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Firefighters who are in a relationship, HOW do you make time for your wife/girlfriend?!
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and he just became a firefighter..and the entire process was a sacrifice for both of us and very challenging for me to keep busy knowing i could not see him as much due to him studing and staying focus. Now that he is an official "firefighter' there happens to be less time..does this fade away will it get better. Im trying to be understanding but I guess he thinks I'm not. Advice anyone?!! Please!!!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Guerrerita on
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That is awesomely sweet. Congrats to you both, on 37 years!
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Permalink Reply by Chris Sterling on
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My EX wife was not supportive, notice I said EX wife? But my future wife backs me all the way! She tells me to just come home in one piece. The only time she gets a bit upset is when I run out the door without giving her a kiss. As much as I hate to say it, or even think it, she realizes, that could be the last one.
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Permalink Reply by Glen Garland on
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Blanca, I'm not sure if your BF is a volunteer or fulltime FF but my advice to him would be to make sure and leave time for his family and loved ones. I have been a volunteer for 29 yrs and am now chief of the department that gave me my start in the business as well as being a career lt w/ 22 yrs in that dept. There is no way I could have survived this long without my wife's support through it all. I have been married to her for 24 yrs and I'm amazed at what she has put up with through the years w/o hardly a complaint. It did get a little complicated when the kids started to join as juniors and both sons are now regular members and both are pursuing fire service careers. My daughter is still a jr. member. Your BF should remember that the FD was there before his arrival and will be there after his departure. It does need to be kept in perspective, which is tough for alot of the personality types that are drawn to the fire service. Let him know your concerns and let him know you will support him and that it doesn't have to be all of one and none of the other...life is about balance. I've talked to alot of older guys and I have never heard one of them say they wish they made more calls, more trainings, more meetings, more fundraisers etc. but several of them have expressed regrets about missing out on family events like b'days, holiday celebrations, family time, vacations etc. Once missed they are never recovered. Take care and good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on
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Obviously, you made it through the tough years, so why would you want to throw in the towel now?
Instead of waiting for him to come home so you can "support" him, you need to pursue what interests YOU.
You need to go about your business and if he needs something at the emotional level, I am sure that he will say something.
I have been married to the same woman for 32 years. We have MANY things in common, but we also have different interests.
I was on a department for 22 years and I was chief for 14 of those years. It was easier to get her to do fire department functions, because she was encouraged to do her own thing.
We have separate identities, but that is where it ends.
Now, it is unified command.
In any event, don't let any of this affect what you ultimately have to decide for yourself.
I have seen some very bad advice dispensed over the internet.
It's easy to do when everything remains anonymous.
Art
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Permalink Reply by Peter Yacovone on
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I met my wife at my fire staton she was playing bingo. Two years later we got married. Now aftyer 17 yrs I am the Chief . Ben doing this Vol crap for 20 plus.
She hates every min of to. We spend time togetheir and do some stuff most of the time we spend is here at the station working the events. We are just one big happy disfuctionalbe faimly so everone gets along good.
In time you will blend right in and deal with it its more than you know .
Give it time
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Permalink Reply by Jason Koontz on
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Well, I'm one of the ones that has a few exes that didn't understand. Its not easy, and it takes alot for a significant other to be attached to one of us. The things we see and do don't make it any easier. I have had a few that got involved, or did it as well, and those relationships worked very well. Those ended for reasons that had nothing to do with firefighting. All I can tell ya is that its not easy all the time, but the two of you are the ones that will make the difference. Like my roommate always told me, the hard part for the girl was knowing that I had another "woman" in my life, and it was a big red truck! But I mellowed out over time. The calls weren't always that important, and I learned to put other things first, but theres still gonna be the missed dates, birthdays, etc. You two will figure it out.
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Permalink Reply by Fireyladd - Retired Chief Sharp on
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Its something that must be worked at. Its not an option for me. I want my wife to be part of my life and me hers. What I do is OUR means to an end. Its my job but not my life. She is my life. I lost her once and wont allow circumstances to come between us again. Soooo, what I am saying is it must be worked at by both parties. And BOTH parties have to want to work at it. Good Luck Blanca.
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Permalink Reply by Chief 29 on
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I am currently divorced but I have a girlfriend. My Ex wife despised the fire company and made it very obvious that she disliked the fact that I was involved. When my daughter was born I stepped back and was not as active for a while as to spend more time with the family.
Since the divorce I have found someone who supports me as a firefighter and she herself has become active . It might not work for everyone but it does for us.
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Permalink Reply by DOWNS290 on
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THERE ARE DEFINETLY TWO SIDES TO IT. HOWEVER IF YOUR A CAREER FF AS MUCH TIME AS IT TAKES UP YOU STILL GET YOUR TIME OFF TO BE WITH YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ENJOY RELAXING. HOWEVER FOR THOSE OF US THAT ARE VOLUNTEERS ITS NOT THE SAME, WE WORK OUR FULL TIME JOBS, THEN HAVE TO GO TO TRAINING, AND DRILL NIGHT, FUNDRAISERS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY CALLS. IN A PAID DEPARTMENT THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE AT THE STATION TO BE WORKING ON THINGS. WITH A VOLUNTEER DEPT WHEN EVER WE HAVE TIME THATS WHEN WE HAVE TO DO THE THINGS THAT NEED DONE. THERE ARE A FEW OF US IN THE FIRE DEPT WHO ARE ALWAYS THERE WE ARE CONSTANTLY WORKING ON PROJECTS AND FIXING THINGS AND TAKING CLASSES. OUR WIVES/GIRLFRIENDS ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING AND ASKING WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO IT, AND OUR EXPLINATION IS BECAUSE SOMONE HAS TO. I HAVE BEEN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS NOW AND SHE KNEW THAT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT WAS PART OF ME WHEN WE STARTED DATING. FOR THE MOST PART SHE IS PRETTY GOOD ABOUT IT. WE ALWAYS GO OUT ON THE WEEKENDS AND DO STUFF BUT SOMETIMES THE PAGER DOES GO OFF. SHE JOINED THE DEPT AND HAS BEEN GETTING MORE INVOLVED WHICH HELPS US SPEND TIME TOGETHER. THE BIGGEST THING IS KEEP YOURSELF BUSY OR YOUR GOING TO DRIVE HIM CRAZY COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!!!!
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I HAVE TO SAY THAT FOR THE MOST PART ON THIS FORUM YOU GIRLS KICK ASS. MY GF DOES COMPLAIN, SOMETIMES MORE THAN OTHERS. I READ THAT SOMEONE SAID THAT WHEN THEIR HUSBAND IS AROUND HE HAS A FIRE DEPT. T-SHIRT AND RADIO, I THINK THAT PRETTY MUCH GOES FOR THE REST OF US. MY GIRLFRIEND AND FAMILY JAG ME ALOT ABOUT THAT BUT THATS PART OF IT. BUT FOR THE MOST PART IT SEEMS LIKE THE BULK OF YOU GIRLS ARE PRETTY SUPPORTIVE LIKE MINE. SOMETIMES SHE DOES DRIVE ME NUTS BUGGING ME TO LEAVE LOL. BUT THE BIGGEST THING THE GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES NEED TO DO IS LISTEN HOW SELFISH THEY ARE SOUNDING WHEN THEY ARE MAD WE MISSED DINNER AND A MOVIE FOR A STRUCTURE FIRE. BECAUSE WHEN THE GUY WHOS HOUSE JUST BURNED DOWN AND LOST EVERYTHING COMES OVER AND SHAKES YOUR HAND AND SAYS THANK YOU AND THEY ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT MISSING A MOVIE, WHICH ONE SOUNDS WORSE.
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