So as some of you probably don't know... I'm about five months pregnant. Doing it the single route as the husband and I didn't work out. He's sworn off the baby and myself. I'd posted some things about this at the time when the drama went to hell.

My fire dept was forced to put me on leave till after the birth. Our trustees felt that there was to much risk for my child, myself, and of course it would put the patient care in somewhat of a tid bit of jeopardy as my doctor gave me a twenty pound lifting restriction. I am however allowed to pick up volunteer runs and drive the trucks, but since I live about a half hour from the dept this has become a bit of predicament since I wouldn't be able to get there fast enough. I have stayed in touch with my fire family via our meetings and community outreach functions so I'm not out of the loop or anything. Truthfully if anything I feel closer than ever to them as they've really been supportive through the struggle! Some have nicknamed the little bugger the little cadet. Though my childs father is no where to be found, there are plenty of people anxious and excited for it's arrival. I'm mostly itching to back to work with the dept. I had to delay my fire training though.... I found out a few days before I was supposed to begin that I was expecting! This was a complete ACCIDENT but I've embraced it thus far and will love my child. Be it planned or not. With next month should come the knowledge of gender, PROVIDED it cooperates. Thus far it has been obnoxious with the doctor and ultrasound techs. For example everytime the doctor is able to locate it's heartbeat with the doppler it MOVES. and then it takes a good five to ten minutes for them to find. Then the poor ultrasound techs struggle to capture it's image. Everytime they try take pictures it moves!!!! LOL I'm digging it's evasive personallity as I tend to be this way myself! I plan to continue on my path in fire/ems as soon as it's born and I'm released back into the world by my doctor. I will not give up my dream simply because I'm a single mother. I want to do this more than ever to show my child that it can do anything, no matter what circumstances come before it. I will be a success so that my little one can see that he or she can be one too!

I will not lie, I'm more scared of this child than anything. Becoming a parent and having this little one counting on me for it's every need and desire is intimidating. But I'm determined to face this down and not let fear hold me back....