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Your personal relationship?
I have been contemplating for a few weeks about starting a regular blog on this site. I thought that it would be relatively easy to do, just start typing about something and make it interesting. Ok, not has easy as I thought it could be. I have to give a lot of “props” to the likes of Art and other fire service bloggers. You guys are constantly coming out with relevant topics to our service. What could I do in comparison? Then it came to me this morning. It came in the form of a 6’2” beauty, my wife.
There is an issue that sometimes we in the fire service tend to forget, especially in the volunteer side, family. Now when I say “forget” I don’t mean that they are not on our minds and in our thoughts. No, what I am saying is that sometimes we tend to forget to communicate with them about issues and situations. I believe that there are many reasons why.
Perhaps one of the primary reasons for this is because we get in to a “mode” of control and mitigation. We practice and drill and hopefully come pretty darn close to perfecting our skills in the fire service. Do you do this at home with your family? Is it working for you at home?
There is a very high rate of divorce in this service. Statistics from fireproofmymarrige.com states that the divorce rate right now is at an alarming 75%. This is one of the highest rates for any profession. Many people out there have opinions to why this is. I hope to point out a few of the obvious and talk about them in a way that we in this service can comprehend, like an after action review.
Just for disclosure, I am not a therapist or counselor. I have no formal training on marriage relationships. I do have one divorce under my belt, and hopefully not a second. I do have a lot of experience and knowledge on building team relations, such as in the fire service. Advancing in the fire service you hopefully learn some of these tools also. I will be talking about how these tools we use in the fire house can be used in your actual home also. Some of things that I talk about will come from others thoughts and concepts of marriage and the fire service. When appropriate (and when I can remember where I learned something from) I will give credit to those people, organizations, and/or materials.
In the next coming weeks I will break down some particular issues that can effect our personal relations. These are things that can go wrong from that first hello. I hope that some of you will read them and find something of use. This is primarily though a tool for me to evaluate my own personal relations. I will hopefully, in my rambling, find things about myself that I can improve in my own marriage.
We should each, live everyday to do it better. Life is a constantly evolving scene. It is dynamic like a structure fire that we are given to mitigate. It has an incipient stage, growth, fully involved, and then decay. The point of this blog is to hopefully let the decay stage be the “until death do us part” not because love died.
Be safe and learn something new today.
Add a Comment
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Comment by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on February 21, 2010 at 9:32pm
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Alex:
Go for it.
Observe. Break it down. Keep the relevant stuff. Weave it into a story.
That is all there is to it.
Oh and I use Spell check and a dictionary. Sometimes, the Spell check can be ornery.
Don't limit yourself.
Just let it flow.
I look forward to reading more of your thoughts.
TCSS.
Art
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Comment by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on February 20, 2010 at 10:27pm
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LOLOLOLOLOL
Captain Busy, I have a ton of men that I need to send over to you to have them learn those 4 words !!! LOL
Ok, a ton of women, too.
But seriously, I can not even begin to tell you how many times my mood got worse because somebody through their opinion would try to sway me to their way of thinking - WHEN I was already upset. And almost nothing makes it worse - than when it is your partner doing it! You are soooo right, at least when someone is upset, that is not the time to be rich with opinions...
Now, if only I could apply my own wisdom. LOL
P.S. I want empathy when I am upset, more than opinion. And I want my partner to BE ON MY SIDE - even if I did something stupid.
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Comment by Mike Schlags (Captain Busy) Retd on February 19, 2010 at 6:37pm
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Having 30 years under the belt with my wife as of this month I feel very confident in passing along some salient advise in regard to personal relationships. Knowing and training firefighters for over 30 years, I can honestly say that I have been able to share this advise with many young firefighters who came back years later and told me that my words were spot on.
It's not hard to figure out, neither is a good marriage relationship. Just memorize these four words:
1. I
2. Have
3. No
4. Opinion
CBz
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Comment by Capt.Alex Arnold on February 19, 2010 at 1:49pm
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and can not cen....wow do I need to start typing my comments with Word before I post? hahaha
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much hahahaha
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Thanks for your input, and yea she can pretty mach do those things except she actually benches about 170 and her 40 is more along the lines of flat 5. I had to marry an athletic woman that cen "keep me in my place." ;)
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Comment by Doug on February 19, 2010 at 1:01pm
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6'2", runs a 4.4 - 40 and can bench press 250lbs. Haha... sorry. Seriously, I look forward to reading more on this topic from you.
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