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What is the highest compliment you can give another firefighter?
Earlier in my career, I made the mistake of thinking that being a firefighter was about me. I sometimes sat around the firehouse and wished for bad things to happen to other people because I was bored. I was completely overwhelmed with testosterone and adrenalin poisoning. I did stupid things, partially because back then stupidity was an entrenched part of firefighting culture, partially because I had the mistaken belief that I was going to live forever, and partially because I was selfish and immature. Then I got married, had children, got involved in non-firefighting aspects of my community, and became an instant environmentalist when I got into swiftwater rescue and had to swim in other people's trash and even their sewage. That helped me learn in very personal ways how important other people are to all of us.
Along the way, I figured out what military people in combat instinctively know - when you're fighting an enemy that can kill you in an instant, you may be fighting for a cause, you may be fighting to protect others, and you may be fighting a battle you don't really want to fight right now, but most importantly you are fighting for your buddies, because they are the ones who help you survive the battle.
That concept is based on more than just teamwork, although teamwork is the foundation. It's brotherhood and sisterhood, it's the "You go, we go" culture, it's always being there for each other, and it's knowing that we do a job that only a fraction of 1% of the other people on this planet can do.
Once I figured this out, I started to place a much higher value on my brother and sister firefighters. On the rare slow night at work, I'd sometimes sit alone on the tailboard with only my reflections for company. I'd think about the other firefighters and paramedics I knew, how much they meant to me, and what great friends they were. Then, sadly, I started losing them.
After three of my best friends died in separate LODD incidents and another died from work-acquired cancer, I realized that I had never told them how much I respected them and how much they meant to me. That caused more than a little personal anguish. I was eventually able to come to terms with it, but as part of the process, I determined that I would never again be guilty of that omission. That led to another problem - how do you compliment a fellow firefighter/paramedic/close friend without embarassing them and yourself? How can you tell someone how much they mean to you while keeping it within the bounds of sobriety on one hand, and professionalism on the other? More importantly, what is the highest compliment that you can give to one of your own?
Do you tell them that they are your hero? That term is overused, and might be taken as a joke. Even when taken in the spirit that it's intended, it can be profoundly embarassing for the person to whom the compliment is directed.
Do you tell them that you love them? That one is fraught with the potential for trips to the chief's office, Human Resources department investigations, or union grievances.
What do you tell them? How do you say it? What is the highest compliment you can give to another firefighter?
I eventually figured it out . It's simple, it's professional, it's a high compliment, and it conveys ocean-deep meaning.
The highest compliment that you can give another firefighter is "Anywhere I'd go, I'd go with you."
Along the way, I figured out what military people in combat instinctively know - when you're fighting an enemy that can kill you in an instant, you may be fighting for a cause, you may be fighting to protect others, and you may be fighting a battle you don't really want to fight right now, but most importantly you are fighting for your buddies, because they are the ones who help you survive the battle.
That concept is based on more than just teamwork, although teamwork is the foundation. It's brotherhood and sisterhood, it's the "You go, we go" culture, it's always being there for each other, and it's knowing that we do a job that only a fraction of 1% of the other people on this planet can do.
Once I figured this out, I started to place a much higher value on my brother and sister firefighters. On the rare slow night at work, I'd sometimes sit alone on the tailboard with only my reflections for company. I'd think about the other firefighters and paramedics I knew, how much they meant to me, and what great friends they were. Then, sadly, I started losing them.
After three of my best friends died in separate LODD incidents and another died from work-acquired cancer, I realized that I had never told them how much I respected them and how much they meant to me. That caused more than a little personal anguish. I was eventually able to come to terms with it, but as part of the process, I determined that I would never again be guilty of that omission. That led to another problem - how do you compliment a fellow firefighter/paramedic/close friend without embarassing them and yourself? How can you tell someone how much they mean to you while keeping it within the bounds of sobriety on one hand, and professionalism on the other? More importantly, what is the highest compliment that you can give to one of your own?
Do you tell them that they are your hero? That term is overused, and might be taken as a joke. Even when taken in the spirit that it's intended, it can be profoundly embarassing for the person to whom the compliment is directed.
Do you tell them that you love them? That one is fraught with the potential for trips to the chief's office, Human Resources department investigations, or union grievances.
What do you tell them? How do you say it? What is the highest compliment you can give to another firefighter?
I eventually figured it out . It's simple, it's professional, it's a high compliment, and it conveys ocean-deep meaning.
The highest compliment that you can give another firefighter is "Anywhere I'd go, I'd go with you."
Add a Comment
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Comment by Enid Neeley on October 4, 2008 at 3:48pm
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you have it down right...it is the not only the highest compliment you can give -but it's done in love...and isn't that why we firefight? a love that comes from deep within-giving us-allowing us the ability to see it through together....You done good brother...
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Comment by Ben Waller on October 3, 2008 at 6:27pm
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Thank you, Mick. I'm glad we got to talk and check out the new engine. All in all a productive and positive day.
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Comment by Mick Mayers on October 2, 2008 at 9:54pm
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Good stuff. Actually, I'm glad you shared the whole story with me today before reading about it later. I think you said it even better then.
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Comment by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on October 2, 2008 at 12:42pm
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I have always felt that the "unspoken" compliment was that, when an order was given, it was followed.
No hesitation; no questions; no debate. Because that says "I trust you enough to know that you will not ask me or tell me to do something that you wouldn't do yourself."
In my mind; the greatest compliment is that we send everyone home at the end of their day and that they want to come back for their next tour of duty.
Excellent blog, Ben.
TCSS.
Art
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Comment by Mike Schlags (Captain Busy) Retd on October 2, 2008 at 12:28am
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Anywhere I'd go, I'd go with you...
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Comment by Capkurt on October 1, 2008 at 8:56pm
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Very Good. I'm going to remember this.
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Comment by Kimberly A Bownas on October 1, 2008 at 8:28pm
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Ben, I really liked what I read and find that your compliment is so perfect. I have tried to make sure that I tell any of my EMS people thank you at the end of a call and "good job" also. But it really is hard to come up with a compliment that they will take seriously or not take the wrong way... Nice job....
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Comment by Peter Lupkowski on October 1, 2008 at 1:35pm
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Even better than the old "he's a good fireman" accolade. Your compliment reflects the deep appreciation that we have for those we hold in the highest esteem.
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Comment by Tiger Schmittendorf on October 1, 2008 at 10:21am
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Great blog Ben -
Sometimes it's downright scary as to how we can relate to each other's life-changing experiences in the fire service, and I don't mean just on the fire scene.
Your compliment is tremendous as it captures and encapsulates how Chief Rick Lasky describes brotherhood in his book titled: “Pride and Ownership: A Firefighter’s Love of the Job.”
In discussing honor, pride and integrity; Chief Lasky says that “Honor is the brotherhood. To me the brotherhood means more than just a sticker on the windshield of your car. It means that when your kids are sick we help out. That when you’re having a tough time on your bills, we chip in. That when you need to move into your new house, we move you, and when that new house needs a new roof, we tear off the old one and re-roof it. It also means that I would lie next to you and burn the ears off my head before I would ever leave you in a burning building.”
That last part is the highest compliment. Your statement encompasses that perfectly.
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