I don't mind them if they are small and tastefully done.
Road crews? Some will take them down and others will leave them up.
If they are a distraction or a hazard to traffic, then they need to come down.
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Permalink Reply by Engineco913 on
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If it makes a family feel better to mark the spot of someones death with a makeshift memorial, flowers or however who are we to judge? Is it your front lawn? Let people cope with the loss in their own way, if you blink twice you already passed it anyway
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Permalink Reply by sgpjroh54321 on
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Thank you for your comments. For your information, we did conduct a critical incident stress debriefing. It helps each of us in different ways. My problem was for a few days, non-stop thinking about the incident. I asked a few people and disscussed the situation with others. All were typical of an incident such as this. Thanks again.
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Thank you for your comments. I never thought of the aspect of distracted drivers. I will think upon this a little more.
thanks again.
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Thank you for your comments. I tend to agree that sometimes they really don't know how to grieve. And I know for a fact that we should never bottle up all of our feelings. That's were true friends and family members should come into play.
Thanks again.
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Thank you for your comments FireSiren and ILDisasterEMT. It seems just a little different that some choose to remember where they died instead of where they lived and how they lived.
Also, with time and discussing with others I work through the difficulties with certain incident reflections.
Thanks again.
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Thanks for the comments KERMIT and xchief22. Sometimes, people don't see how hard we work and the things we deal with.
I wonder who can really determine if is a distraction or not. Also, what is tasteful to one is not to others. You can't please everyone.
Stay safe.
Thanks again.
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