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Permalink Reply by anne potter on February 20, 2009 at 7:10am

Italian firefighters:One night in the small town of Garfield , NJ, a fire started inside the local sausage factory. In a blink the building was engulfed in flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the first volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the sausage company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All of our secret sausage recipes are in the vault in the center of the plant. They have to be saved, so I will donate $50,000 to the fire company that brings them out and delivers them to me."But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in because the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer to extricate the secret recipes was now $100,000 to the fire department that could save them.Suddenly from up the road, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the fire engine of the nearby Lodi , NJ volunteer fire department composed mainly of Italian firefighters over the age of 65.To20everyone 's amazement, the little run-down fire engine, operated by these Italian firefighters, passed fire engines parked outside the plant, and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched in amazement as the Italian old timers jumped off and began to fight the fire as if they were fighting to save their own lives. Within a short time, the Lodi old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret recipes.The grateful sau sage company president joyfully announced that for such a superhuman accomplishment he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave elderly Italian firefighters.A TV news crew rushed in after capturing the event on film. The 'on camera' reporter asked the Italian fire chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?""Wella," said Chief Pasquale De Luccinellavanti, the 70-year-old fire chief, "de fursta tinga we gonnna do isza fixa de brakes on dat fockinna truck

Permalink Reply by anne potter on February 20, 2009 at 7:15am

A young BLONDE was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine Alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, 'Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge nine foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexe s, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were seven more dead gators, all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.

Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration,

'SHIT! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!'

Permalink Reply by steve 593 on February 22, 2009 at 10:17am

that is funny and true

Permalink Reply by steve 593 on February 22, 2009 at 9:05pm

that is a good one

Permalink Reply by ladyrehab18 on March 7, 2009 at 8:17pm

The parts of the body were having a fight one day over who was boss of the body.
The brain said "I'm boss of the body because without me, the body can't function."
The heart said "I'm boss of the body because I pump the blood to the brain so it can work."
The lungs said "We're boss of the body because without us giving oxygen to the body it can't work."
The other parts of the body were saying they were boss because of this reason and because of that reason.
Then the little a**hole popped up and said "I'M boss of the body."
The other body parts laughed at the little a**hole..."You??--boss of the body??--yea right!!"
The little a**hole got mad and tightened up and wouldn't let anything out.
After a few days, the brain wasn't feeling so good, the heart felt a little ill and the rest of the body was a bit sick.
Finally the rest of the body said "OK!! OK!! We give, the a**hole is the boss of the body."

What's the moral of this story??

Ya don't have to be a brain to be a boss.....just an a**hole!!

Permalink Reply by John Schander on March 7, 2009 at 9:14pm

Rotten Johnny was in sunday school and the teacher told all the children to go home and study their sunday school lessons as there would be a test next Sunday. Everybody but rotten Johnny goes home and studies, he goes rummaging through the attic and finds an old hat pin which he brings to sunday school the next week. When sunday rolls around again everybody is in sunday school and rotten Johnny is sitting behind little Salley. The teacher asks the first question, "who created the heavens and earth? " rotten Johnny reaches down and jabs salley with the pin and she jumps up and yells " God". The teacher says very good Salley. Question two, " who was God's only son?" again Johnny jabs Salley with the pin and she jumps up and yells " Jesus Christ!" Again the teacher says very good Salley. Question three, " What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" before Johnny can move , Salley jumps up and yells "You're not sticking that thing in me again."

Permalink Reply by Jason Koontz on March 16, 2009 at 3:30am

A 1st grade class took a field trip to the fire station. While they were there, the firemen taught them all about smoke alarms, what to do in case of a fire, and let them try on the gear. After all that fun, the firemen took them into the bay and showed them all the apparatus. As all the kids are crawling all over the engine, the truck, the tender, and the squad, little Billy stands off to one side just staring at the truck, thinking how neat it would be to get to drive it. As he's staring, he notices standing next to him is the Truck Lt. He reaches up, and pulling on the Lt's pantleg, says, "hey mr. fireman?" The Lt looks down at Billy and says, "yes, son, what can I help you with?" Billy replies,"Mr. Fireman, when I grow up, I wanna be a fireman!" To which the Lt replies," I'm so sorry son, but unfortunately, you can't do both!"

Permalink Reply by Oldman on March 19, 2009 at 10:52pm

Wife gets naked and asks her husband,

"What turns you on more? My pretty face?
Or my sexy body"?

Husband looks her up and down and says,

"Your sense of humor".

Permalink Reply by Jason Koontz on March 28, 2009 at 12:49pm

Definitions of the Chain of Command:

Chief: Leaps tall building with a single bound. Is more powerful than a ladder truck. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.

Assistant Chief: Leaps short building with a single bound. Is more powerful than an engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if sea is calm. Talks with god.

Deputy Chief: Leaps short building with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a brush truck. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talk with God if special request is approved.

Battalion Chief: Barely clears Quonset huts. Loses tug-of-war with brush truck. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.

Captain: Makes high marks on buildings when trying to leap them. Is run over by the engine. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Dog paddles in swimming pools. Talks with animals.

Lieutenant: Runs into buildings when trying to leap them. Recognizes fire engines two out of three times. Is not allowed to use guns. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks to walls.

Paramedic: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Points and says, "Look at the pretty fire engine". Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself.

Firefighter: Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks fire engines and equipment out of his way. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. He is God.

Permalink Reply by Chief 29 on April 30, 2009 at 5:35pm

When Pigs Fly

John told Adam that he is predicting that Obama would be the next President. Adam's reply was "Yeah right, When pigs fly!
Well wouldn't you know it 100 days into President Obama's term we got Swine Flu.

Permalink Reply by BillySFCVFD on May 7, 2009 at 11:36pm

A hyptonist was trying to hypnotize a group of 200 people during a demostration in an auditorium. He stood on stage in front of the crowd holding his watch while swinging it and saying "you are getting sleepy, you are getting sleepy" He suddenly dropped to watch which fell all the way down to the auditorium floor and blurted out "Oh sh*t!"

It took a crew twelve hours to clean the place up.

Permalink Reply by A R Shafiu on June 20, 2009 at 12:14pm

How firefighter's identify a HAZMAT chemical using the COP Method:

1. Officer standing/Car running: Not hazardous.

2. Officer unconscious/Car running: Toxic fumes.

3. Officer unconscious/Car stalled: Oxygen displacing chemical.

4. Officer/Car both melting: Acidic chemical.

5. Officer/Car on fire: Extremely flammable.

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