This is the worst time of the year for me . I was born on Dec. 20 th a fews yrs ago . and since my 14th birthday I have always hated it . Chrismas is just as bad because I feel its not fair to get 2 sets of gifts that week, I remeber when my grandparents would come over and my dad was always at work ,when we had cake and home made icecream for me . But my dads parents never came over because of the weather .My dad whome I love dearly was always working plowing snow for the town,so we could have things that we needed.There was atime when we went to my dads parents (I think) and when we got back "santa " was thier and gone ,but dad was in the tub cleaning up and getting warm too ,it was cold in New York. we got huge amounts of snow in the 60s and 70s but he was a busy man keeping his family fed and clothed.As I got older I seen my grandpa die and grandma could not see him ,When I left for the Army in 1979 I was away from all family . But that I chose. Then I got married and kids then all the things that could go wrong went wrong .This I chose also but did not have too. just being so far a way from family was the worst thing for anyone , even today . Life was simple in the 60s and 70s , we had no worries ,cause mom and dad would fix it , we sat there and it just happened.My parents worked thier ass off for what to get older and die ? I had made a vow NOT to do that but this country SUCKS!!!! So now we have no choice to work eveyday and all night to just get by ,for what so the dam government can steal it !! Yes thats it .As far as having 2 gifts in a week it just is not fair to those whom dont get anything in one year .I have not and wont ever bring back the things that my kids missed but can try to make the life I have left a good one some how . When I was born I came home on christmas day , and from what I was told I slept 90% of my life from day 1 and i still believe that today .Mom would have to wake me up to feed me everyday.My sister Meridith she had dropped me on my head and she was teriffied that she killed me , sometimes I wished I was never born, i wished i had the nerve to kill myself at times ,but then when you cry your self to sleep you wake up and everything seams to be okay for awhile . Then something or someone would piss you off.And it would start over again.I really have no idea why I hate christmas or my birthday . When it comes down to it ... I guess ... its because I see what everyone else was getting and I knew my parents could not afford it ,but made me wanted it more . I was always told "WE DONT HAVE THE MONEY" so dont ask!!!!! Here is something also .. suicide!!!!! Oh yes I have thought of it !!Many times during my life from about 15 till now ,just last week ... I wanted out !!! but I cant ! my grand kids would hate me ,along w/ my wife , 3 sons 3 daughters mostly . I do know Cody and Matt have thought of it both have told me so . I can say 1 thing ! If you diont know me , you would not think of me this way . When it comes down to doing my job ,wheather in Fire service or my reg. job ,Im not totally crazy ,just totaly confused.... watch for more soon.Okay ! I know there is a question about me talking about suicide, and it why am I driving a school bus. Its because I can and have no record of it any where , because I was never committed. hahahahah. But I was seeing a person for depression,but thats not on any record also . hahahahahhaha.The real reason that I hate chrismas and birthdays is I hate everything,when I was younger and it just followed me thru life ... yes I can change that but why! Who cares if iam depressed or suicidal ?Would I hurt myself ? NO cause I dont like pain .I am a fraid to die. Its thought of having dirt on you ,shoved in the ground , a lawn mower going over you in the summer, things like that .Somepeople think I am crying for help , but i am just trying to get a few things of my chest ! So as far as my birthday being 5 days from christmas I hate it but most kids would like it . So in the long run ... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS.

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