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Discussing Fire Career With Girlfriend-help?
I have been strongly considering firefighting in regards to a career change from City Planning/Urban Development. I have expressed my interests in firefighting to my girlfriend whom I live with. To say the least, she was NOT happy with my thoughts and has blaintenly told me she won't stand for it and will end the relationship if I decided to pursue that career. She feels that she won't be able to handle the possiblity of my death on a daily basis and woudln't be able emotionally stable with that possiblity. In addition, she is a Physical Therapist where she has treated firefighters with injuries. She does not want to see me hurt in any way.
I care deeply what she has said and don't want her to end the relationship if I want to be firefighter; however, I hate the profession I'm currently in and find firefighting to hold all the aspects of a career that I yearn for. Can someone please provide advice? Thanks!!!
I care deeply what she has said and don't want her to end the relationship if I want to be firefighter; however, I hate the profession I'm currently in and find firefighting to hold all the aspects of a career that I yearn for. Can someone please provide advice? Thanks!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Brian Dumser on
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Kick her to the curb! You can't do this job without a supporting girlfriend/wife, if she won't stand by you while you follow your dream, then you don't need her. Good luck and stay safe!
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Permalink Reply by Heidi Palmer on
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I am currently not a firefighter but have family and am in a relationship with a firefighter---you need to expalin to your girlfriend that you have a chance of dying everyday no matter what profession you are in--you could be in a car accident or get hit just as qucikly as dying in a fire---firefighters are someone to look up to and respect. As with everyone in our dept. if she loves and wants to be with you whe will understand that you are trying to better yourself and achieve your dreams--if not too bad---you need somone who has your back (in life and in fire)
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Permalink Reply by Ron Butler on
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I kind of agree with Brian. However, try this approach first. Go to the guys at your local FD. Ask them how their wives handle their career choice. Try and make the connection between the career wives and your girlfriend. Try and expose her to the realities of the job. Not just the scary stuff she sees and thinks about. Brian is right, if you are going to do this you are going to have to be with someone who will support you. It is better to be without someone who won't support you, than to be in a job you hate for the rest of your life. Just make sure you talk it over with her (not argue, talk). It is a serious decision, either way. Good luck bro.
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Permalink Reply by Denny Carter on
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Hi, there my name is Denny, and even tho I am just an volunteer firefighter. I went through the same thing myself with my girlfriend.... But as I was reading your letter you did state that you want to yearn more in the firefighter feild, but your girlfriend disapproves of it.. Well for me I told her straight up, and simple that she knew I was an volunteer firefighter before we started dating, and she knew while we was dating I was a volunteer firefighter, and if anything happened leading to a break up between us I was still going to be an volunteer firefighter. Needless to say it all worked out in the end, because we are now married working on two years......
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Permalink Reply by Jason Koontz on
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Honestly, keep what you have right now for now. Let her know its only a possibility. Getting the job is a helluva lot different than wanting it. But apply while you're working, become a volunteer fireman somewhere, try it out. Make sure its everything you dream it to be. Many find that the idea of being a fireman is a lot cooler than actually doing it. As for your girlfriend, while I totally agree with Damnthing, if you're dead set on not losing her, then go with what Ron said. Introduce her to other wives. Get in with the fire crews. Learn how they all deal with the seperation. Becoming a volunteer would help with that. It lets you learn the job, it gets her used to what its like. My mother has been dealing with it for almost 30 years. She's got both my father and I to worry about, so it can be done. Shes been involved with the department jsut as long as he has. She helps run the special functions, was on the ladies auxiliary, even ran the support unit on fires that brought food and drinks out, so she knows what it is to be both a firemans wife and a firemans mom. It can be done successfully. It just depends on what she wants to do. If shes not willing to support you, then damnthing is right, and no amount of effort will help her to understand, because she has no interest in doing so. As for me, I've lost a couple of girlfriends who couldn't deal with it, and I've gained many more that had no problem with it. If they aren't willing to be your partner in everything life has to offer, both your dreams and hers, then there isn't much point in continuing, because its only gonna get worse! But thats my opinion. The decision is yours. None of un know you or your life, so its up to you to pick whats important and what you want.
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Permalink Reply by Koa on
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Tough situation brother...just to let you know...firefighting is the BEST JOB IN THE WORLD...I really am blessed to be a fireman...I'm so proud to be a firefighter and I love every aspect of the job...I'm sure all my brothers and sisters on FFN would agree!!! Before I started recruit class, I bought my girlfriend the book called "I Love A Firefighter". It was really good reading and made her understand everything about the job, and she has been more supportive than ever, my crew always does things together off duty, like going to the beach and bbq's but we will always bring along the gf's and wives and it makes them feel apart of us...it also gives us the pass to hit up the bars with just "The Boyz", so it's good. Good luck with the situation, and follow your heart, if your dream is to be a fireman, you won't be dissapointed....I love to go to work!!! Take care brother...aloha
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"Surely you jest."
No, WestPhilly, I think he's serious. And don't call him Shirley! (Sorry I couldn't resist!) Stay safe!
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Few women understand what it is to be a firefighter, it took my wife several years to come to terms and i was a firefighter long before we got together. You need to search your soul and visit some career fire stations and talk to some firemen about the life we lead. It isn't just a career, it's a life style. At the end if that is what you feel your calling is then you should persue it with or without her. If she truley cares about you she will understand. It won't be easy but it is worth it.
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Permalink Reply by Jeff Cole on
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You have bigger problems than just being restricted from the fire service. No offense, but if she "won't stand" for you making a career choice, beleive me that is just the beginning, and clearly a warning sign. No offense Brother. How about you tell her you want to be a Cop, or maybe a Commercial Fisherman? There are many occupations that are extrodinarily dangerous. We all know life is a crap shot anyways.
Look, everyone has their own version of what makes you successful. It isn't always financial wealth either. But one thing is for sure, and that is that you will never, ever consider yourself successful, or even content while working a job you hate to get up for every single day you go to work. If you have any intent on building a future with her, you both need to realize that your employment makes perhaps the biggest impact on your ability to live and grow happy together. Your going to spend a huge part of your life at work, and then you'll be spending all that energy on winding down from your job that you hate, and then dreading going to work all during your free time, which should be spent together in a positive way.
Firefighters get hurt. So does just about everyone else. If it isn't from work, it's from recreation, or a hobby, or an accident. The best way to prevent firefighter injuries are constant training, good supervision (Officers), and the commitment to maintain your health and physical conditioning to the very best level possible. That means not smoking (does she?), exercising regularly, and learning your trade by taking every oppurtunity to learn. Your not the first in the position, not by a long shot. But you will never, ever be fulfilled if you don't go for it. You don't want to spend your life wishing what you could have done. They will tell you this is the best job in the world.
It's no fairy tale. Not by a long shot. You'll grow to love it. You'll probabaly always love the actual job, but the politics side of the job suck. It's not all about a happy group sitting around the station during meals, and answering calls in which the public warmly embraces your best efforts. Especially these days. Now, politicians don't want their pictures taken with us anymore. 9/11 is history. Now about all we represent to many people is a group of overpaid public workers with too generous benifits, and a tax burden on the communities. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that'swhat they aint gonna tell ya. However...it's still beats 9-5 in some office cubicle any day of the weak. Go for it. Talk to her, tell her you appreciate her concern, but your going for it. If your her man, she's not going any place.
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Permalink Reply by rfdjumper on
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Being a career firefighter is the best damn job in the world. What's best your happiness or hers? Nothing better than waking up miserable, women love men who are miserable. She sounds really insecure yet very demanding. Time for a serious sit down to tell her exactly how feel and why, if she can't handle. Maybe it's time to move on.
They call it a leap of faith, not because it is easy, but because it isn't.
Best of luck with whatever choice you make.
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Permalink Reply by Reg Mathis on
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If she loves you, she'll support you in whatever you decide to do. God knows my wonderful wife has proven that more than once. She may not like it, but she will support you.
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Permalink Reply by Michael C. Harrison on
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Not much more that you can say than that
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