Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by John Crabbe on October 17, 2010 at 7:15am

The job itself isn't usually the reason, but the lifestyle. What I mean is when in a relationship with a FF, expect to be in a relationship with the lifestyle. Friends typically consist of other FF's, the hours are really crazy because there is training, meetings, fundraiser etc for volunteers, typically 24 hour shifts for career etc. Then mix in responses, pager goes off, expect the person to be gone, career FF can get called in or ordered in for OT etc. There is always a chance of never coming back. Sometimes it is easier to talk to other FF's about issues than even spouses who aren't on the job.

So really, it is a lifestyle change and it is a committment and takes a strong person to realize that, in many ways it is like being in a relationship with a military member. Although, there are plenty of FF's who have stayed married for years, so what it comes down to is the people involved to understand each other and NOT to think it is the job that creates high divorces.

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Permalink Reply by John on October 17, 2010 at 7:53am

Well put John, There are times when during a holiday dinner your called out and miss the festivities, it takes an amazing spouse to understand that lifestyle.

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Permalink Reply by capcityff on October 17, 2010 at 9:58am

I don't think volunteers should really have that problem because they choose when they want to respond. If there's some family emergency or something, they don't have to be there.

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Permalink Reply by WestPhilly on October 17, 2010 at 10:13am

Nikki,

While it's a commonly held belief (among firefighters, I guess) that firefighters have a high divorce rate, the actual evidence to support that belief is scant.

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Permalink Reply by John Sees on October 17, 2010 at 11:10am

I agree with Mr. Crabbe, it is the lifestyle. My dad and brother were vollies and then I joined. When the alarm went off at night my mom got up and turned on the lights and opened the front and back doors, my dad went out the front door and turned right to go to the truck company, my brother would go out the front door and turn left to go to the engine co. and I would go out the back door to go to the rescue co. Then my mom would start answering the phone because the mayor and everyone else would call and to find out where the fire was. It did not matter what you were doing when the alarm went off, you went. My wife's family did understand why you would delay or interrupt a meal to go on a call. I started training my wife while we were dating, one date I left her sit in the car while I assisted with a MVA and another I left her off at a corner and told her to walk 3 blocks to my home while I went to a fire. Then I had to train her family, the first Christmas that I went to her home for a meal the alarm went off, I got up to leave and they said that they were going to eat, I stayed. Now if we are at her family gathering and the alarm goes off I leave along with my daughter, the only thing that is said, is were is it and what do you have. I have been a volly 38 years and married 35 of them. The fire service is like everything else when you get married you have to make some adjustments, I was lucky I guess, my wife understands and was able to adjust.

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Permalink Reply by Wade Seely on October 17, 2010 at 11:26am

capcity

Yes we can "choose when to respond"; however, on say a holiday what if everyone said it is a holiday and didn't respond. When I signed on to my department I made a commitment to that department that I would respond. Now, I realize that I don't make every call, nobody can, but In my departmetn In district volunteers have to make a certain precentage in order to stay active on the department and to be eligable for pension. My family does come first, but there are still responsibilities to the department such a as responding at all hours, meetings, trainings and special events that I am expected to attend on at least a regular basis. Also, most volunteers have full-time 40+ hour work weeks and the volunteer FD acts almost like a second job, so there is a lot of stress on volunteer families, even though we get to"choose when to respond."

TCSS

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Permalink Reply by austin munro on October 17, 2010 at 11:46am

most volunteers don't have that choice, they have a percentage they have to maintain to remain in the department.

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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nichole Caschetta on October 17, 2010 at 12:13pm

Nicole, Yes, its a hard lifestyle at first, and I think that John was right in everything... and so are the other guys... When we sign on to a department we make a promise to be there, and sometimes it is hard to leave your family dinner and go, or get up out of bed at night. Im on a vol. department and you never know who is going to show up. We have had a house fire and only 5 guys showed up in the middle of the night... after going through that, my pager goes off... no matter what im going! I will never forget when it was an old boy friends first time coming to our home and we were eating dinner... my pager went off and i went... left him there. I guess what im getting at is it just takes a special person to be with a firefighter. A strong person. It can be a Fireman's Wife or even a Fireman's Husband in my case. At first it puts ALOT of strain on a new relationship, but in return He or She should really know what they are getting them selfs into for the get-go. Try and get them involved in with the department. Bring them around so they know the people that you are working with and spending your time with... that helps too! I dont know if any of this is relevant to ur question... or if it was me just rambling but i hope it helps ya some

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Permalink Reply by kara-lee allen on October 17, 2010 at 2:39pm

volunteers have a choice.. thats funny. i agree that the stats may not be accurate. it does take a strong person to be with a FF. trained your girlfriend? thats funny too. but its kinda accurate. ppl need to know what they are getting into with you. it has to be very clear. but also the FF needs to take the extra time too and i think they dont. involve your spouse when you can.... but i think most relationship problems come from the "brotherhood" aspect. spouses get jealous of the relationships. (and not always just the misbehaving kind) but particularly i think if the FF is female, since most of the dept is male. you have to pick someone to be with who is secure in themselves... who will be secure in your relationship.

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Permalink Reply by Derek R. on October 17, 2010 at 3:10pm

so once we meet the percentage, what's to stop us from, not trying to revive an old thread, but, picking and choosing our calls? I believe, and I could be wrong, that Capcity is going with the stereotype and the unfortunate truth of it. So maybe then, to be politically correct or non stereotypical, he could have changed the wording a bit so as to not include every volly in his statement. But in reality, it is true that we can choose to respond to calls or not to. And, like I said, unfortunately, there are a lot that do.
So really, there is no need to get uptight about someone believing that it might be harder on a carreer guy/girl who might have no choice about working a 24 over Christmas or any other holiday, or seeing their kid's first ball game. And when we (vollies) get a call over christmas, we get to go home afterwards, if we so choose to respond, Career doesn't.

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Permalink Reply by M.J. 6821 on October 17, 2010 at 4:16pm

I was lucky with my family and my wife they understand what being a volunteer entails. My wife knows that the 1st and 3rd knows that I have meeting and training. My dog and my son know that when my pager goes off I have to go my son says bye daddy(hes 2) and the dog gets out of the front of the doorway.
I think the general public has a harder time understanding what it entails. There was one instance where I got paged out for a MVA with a fatality we were just getting ready to order pizza when the tones went off so I left my wife and son there and the waitress with a confused look on her face. When I got back my wife sat and told me about how the waitress asked her about what was going on.

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Permalink Reply by Wade Seely on October 17, 2010 at 5:53pm

Derek

I did not mean to sound uptight or defensive. I was just pointing out a fewthings to capcity on the facts that just because we are vlonuteer doesnt mean that we can turn a blind eye to calls. I do know that there are vollies that do, we have them in my dept.

So really, there is no need to get uptight about someone believing that it might be harder on a carreer guy/girl who might have no choice about working a 24 over Christmas or any other holiday, or seeing their kid's first ball game. And when we (vollies) get a call over christmas, we get to go home afterwards, if we so choose to respond, Career doesn't

While it is true that career FF's might have to work over holidays, they know this months in advance and can plan accordingly to maybe celebrate a day earlier or later with their entire family, and if a call happens at that point they are not expected to respond. As far as their kids first ball game etc. they do have the ability to make shift trades. Now I do realize that you can not always trade or trade for everything that is going on, i am just saying that it can be an option. Overall my point to capcity was that it is hard on all fire families career and vollie alike.

TCSS

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