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A Question For Firefighters With Children
I'm about to become a mother to twins, and these are my first children. Are there any suggestions on how to juggle being a parent and being in the fire service? Also how do i show my significant other that its the one thing i do for me, he wants me to hang up my helmet to be a mother and be there for him. sorry if my question makes no sense, I seem to be having a hard time putting things into words today!
Thank you for any help!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by rescueortruck on
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first i am not a mother but a father so it will be a little different for you then me. but the best thing i can tell u is leaeve work at work and home at home. u got problems at home leave them there until u get back, u got problem at work u leave it there.
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Permalink Reply by Chris Moyer on
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When my son was born I took 1 yr off to be with him. Now at age 11 he's chomping at the bit to turn 14 so he can be an Explorer and join.
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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nichole Caschetta on
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Thank you for all the advice! Its just really stressful right now, Im sure you all know that! Yes, as of right now im volunteer, but have an offer to go career after I have the babies, they made the offer before I knew i was pregnant, I declined right now for the time being and they told me to come talk to them after i have them and it still stands. NOW i have figure out what im going to do, and right now Ben (the dad) is not in the states, he is over seas. So I dont think he really sees that the fire service is a part of me. I will always put my children and family first, I just dont want to lose that part of me, if that makes any since
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Permalink Reply by Reg Mathis on
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Hey Chris,
Let me start by saying that I am NOT trying to pick a fight, but...
My guess is that you don't have kids. Raising children is an excercise in compromise. Both internally and externally.
TCSS
Reg
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Permalink Reply by Megan Walker on
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I know what you are talking about cause I have a three year old little boy and I have been in the department for a long time now. I know with me I was still doing alot of things in the department when I was pregnant and for a little while after I had my son but now that he is getting older I am able to do more things like running calls. I cant always go on a call but I'm still able to do the 2 things I love most being a firefighter and a mom. At first it's a little hard but as they get older it does get easier. For your husband wanting you to hang it up I'm not sure what to tell you about that cause my husband is in the department too and he knows how much it means to me. You can still be a good mother and wife while being a firefighter. I honestly wouldnt give it up cause it's something that you love to do and when your little ones grow up and know that their mommy is a firefighter I can honestly say you will always be their hero. If you ever need to talk to another female firefighter/mother/wife feel free to get ahold of me. I dont always have the right answers to everything but I will be there to listen.
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Permalink Reply by Tony P on
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While volunteering, I see no reason why you can't combine that with being a 'mother'. You would need to limit your attendance somewhat (leave of absence in the early stages), but keeping it all going would give you something to help keep you going yourself. I know that some women are more than happy to give all their attention to being a mother, others need something outside to keep them sane! Always the family has to come first, your partner needs to know of your need for some continued fire connection, and to accept that.
If you decide to go for the career job, I see things differently. That difference comes from my dislike of very young children being passed ove to a childcare centre instead of having the attention of a parent. For the career job, I'd be saying to leave it for some years, until the twins (and any additions) reach school age. Until then keep the volunteering going. I know that many people will disagree with me, it's simply my opinion, based on my personal dislike of 'farming' children off for someone else to bring up.
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Permalink Reply by 55 TRUCK on
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Is he a firefighter too? If not get him involved that helps. Don't give it up, take some time for your family enjoy the little ones.
Is he a cop? That would explain him wanting you to leave the fire dept....lol
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Permalink Reply by Melissa Eastwood on
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First of all congratulations. I did not become a member of the fire department until my daughter turned 12 years old. I had always wanted to join but my husband and my mother wanted me to wait until my daughter was of the age that she could take care of herself if I had to leave in the middle of the night. My situation may be a little different than yours because my husband is also a firefighter/fire marshal and we both are on call 24 hours a day. You do need to have the support of your spouse and maybe down the road a bit he will understand how important being a firefighter is to you. Don't give up everything will work out.
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Permalink Reply by Bonnie on
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Congratulations Ashley. What a blessing! As I see it you get to have the two best jobs in the world- first as a mom and then as a firefighter. I am a mother of three. I started in the fire service when my youngest was barely a year old. I have raised the girls mostly by myself. Their father is also in the service and spent time overseas. Although I don't know the stresses of having twins, I have experienced some of what you are about to go through. Remember during pregnancy your hormones are crazy and might make you do irrational things so don't make any major decisions yet!
There will be disappointing times when you miss the big call. But remember there will always be more fires, more rescues and more people needing help. It is important to be there for your family. Ten years from now people may not remember that you were there during a certain fire or rescue but your children will remember that Mom was there for them. It is important to find that balance.
I strongly believe to be a good mother or partner you must be good to yourself. And if firefighting is part of you and you are passionate about it stick with it. Don't give it up because somebody else wants you to. Think of how sad you would be to give up something you love so much. I would imagine you would resent your partner if you gave it up for him.
This is such a great career. I feel I am so blessed in that I work 8-10 days a month. I get to spend the rest of the time with my daughters. My daughters have grown up with Mom being a firefighter. They are proud of me for it. They brag to their friends about what Mom does. That makes me feel proud. I get to do a job I love. I come home happy and can be a good mom to them.
There will be times that are tough. Being a mom is hard work. But stay strong. You may have to take time away for a little while but it doesn't have to be forever. Be open and honest with your officers. Let them know what your plans are and see what you can do to stay involved. Don't lose sight of who you are and what you love.
Again, congratulations and good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Justin Lewis on
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Congrats...everyone has kinda nailed it...be a mommy first...family always has to come first...it takes a lot of work but anything that is worthwhile will always require work...communicate, communicate, communicate! Good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Truckie on
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Congrats! I am recently divoriced and of all things, I have been awarded primary custody of my children. My girls will stay with their mom the night before and the day I'm on shift. I never found it hard to be a firefighting parent. Even when I worked 24/24 with DoD. I agree with FETC, enjoy being a mom. Before you know it, they'll be asking to drive the car!
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Permalink Reply by Shane J. Allen Sr. on
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i have read some of the reply's some make since some don't. I'm a father of one and it's hard to blance the fd and my son but i still do it i have only been responding calls when im home and when my wife is home too but what makes it harder is that my wife wants me to be a paid firefighter and i dont want that right now. my guess is you'll find a way to be a good mom and a good firefighter if i can do it you can too
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