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Firefighters who are in a relationship, HOW do you make time for your wife/girlfriend?!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and he just became a firefighter..and the entire process was a sacrifice for both of us and very challenging for me to keep busy knowing i could not see him as much due to him studing and staying focus. Now that he is an official "firefighter' there happens to be less time..does this fade away will it get better. Im trying to be understanding but I guess he thinks I'm not. Advice anyone?!! Please!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Steph on
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Hey there,
I am in the same situation as you! My boyfriend of almost two years was just starting his full-time fire career when we met. I am definitely still having a really hard time trying to be supportive and strong but at the same time I want him home-you know? I think as they get older it mellows out a bit, but when they first start I think their job is the second best thing and hopefully you will always be the first.
If you need anyone to talk to send me a message. Take care and be strong!!!
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Permalink Reply by ENGINECREW CAPT. aka Pres.FHMC on
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Get over it,we are a rare and special breed.You will always be the most important thing in his life,but he doesn't put his life in your hands on a regular basis.His is the most important job in the world,paid or volunteer,and he deserves to be supported totally.If you give him any grief about his hours spent doing what needs to be done, whether it's a fund raiser or a training session,or especially if it's an actual call,you will push him away faster than you think.My ex-wife joined to be with me for more time during the day(it wasn't the FD that broke us up).My ex-girlfriend,yes ex,called drill night bullsh1t night,and it just got worse from there.She had no concept that my guys are my family,join the family(no I'm not saying become a firefighter,just support him fully and he will love you all the more) and enjoy the good times,there will be plenty of them.
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Permalink Reply by YOU GO, WE GO on
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i am married, now 4yrs. i do make time with my spouse. sometimes things arent easy, but we get through them. she is very supportive in my being a ff. when we have our special moments, my pager is off. when i'm with family, or at family functions i have it on ch.1
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also be very supportive to him/her. WE NEED IT
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Permalink Reply by Christy on
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I agree with Capt....join the family. Help with the fundraisers, join the ladies auxillary...find some way to help out and show your support. I work EMS and we also work 24's. I work a lot of the PR events. I bring my children with me and they help out. It gives them more time with me and it also gives them a sense of being a part of this side of my life. They love it! I know it is not the same as far as children vs gf/wife etc but it is the same concept.
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Permalink Reply by Captain Chaos on
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I've been married for 34 years (to the same woman) and have been in the Fire Service for nearly 31 years. Firefighting has been good to me, but I would be nothing without the love and support my Best Friend has given me over the past 34 years. Occasionally she has to take a back seat to the "Job", but only for a short time.
To answer your question about "will it get better?", that is entirely up to you two. There is a lot of give and take when you sign up for this type of work. Probation, studying for promotionals, force hires, strike teams, etc. they all take up time. It was my job to make sure that even though I was doing those things, I still put her first and foremost.
I don't consider myself "special" or a "rare breed", I guess I would call myself lucky to have been in the right place at the right time. I've had a great career and have been able to see and do many great and exciting things. Conversely, I've seen many terrible and horrific things. But, without my wife at my side, supporting me, rooting me on, picking me up, it would have been a lot more difficult than it has.
Good luck to you!
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Permalink Reply by BLANCA CARMONA on
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wow!! thnks for that story...i do want to be there for him and support him in every way. thnks Captain Chaos~
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Permalink Reply by Captain George Gardiner on
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No matter how we firefighters try to spend time , something allways comes up. house fire, entrapment, something. i have to turn off the radio when i go on a date. The girls i have dated, they thought it was great to respond on calls with me, but they see what happens and i end up alone. But what do you do, i love firefighting.. they get scared that something might happen to me and they dont like that feeling of losing someone or i might get hurt. i dont want to get hurt , but that could happen to anyone of us. im a good guy but i guess, good guys will allways finish last..lol. good luck to all of yall out there. besfae yall and god bless
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Permalink Reply by Mark168 on
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I think Captain Chaos said it best...I have been married for 15 years and in the fire service the whole time. Without my wife being there it would have been tough. Is it easy ??? No But the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel and I also agree you can get involved with his station or department.
I always try to make family time and alone time with my wife. VERY IMPORTANT.
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Permalink Reply by Tim on
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Well if you can't beat him join him as the saying goes,I belong to a volunteer company and am on call 24/7 and everytime the pager goes off no matter what we as in family are doing I dropp what I'm doing and respond so my wife got tired of this and decided to join me now when pager goes off we go together and we get to spend time with each other.
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Permalink Reply by Dave on
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Divorce rate in the FD and PD are high. I have been married for 14 years. One thing that I have always done and will always do no matter what is.....PUT FAMILY FIRST!! I have said it in other posts. We have guys who live and breathe the fire service only to end up going home alone! Never have I or will I put the FD infront of my family. The fire dept is and will always be second, a distant second to my wife and kids. I have seen what putting your family second does, it hurts the kids involved. No training, No extrication and No fire is worth wrecking a family over. If you cant take the time needed to manage both equally, then maybe the fire service is not for you.
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Permalink Reply by Jon on
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Hi all, I agree with Captain Chaos and here in England, it is the same as what Dave says, high divorce amongst emergency services.
I am full time and then a volunteer on call sometimes at home. I make sure that I make time for all of the family and they understand. They are proud of what I do and in our community, people always praise us. She knows that I love this job and there is nothing else I would do. Yes, when you join it is so exciting, you cannot get enough at times. Do not worry, this will settle, but you must be understanding. As Enginecrew Capt said, he will grow to love you more each day, just be careful about pushing too hard. I have been there and I know what it feels like. We had problems, but we overcame and became stronger for it.
To all those who are volunteers, we have all been there, burnt family or party dinners and cold meals - even meals in the rubbish, an interupted walk with the family. We would not be the same if our families, wifes and partners did not support us as they do. Behind every firefighter is a strong, supportive partner.
Blanca and Steph, do not worry, it will get better, ride the storm, and be there for them. There will be days when you will know that they have had a bad day, just being there is all that they will ask. I know that my partner just stays quiet and will listen if I need her to.
Anyway - greetings to all from England and stay safe out there, wherever you are.
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