Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Spanner 122 on December 12, 2007 at 10:39pm

Sorry Krissie, the only explanation for that is that he's jealous and/or archaic. It's too bad he couldn't just be supportive.

Permalink Reply by Salli aka Sam on December 14, 2007 at 9:50am

I know first hand what you are going thru...I was in a vol fire dept for over eleven years when i got divorced. My children were very young so i decided to leave the job for awhile to raise them alone. Not an easy decision by any means. After a few years I fell in love with my soul mate who passed away two months ago today from cancer (we were together14 loving years). After being with him for about two years I said to him that i wanted to rejoin the fire dept that i trully missed it and that the older children were getting old enough now to take care of the younger one and that i really felt that it was time for me to continue my calling. He totally went nuts on me. He didn't understand how I could enjoy doing such a dangerous job.. I was blessed though because I told him in no uncertain terms that I was going to do it and if he didn't like it tough "s" and i rejoined. He finally realized just how much it meant to me and how much i felt alive just by being able to help other out in our community. Men unfortuantely will always feel that they are the only ones that can do this type of work. I also have a cousin who is a paid firefighter and to this day will not acknowledge me as a firefighter. I showed him my firemen of the year plaque and he just laughed at me. Yes I admitt that still hurts. But you keep your chin up and be VERY PROUD OF YOUR WORK..someday they will see what you do and realize how much you enjouy doing what you do as well.
God bless and stay safe
Happy holidays

Permalink Reply by Jenny on December 19, 2007 at 12:39am

Amen to Spanner. I have been a volunteer for 13 years, been with my husband to 12 years and he still has a problem with it. His uncle is assistant chief, he has several friends that are on the dept. he knows nothing inappropriate is going on, but still, everytime the pager goes off, he says you don't need to go. He does not understand why we do this. Only twice has he actually said he was worried about me on a call, one was on the dawes and sioux complex fires in 06 and once when a gas tank exploded on a car fire i was working. but first I got a lot of grief before he finally said he had been worried about me. The rest of the time I get the attitude when I get home. Sometimes I get the "If I were out all night with a bunch of women like you are with the guys, you would have a fit." He does not understand when you are on a call or even down at the firehall, we are firefighters, not men and women.

Permalink Reply by sharon cleary-fanning on December 28, 2007 at 1:37pm

hello,
this sounds like a real problem, your boyfriend and the guys need to get over it.just do your thing girl and they will eventually accept you, my husband and i are both firefighters and emts together we work every sat and sun 12 hour shift together he would definately go into a burning building with me there is one other girl on the dept with us and shes awesome i have never been disrespected from any of the guys on the department sometimes i get lip from them but i give it right back im five feet 2 inches and 123 pounds and most of the guys tower over me but im always there and in the middle of everything its great im sorry your department is not the same take care and be strong stand your ground and carry your hose well youve earned it never forget that

Permalink Reply by Salli aka Sam on December 28, 2007 at 4:41pm

Years ago when i first joined the dept that i now am in i was the first female firefighter so needless to say there were alot of talk from other wives,girlfirends thinking that i was there just to get it on with their husbands and or boyfriends...my boyfriend at the time was also in the dept with me and had no problem with me doing the job. I grew up on a farm so he knew that I could handle myself and that i was strong in every sense of the word. and being half german and half irish i could stand my ground against all that was sent my way. I still hear it from the opposite sex even after all these years...i just hand it right back at them...just do your job and as long as your enjoying doing don't let them get to you...if they know that it bothers you then they willkeep it up until you walk away and that my friend is not going to happen..

Permalink Reply by katie-lynn on January 20, 2008 at 11:33pm

i totally agree with all these ladies..every single guy that i have dated has assumed that i go to the firehouse to flirt with every guy in there..but i mean all those guys are my brothers, my family..that's just gross! haha..that's why i'm thinking that i have to be destined to be with a ff, cop or a military guy..because no other guy would understand the passion that i have for this job..it runs in my blood, and i will never ever let a guy take me out of that firehouse..it's up to you to decide when it's your time to stop being active, and start your family..but just because you become a wife, or a mom..doesn't mean that you ever stop being a firefighter..you will never lose that passion, that love for the work you do..and that's the most important thing..you have to know what's important for you..and what you want..and everything will eventually fall into place around it..because no matter what..you have to be truly happy with you who you are, where you are, and what you're doing..and i know personally..that firehouse is where i belong..good luck girls!! you'll find mr. right soon!! <3-katie

Permalink Reply by Janelle S on January 21, 2008 at 10:25pm

Krissie -
There is not much to add beyond what the other women have added. Women do it and they do it well. It is important that there are women firefighters - as it is important that there are men firefighters. We all bring our special talents to the job and we work all work the job hard. Helping others have no sex it takes a human with a heart. It is obvious that you have a heart and passion. It is sorry that your significant other does not understand or what to share your large heart and passion to assist your fellow humankind through the nobile service of firefighting. I hope for you that one day he will (or you will find someone that does) understand how this is a calling and you have the calling. It is not easy but it is important.

Be safe and train hard,

J

Permalink Reply by CO8 FIREFIGHTER!! on January 31, 2008 at 1:19pm

Dear Krissie2228,
I wouldn't know the first thing about what u r going through I am sorry to say but, I feel that a man should support the woman in what she feels she needs to do. I am very lucky in that aspect because my husband and I are firefighters together. He knows how I feel about our community and that I want to give something back. I am very fortunate to have a man that does.I would like to tell your boyfriend that with out us how would you feel safe?? Yes, we do put our selves on the line but to us it is worth it period... I feel it is an honor to help someone out. If I save a life then I know I have done my job.I like the feeling of being on the call and saving a structure or helping a person who is in need of help. HE SHOULD COMMEND YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE TO DO SOMETHING FEW HAVE THE BALLS TO DO......... GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Permalink Reply by firefightinmom on February 1, 2008 at 9:54am

Men have a hard time with women being in those roles to begin with but then you add a boy firend or husband to the picture and that really sucks. My husband is a volunteer EMT and I recently became a firefighter. He is supportive of other women being in the field but it is totally different when it is me. They become jealous and insecure when it comes to us being around other men.

Permalink Reply by Tina on February 20, 2008 at 2:39pm

I wish I could help you explain it to him. My husband is a retired soldier - 21 years Army - and served with women right next to him. Yet he gets this very disapproving tone and look whenever we are toned out (I am a volunteer) and I go running out the door. He does his best to support me, but I think it is that inherent "he-man" thing that makes them all think we are helpless and should be home being the cute little wife instead of doing what we do. I do wish you luck.

Permalink Reply by krissie2228 on February 23, 2008 at 7:50am

Thank you for everyones help with this. I'm not with the guy I was talking about anymore but I am seeing someone who is crazy about me being a FF and brags to his friends about it. I dont think he was jealous of the Fire Dept. I think he was jealous of the people that I had fun hanging out with at the Station. Either way he's gone and again thanks!

Permalink Reply by amanda on March 29, 2008 at 10:27am

its an intimidation issue. my ex husband couldnt handle me having to leave at all hours of the day and night and having to cut out on family occasions because of a freak accident or structure fire. one day i asked him why our relationship seemed so different and tense and he finnaly told me the truth. he was intimidated that his wife had a better and more respectable job than he did. he asked how i would feel if i was him and someone asked what we do, having to tell them that his wife is a firefighter and he was a construction worker was really hard for him. but you know what?! it all turned out for the best in the end! here i am now with a beautiful relationship with my son and my new boyfriend. he can handle it and is very proud to tell everyone that his woman can kick their womans ass! lol

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