Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Spanner 122 on October 15, 2007 at 9:05am

I think the first step in learning to deal with them is to understand that we really aren't the same. When the tones go off, all they really care about is if you can do your job; you can drag that 5 inch hose to the hydrant, carry the 60lb highrise bag up those 12 flights of stairs, hold that 2 1/2 line open on the exposure, drag out the victim that we find still in bed, carry out CPR without flinching and knowing all procedures... As long as the work is done, there's no issue. The issues tend to arise back at the firehouse.
I acknowledge the differences and even tend to make jokes about it now and then, I think trying to be exactly the same is what offends them the most. I have a friend who insisted on using the guys bathroom, the guys shower, the little things that bothered the guys. In a department where the women make up less than 2%, HR is scared, if we see one of the guys naked for example, it's their fault, not ours. Most men realize that a complaint from them will normally get very little response where a complaint from a woman will get all Chiefs and HR in one room wondering what to do and someone getting written up. Of course they feel threatened, but I think it's less of an ego thing and more of an outright fear thing. Some of them feel they cannot be themselves for fear or repurcussions.

I find it really hard to explain, but as long as you don't go in trying to make major changes and just work hard and get along, then things will be fine. Change in this kind of atmosphere happens slowly and is usually done by little actions. I don't think you'll find another career out there that is so entrenched in it's tradition and "the way things are" as the fire service. Police services went through this a long time ago and although there are still some issues, they've gone through the majority of the growing pains. I've posted on here before that a female officer who was hired back in the late 70's had great advice for me. "You have to work twice as hard to be considered half as good, as long as you're carrying your load on your shoulder and not a chip, you'll be fine." She is a highly respected officer, she worked with my father at two separate postings and he said she was one of the best officers he has ever had the pleasure of working with. I believe you also have to walk in and prove yourself, without actually behaving like you have something to prove. Do the work and gain the acceptance. if you watch carefully, you'll see this with the rookies as well, it's not always just a woman thing.

Permalink Reply by Firegal77 on November 13, 2007 at 8:55am

I couldnt have said it better! We have all had to bump up against a male ego or two, hell I've bumped into worse with other women, but I agree with spanner, "carry your load not a chip". It has worked smashingly for me. Give respect and you will usually get it in return. Sometimes you are just dealing with an ass, but it's my experience that those are few, the rest will usually support you whole heartedly when they know you to be an honest hard working person that has everyones best interest in mind. With that being said, I have been in a situation where I was constantly butting heads with a man. No matter what I did he was against me. I used to get so frustrated, and even the other guys would say that he just had a problem with strong women. But one day I was determined to resolve the issue or get in his face. I was done dealing with it. Somewhere along the line I really started to analyze the situation, and tried to put myself in his position to figure out why he hated me so much. I started to recognize that I was really challenging his authority over me, as well as hurting his ego with my knowledge on things he most likely felt he should know better than me. I decided to change the way I approached him, and not be as threatening. Instead of making decisions on my own because he wasnt making them, I started asking him for his opinion, and rewording my questions in a way that made him feel like I valued his opinion. It didnt take long before a lot of the tension went away. He even apologised for being harsh a few times. He just needed to feel important and respected. So, If you are having trouble with some of the guys, then try asking yourself what your part in it is. If you are truly free of any blame, then there is nothing you can do, and you gotta let it go. You cant hold onto this kind of stuff and be the best you can be. trust me... Let your actions speak louder than words.

Permalink Reply by VIFirewoman on November 19, 2007 at 12:29pm

SOmetimes I feel like I have to put 200% in because I don't want to disappoint the guys. Physically I cannot lift what they can and Ijust hope they do not hold a grudge for that ;I try to build my stamina through exercise and lifting weights so I can pull my own and do what is expected.

Permalink Reply by HangingInThere on August 8, 2008 at 7:38pm

I've never have any equal opportunity or respect problems among the guys in my dept. All I had to do was prove that I could make it through the same military fire school they did. After I earned my badge, we were on an equal playing field. Many of the civilians on my department have told me they'd go in a fire with me over like at least 90% of the guys for sure! They only problem we have is that they're jealous I have my own bathroom haha! That and the fact that they love my cooking and want like 4ths and 5ths :)

Permalink Reply by Lucie Draper on August 13, 2008 at 1:01pm

In my 8 yrs,I have hit many walls with men but the answer is simple. When you are on the job you should have the "just one of the guys "mentality.After I leave I am mom and Mike's wife. I don't ask for anything extra or special treatment. The only way to take down the WALL is one brick at a time.

Permalink Reply by brenda caldwell on August 24, 2008 at 8:15pm

I do not have any problems at my fire house with the men but there are depts we work with that do. Just do you best and do not give up. Work hard. Let them know your in it to stay as I did and things do get better. They need to know your in it for the long haul and will have their backs. be safe.

Permalink Reply by anne potter on August 25, 2008 at 11:43pm

I have been around for a while in the fire business.. I ended up moving to a town that only had male fireman.. A couple of girls had put their names to join and the dept knew it was time to start.. I put my name in.. First women to join the dept was going to be the big head lines... Well the night I was going to be voted in I asked them vote the other two in I did not want the big name the other two had no training and was doing it to say I was the first... we all got in Things
started to changeThe dept had a mens league for softball.. Oh they had to be on it.. not me, after the fire most of the guys sat around and had a few.. I went home.. The two sat around and drank with them.. Next thing you married men and wellllllllll... I got more respect from the wifes and the rest of the dept because I was just there to be a firemen,not to change anything.. Try not to push things with them .. Do you job and do it well.. scare them next time stand up to pee go in the mens room ...

Permalink Reply by Shannon Hartman on September 22, 2008 at 10:29pm

When I became a member of my Fire Dept. I was the 2nd female ever to be on this dept. I knew going into it I was going to be the "outsider" and I also had to deal with the problems left over from the previous female. But I went into it thinking I was'nt going to change who I was or try to be someone I'm not. Luckily I have been accepted very well and think of all the guys on my dept. as brothers. I would do anything for them and I feel like they would do the same for me. As for dealing with male ego's, where do we as females, not have to deal with that? LOL I would just be yourself and if they have a problem accepting you, then its just that, there problem. If you can go in there and do the job, laugh, joke and be yourself, you should'nt have many problems. Hope this helps.

Permalink Reply by Haylee on October 15, 2008 at 10:39pm

Most of our department is really respectful to us women. They really are glad we are there, they make us keep them in line even though it usually doesnt work hahaha but they are actually really respetful to us and we know that we can go to them with any questions or anything at all