Inter-department Relationships

I was just wondering what everyone's views are on the topic of relationships between members of the same department. It seems to me that so long as both individuals remain appropriate at appropriate times (ie meetings, formal functions, PR events, calls) that there sould not and should not be an issue. Granted, issues of any rank differences may ultimately cause discussion, but assuming both indivuals are of the same rank and are not allowing themselves to be continually distracted at times when attention is required, are there issues?

Does anyone's department have SOPs or SOGs or even By-Laws prohibiting such actions, or adding restrictions and guidelines to those that are on the same dept and in relationships?

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Permalink Reply by Jenny Holderby on December 13, 2008 at 11:24pm

My husband and I are both firefighters. He has been a member since 1980. I joined in 1986. When our kids were younger, we didn't ride in the same apparatus. When one of us made interior attack, the other one was on the outside. I am the SO. He was a Lt for yrs. We don't have issues where the FD is concerned. At home we sometimes have discussions about things. We try not to take our personal issues to the station. There have been several couples on the FD over the years. How do you write an SOG pertaining to a personal relationship? If you have house rules pertaining to conduct it should cover what ever "issues" might arise. There shouldn't be any issues of rank difference. An officer is an officer. A higher ranking officer is still a superior.
I suppose the difference is in a dating relationship, either person can walk away. When you are married, there are too many other issues to worry about besides who has the bigger badge. Jealousy is hard to deal with in any relationship.

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Permalink Reply by Fire Chick on December 14, 2008 at 12:02am

as long as u so let things interfer with the things that u have to do and risk ppls lives.. i know my bf is in the same dept. and there are alot of couples in our dept. but there is no probs wit it..

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Permalink Reply by Paul Mamrak on December 14, 2008 at 12:24am

I dated someone in the department a town over from mine and when we were dating and our two compannies would go out on mutual aid everything would be kept at compltly professional but of course at other functions such as parties we would act like a usual couple. Our relationship eventually broke off and now on the fireground we are completly professional and also at other functions.

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Permalink Reply by Liz Grzybek on March 23, 2009 at 9:36pm

i joined my fire department while i was involved with someone who was also a memeber of the same fire company. i actually broke up with this person to be with someone else who was a member of our fire department. between the three of us, things were handled very respectfully of the firehall. we kept things about our relationships very private, or tried to at least. i can honestly say that the only problem i had was with the way other members of our fire company behaved in regards to my relationships. i was very dissapointed in the way some people presumed to know me and my life and what i should and should not do. i am now married to my husband, and we are both still members of the fire company. he is a line officer, and i am just an active member. we have never had a problem with the way we behave at fires, meetings, or etc. we both know where to draw the line when it comes to presenting a certain image for the fire company.

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Permalink Reply by Gordon "Gopher" Runer on March 24, 2009 at 2:12am

So from my personal experience it doesn't work out. Between trying to find time for each other and keeping it away from the department and keeping it private it puts a lot of strain on a new relationship. No matter how hard you try it doesn't stay private. Being part of the family at the station everyone knows everything. It doesn't help when you live in a small town but that's besides the point. The break-up can be hard as feelings are hurt and that is not what is needed in the heat of the moment on a fire scene. We have a rule about nepotism because it is too easy for what happens outside of the firehouse to flow in at the most inopportune time. The last department that I was on it was almost all family except for me. There was constant bickering between some of them based on what happens at home. I would like to find a girl who is part of the fire/ems service but with my past experience I doubt that it will work out. Hope this helps.

Gopher

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Permalink Reply by Mick Shelley on March 24, 2009 at 8:41am

Hey Aaron, As long as you act like professionals, and conduct yourself in a proper manor, I don't see a problem.
Our By-Law don't have anything in them in relation to having a relationship with a member of the same department. I wish you the best.

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Permalink Reply by Oldman on March 24, 2009 at 10:12am

I thought we were all "brothers/sisters", that would mean... never mind.

I try to discourage it on my department, and I generally do not recommend the practice. I have a son and daughter who are here almost every day and it can sometimes cause issues. There will be those who feel they are getting preferential treatment because of who they are, and they feel that I am harder on them than the rest of the members. Both sides may be right at certain times. I try not to treat them any different than the rest, but being "human", I'm sure there are times when it happens. Granted I am speaking from an officers point of view. But at the same time, as an officer, I see these firehouse romances oftentimes cause problems within the rank and file for a lot of the reasons pointed out above.

"not allowing themselves to be continually distracted at times when attention is required"

One of the hardest things for us humans to do, is to separate business from personal. When you add emotions into the equation, it generally will cause problems at some point. Some may feel the need to protect their mate on the fireground and this can distract them from preforming their assigned task as it should be done and safely. This can be a big issue of both are assigned to different teams. It can compromise the safety of the entire crew.

Now we all know how we act around the station with jokes and cutting up etc. This is usually where jealousy rears it's ugly head. "He's paying more attention to her, or she's touching him more than she should be". Even when this isn't an issue between the couple, it can be an issue with other members of the crew.

Now we throw revenge into the mix. Everything is going ok, except one person of the crew for whatever reason gets called down for some infraction. In their minds, they see this couple thing as being what cause them to get into trouble. They perceive that one or the other part of the couple get away with minor infractions and yet they get into trouble. It starts a chain of events which makes them start looking for things to use as ammunition against one or both parties. I have seen this escalate to the point where a claim has been filed as discrimination, hostile work environment, to violations of state laws or statutes.

With our sue conscious world we live in, I personally do not need nor want to add fuel to the fire by being in a relationship with any of my members/co-workers. I do not socialize with my people outside of official department activities. My department does not have any policy prohibiting in house relationships. Even though I do not condone a station relationship, as long as it is not causing conflicts, I tend to leave them alone. I will usually call them in one at a time though, to let them know that if I see that it is starting to be an issue, or they are caught in; lets say the hose bed scene from Backdraft, appropriate action will be taken (see ya). I haven't had that issue yet.