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Death
Who has a problem dealing with death? Don't be shy, don't be embarrassed, don't not feel, "Ugh, I am man!," in admitting it, speak up! We've all seen it, in its many gruesome and peaceful forms, some not as much as others. And then there's those yet to experience it, :clears throat: the juniors, the explorers, the new recruits and the freshly appointed probies.
We have our way of dealing with it at my department, making sure everyone is ok, along with the local private ambulance companies we work closely with.
I deal with it, I speak up and out about the incident involving the fatality, I let out my emotions. I'm a pretty tough guy, yet I'm also one that wears my emotions half out on my sleeve. My problem, my problem is, I see the person's(persons) face for days on end. With eyes wide open, or shut, I still see that face.
We have our way of dealing with it at my department, making sure everyone is ok, along with the local private ambulance companies we work closely with.
I deal with it, I speak up and out about the incident involving the fatality, I let out my emotions. I'm a pretty tough guy, yet I'm also one that wears my emotions half out on my sleeve. My problem, my problem is, I see the person's(persons) face for days on end. With eyes wide open, or shut, I still see that face.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Station10Capt106 on
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We all have to deal with death and it affects each of us, some in more ways than others. It is not a sign of weakness to admit that responding to deaths and other traumatic scenes play on our emotions. It is rather a sign that we respect life and treasure it.
As responders we are on the front lines of the hometown battlefront. We will see things that most people don't want to see, hell some of the scenes we don't even want to see. But we have our training to fall back on. When the tones go off we go into action mode and put our emotions on the backburner. We go and do our jobs to the best of our abilities and deal with the situation.
Afterwards when we relax those emotions may come to the forefront. I'm not afraid to admit that in my 16 years responding that there have been several times that I have broke down afterwards. Especially coming from a small community the chances that you see a neighbor, friend or family member involved increases.
I still vividly remember December 1997 when a driver plowed into one of our ambulances in the early morning hours. The ambulance had lights & sirens on and was transporting a critical patient that was involved in another 10-50. The driver of the car was a young gal who apparently was out all night and was driving home without lights on and crossed the center line and hit head on.
The gal was killed along with the driver of the ambulance. In the back of the ambulance 2 medics were killed along w/ the patient. One of the Medics was my instuctor for the EMT class I just finished months before.
That scene was hard for all of us to keep our emotions in check as we worked on close friends and coworkers. I got home after that call and just broke down emotionally. Of course we had the CISD team come in and we all talked about it. Us old timers still talk about it each year as we raise a glass in rememberance to our friends that were lost.
It is ok to grieve and have emotions. It just shows that you care. I believe that it also makes you a better firefighter/medic and person. But the most important part is to be able to compartmentalize your emotions while you are working. Even in the midst of emotional turmoil we still have a job to do and must be able to gather ourselves appropriately to do the job.
John
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Permalink Reply by Derek R. on
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That was very well put S10C106. I pretty much mirror what has already been said. It's true, most of us, knowing the kind of work we do, are able to go into response mode when the time comes. Maybe it's the adrenaline surge, I can't say for sure. But we know what has to be done and do it the best way we know how. Some are not able to make the separation, and that's fine as long as they don't force themselves to try and be "strong". There are other important jobs that need to be done that are away from the scene.
I found that some faces,bodies, or accident scenes will stay with you and some will not. And for me, I think that maybe it has something to do with some kind of association to the victem. I don't mean a personal one. I mean, for example: I responded to a motorcycle accident. After about 5 minutes of searching, a paramedic and myself found him. He was obviousely dead. So we did what we had to do and left. To this day I still see the scene and the body. I think that maybe I'm associating myself with it because I, myself, ride a motorcycle. I dunno, just a theory. Then just the other night we responded to a tractor trailer vs. minivan. Truck hit van square on drivers side at not quite full speed on the highway. Needless to say, it was a messy scene. But that scene does not seem to be affecting me. And myself and another FF were the ones to cut him out. But my point is, well for me at least, I think the images stay in my mind for resons of personal association to the scene. Like me and the motorcycle. "that could have been me".
It is perfectly normal and human to have and show emotions. I think it makes for a more compassionate, and caring FF, and the public will see that in you and so will your brothers. To me, that deserves respect.
Our dep't makes a strong point that if you feel the least bit agitated by a scene, stay away. Always at a scene, officers will walk around to everyone and ask if they are ok in a personal, not professional, way.
If they see something in the eyes that might give warning, then they will be given a different task.
Tears will be shed and bellies will be emptied. That does not make you weak, or lesser of a FF or of a man. It makes you human. Response to situations is different within all of us. Just know your limits.
Oh, and just for interest. WE had a new guy(probie), who was all gung-ho and saying that a "bad scene" won't bother him. He didn't know his limits because he has never seen it up close in person. Well, he was quickly back at the rescue unit learning how to unreel the hydrolic lines for the cutters and spreaders.
If you think you might be having some issues with a scene you witnessed or whatever, talk to someone about it. You don't need that in your mind while working the next scene.
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Permalink Reply by walmart on
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Death is a funny thing. like said before,sometimes it bothers you sometimes it doesn't. Now i'm nowhere near as much experience as everyone else (only 3 years) but i've dealt with much of it. When at a scene I haven't yet let death bother me. I came close to seeing a friend after a accident, but had a feeling I should go to the station and not the call. We called to command and they told us to hang tight they were ok. First truck back explained what happened and I knew it was a friend of mine. By far the worst thing I ever hope to see in my life happened the begining of this year. 10-50 with 5 victims. Our ast chief who was in command went around and tryed to get the newer people gone. 2 of the victims were pregnant. That was pretty hard. We had cisd come in and that helped alot. I had a newer person by me in the debfrief and he said it made him feel better to be with people in public caftey to talk to because they all understood, and they themselfs might have been feeling it. CISD is a great tool.
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Permalink Reply by Doug on
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Thanks for the replies everyone.
Ralph, there's no type of "man up" presser like that in my department, everyone makes sure everyone is ok, and to let out your emotions if you have to. And, we too, have that behind the scenes warped sense of humor(I think we all do in the FF, EMS and LEO professions), yet very professional in public.
Derek, motorcycle accidents affect me the worse afterward as well, for the same reasons. I ride, and a lot of my friends ride.
Staion10Capt, I too fear the same thing, for the same reason, being in a small, yet urban town, that I will one day run into someone very dear to me.
But again, I still see that face, no matter the incident. Whether it's someone who passed away peacefully in their sleep, full arrest or a gruesome car accident. Maybe I make it too personal.
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Permalink Reply by Smoke Eater on
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I don't know if I'm heartless or what the deal is but, I don't really have a problem with fatality calls. I guess it's because I've grown up around the fire service, I don't know. My little brother is a Lt. back at our hometown. He refuses to talk about it. We had a house fire one morning, 3 a.m. and this place was rockin. 2 story, residental, 1 person still inside. I got stuck wrapping the hydrant since I was closest to the door. My bro and the Lt at the time made entry through the rear. The Lt. was on the nozzel with my bro backing him up. Lt crawled over the body and my bro found the body. It was his first fatality fire. He continued to fight the fire and do his job. In the weeks afterwards everyone noticed my bro acting a little hateful towards everyone. He had a huge attitude change. He never came out and said what his problem was, but we all knew. He refused CISD and eventually "got over it."
There is no problem with talking it out. If a call bothers you, talk to someone. He ruined a great relationship he had with a girl because he refused to get it out.
TCSS everyone!!!
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Permalink Reply by Oldman on
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"I still see that face"
Doug, what is happening is a very human response. For me it is certain smells which bring back an image of someone who I was unable to help. But I know that I did everything I possibly could, but it wasn't in my hands.
Just as Ralph said, I'm not the big church goin' type either, but you can't do this as long as I have and not believe that there is a higher up who decides the final outcome. To see people able to survive in some of the situations we encounter, and to be able to jump in and do what we do.... there must be another hand involved.
For me, when an elderly adult dies, it is easier to accept. They have lived full lives, raised their families, etc. Younger adults are a little harder to accept. But children were and are still the hardest for me. I had a close friend lose his 4 year old daughter. Growing up in a funeral home, I was accustomed to seeing death, but this one hit me so hard. At her funeral, the preacher, in his sermon began to relate the usual; "we all ask why this happened", and explained it this way.
"Ask any florist about making a flower arrangement, and they will tell you that you start with fully open flowers". "You then add blossoms that are beginning to open, and then in order to complete any arrangement, you have to place some buds". "God has picked another perfect bud for his arrangement".
This simple explanation has stuck with me for almost 40 years, and has done more to help me keep a perspective about death that I don't think I would otherwise have had. Continue to talk about your feelings with someone you trust, even if it is a just "you and me deal". Participate in debriefings/defusings.
Remember this... When you no longer feel emotions for the victims, get into a different line of work.
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