The Social Network & Community JUST for Firefighters
That's Why.
From: www.tigerschmittendorf.com
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I recently responded to a post on FirefighterNation.com from my friend Adam Box, who shared the dilemma he was experiencing with his significant other:
Tomorrow, I will be attending the funeral of Elizabeth Fire Department Acting Captain Gary Stephens. This will be my second (unfortunately I doubt it will be my last) time attending a LODD funeral.
I was in a bit of a bad mood (about something unrelated) and was talking to my girlfriend and mentioned I would be attending the funeral. She asked me why, since funerals put me in a bad mood, I would go to another funeral that I didn’t have to go. I know I need to go.
My question, I suppose, is how do I explain to someone outside of the fire service the brotherhood that we all share and why I would feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man I’ve never met?
I read his question with great interest because I’ve been in his shoes before. I’ve tried to explain this “thing” that we share. I’m not sure I’m very good at it. Here was my response:
Adam -
You’ve answered your own question. The fact that you feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man you’ve never met - is the definition of brotherhood.
The answer to why you feel compelled to go - is because he would do the same for you.
That’s the real brotherhood of the fire service in its rawest and most public form.
I readily admit that it’s difficult to explain and can even be quite intimidating to those who “don’t drink from the same cup,” but as my good friend Art Goodrich said: If she doesn’t get it, she probably doesn’t get you.
Two words: Good Luck.
That very same day, I too attended the funeral of a firefighter from a neighboring county who died in the line of duty. I never met the man, but you see, I didn’t need to. I know plenty just like him.
His brother firefighters did a great job in giving due honors to Corfu/East Pembroke Captain Norm Koch. Here’s the link to the newspaper article detailing their efforts: http://thedailynewsonline.com/articles/2009/01/05/news/5025653.txt
Still in my Class-A uniform, I decided to go to the Erie County Medical Center to visit Friendship NY Firefighter Tom Torpey. ECMC is the trauma center where Tom had been since a brick wall collapsed unexpectedly on him and three of his brother firefighters from Friendship and Cuba at a commercial structure fire on December 22, 2008.
Tom’s a hard-working young man, a dedicated volunter, all of 29 years of age; and a father figure to five children with his wife Jessica. In what should be the prime of his life, those bricks shattered his body, but certainly not his spirit. He's a fighter.
I went to his room, but he wasn’t there. Just a few days out of the ICU, and with the help of his wife and a fellow Friendship Firefighter, Tom was roaming the halls in a wheelchair, making friends and influencing people.
He’s completely aware of what happened that fateful Sunday morning. Feeling blessed that the outcome wasn’t worse, Tom keeps himself busy sharing his positive attitude with anyone who passes him in the hall. Not letting it keep him down, he’s already taking baby steps with the aid of a walker. But he’s far from out of the woods.
It’s expected that he’ll need close medical attention for at least another month or more, whether in the trauma center or after being moved to a rehab center closer to home, which is more than 80 miles away from the hospital in Buffalo.
For now, their lodging and transportation needs are being met through the graciousness of our local Ronald McDonald House in Buffalo, but there may be gaps where they need our help. Jessica is starting to go home on the weekends to take care of the kids and because of the distance, Tom will be left alone at times.
In just our brief encounter, I can tell that Tom Torpey is a self-motivated person. And to keep him motivated and in good spirits, everyone’s suggesting that he gets lots of cards, patches and visits from his brother and sister firefighters. See what you can do about that.
Send cards and well wishes to:
Friendship Fire Department
P.O. Box 503 - Friendship NY 14739
A benefit is planned for the four firefighters on Saturday-February 28, 2009 from 1-6pm at the Friendship Fire Department. A fund has been established by the Cuba and Friendship Fire Departments to assist the firefighters and their families with expenses.
You can visit the Cuba Fire Department’s web site: www.cfdsmokeeaters.com for frequent updates on the injured firefighters and fundraising efforts. Please send checks or money orders to:
Collapsed FireFighter Fund
c/o FASNY FEDERAL CREDIT UNION
107 WASHINGTON AVE.
ALBANY NEW YORK 12210
Before I left the hospital, Tom’s fellow firefighter thanked me for stopping by. As I shook his hand, I sensed by the expression on his face that he was a little taken back by my visit, maybe wondering why I just appeared at the hospital, unannounced.
You see, I had never met Tom Torpey, but I didn’t need to. I know plenty just like him.
I thought to myself, “Because he would do the same for me.”
That’s why.
Add a Comment
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Comment by Bruce Mack on January 7, 2009 at 7:29pm
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YOu hit it right on the head Tiger, and if the others wouldn't do it, they are not part of the brotherhood, they ar the ones in it for themselves, not for the better of thier fellow man. Hey the expresions true too i hear it quite abit myself aroound the firehouse. Then you bring in the person who taught or shared that item with you and they are a god. lmao.
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Comment by lutan1 on January 7, 2009 at 7:11pm
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Tiger, I took your adviseand started to trawl through your site and came across the article, "Death Toll".
For those who haven't seen it, go to http://tigerschmittendorf.com/2008/11/death-toll/
I'm gonna quote part of it, because I think in a round-about sort of way, it forms part of what I said earlier, and I'llk admit that I can use this advice- I just wonder how many others on FFN will acknowledge they shoudl as well....
If we want to really honor them, honor them now while they’re still with us.
Honor them by respecting them for their years of service, whether you can count them on one hand or you need to borrow someone else’s fingers and toes to do it.
Honor them by showing up for every “opportunity” our customers present us. Honor them by training right along side them or dragging them to training if you have to. Honor them by listening to their stories, no matter how many times you’ve heard them. Honor them by telling them your stories, because they don’t have many of their own, yet.
Honor their family for being the ones who are making the real sacrifices every day. Honor their family and your family by wearing your seat belt every time you get in any vehicle and by doing everything else necessary to keep you and your fellow firefighters alive and safe.
Take every opportunity to recognize your people for both their struggles and their accomplishments. Recognize, reward and publicly honor them. Don’t wait. Do it now.
Trust me; they’ll enjoy it a lot more now - than later…
We should be working towards addressing the safety isuses we see on the videos, photos, etc, not hanging everyone out to dry- maybe then, we'll slow down the LODD rate....
I know what I'm trying to say, I'm just not sure it's coming across right- I'll leave it at that....
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Comment by Paul Montpetit on January 7, 2009 at 6:45pm
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Well put my friend ...But most importantly my Brother...as for the banter....well isn't that also sort of a part of us..? I know there is a lot of it around the Firehouse from time to time....BUT...Let the alarm go off...or let it be known that someone needs a hand or something and see who is there...most times it will be your Brothers there to do whatever is needed...and without being asked as well.....We are truely blessed to be part of this wonderful family...Part of my little thing....Keeping the Faith...Stay safe all....Paul
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"Appear" is the operative word there. Are you familiar with the phrase: "You're an a**hole in your own backyard - and a hero in everybody else's?"
I have to say "appear" as I'm on the other side of the world- it's based on what I see here, as opposed to first hand experience.
I hadn't heard the expression though- I must have a big back yard. I reckon I've got people calling me that all around the world....! But like yourself with other things, I too shrug it off. (BTW, I don't think you are)
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Comment by Tiger Schmittendorf on January 7, 2009 at 7:58am
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PS - I had to chuckle at your comment:
(Maybe for you specifically they would, becuase you appear to be so well respected and well known throughout the service)
"Appear" is the operative word there. Are you familiar with the phrase: "You're an a**hole in your own backyard - and a hero in everybody else's?"
Remember, it's only the name of the department that changes. Everything else remains the same.
Thanks for holding me in such high regard. It's nice to know that someone does...
- And don't worry about me. If someone didn't think I was an a**hole, I wouldn't be doing my job.
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Thanks for the feedback everyone.
Lutan - I don't necessarily disagree with your somewhat pessimistic perspective of the fire service. While I fully acknowledge it, I just tend to shrug it off and move forward despite the despair.
If you'll notice, I don't partake a lot in the negative banter here. I observe and try to learn from other people's mistakes and take action to make sure they're not repeated by my fire department or the 96 other fire departments I oversee training for.
If jumping on the bandwagon is a problem, and admitting we have a problem is the first step to recovery - then do something about it and get yourself and everyone else you can touch back on the road to recovery in the fire service. Now that I think of it, that's part of my New Year's Resolution: http://tigerschmittendorf.com/2009/01/fixit/
The following link may shed some light on this contradiction that you speak of. If not, you should at least have a clearer understanding of my perspective on this matter. And, if you can't tell - I feel very strongly about it.
In the meantime, I'm traveling four hours today hrough freezing rain to get some leadership training over the next three days. Maybe I'll learn something. God knows I've got a lot to learn.
Stay safe. Train often.
http://tigerschmittendorf.com/2008/11/death-toll/
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Tiger, between you and Art, there's some great reading on this site- well done!
But (and I might cop some heat for this) I'm really conflicted by this posting you've done....
You see, I had never met Tom Torpey, but I didn’t need to. I know plenty just like him.
I thought to myself, “Because he would do the same for me.”
That’s why.
I actually don't think many FF's would actually do what you have done. (Maybe for you specifically they would, becuase you appear to be so well respected and well known throughout the service!)
If we trawl through this and other websites, we're amazingly unforgiving and scathing in our attacks (And I've been just as guilty) on our so called "brothers" when we see videos and photos of things going bad, perforiming unsafe acts, etc (Look at the "Flashover" video on FFN for a great example). We hang 'em out to dry, we crucify them, we attack them.
However the moment there's an LODD, we jump on the bandwagon of "Oh, weren't they great, they gave everything, look at the sacrifice they made", etc (or words to that affect). That's regardless of how they died.
Why? Why do we attack the ones who survived to fight another day and then standby the ones who die, who quite possibly died doing the wrong or unsafe thing?
I'm confused- please shed some light for me...
I should add, that I'm in no way trying to disrespect Tiger, Adam, or anyone else in this discussion, I'm just being honest in what I see and read on this whole LODD issue- it doesn't make sense to me.
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Comment by Gordon "Gopher" Runer on January 7, 2009 at 2:17am
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Wow that truly sums up what is the greatest thing about the fire service.
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Comment by Adam Box on January 7, 2009 at 12:54am
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I already posted in that forum discussion, but I wanted to extend to you a special thanks Tiger. You really helped me out with this whole situation. Stay safe.
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