Subject: Airline comments
>
>
>
> >I never get the airline staff with this kind of sense of humor!
> >
> >
> >>
> >> Airline Announcements?
> >> United Flight Attendant announced, 'People, people
> > we're not picking
> >> out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!
> >> *************************************
> >>
> >> On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to
> > take all of your
> >> belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please
> > make sure it's
> >> something we'd like to have. '
> >> *************************************
> >>
> >> 'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there
> > are only 4 ways
> >> out of this airplane'
> >> *************************************
> >>
> >> An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
> > he had hammered
> >> his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had
> > a policy which
> >> required the first officer to stand at the door while
> > the passengers
> >> exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our
> > airline.' He
> >> said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard
> > time looking the
> >> passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would
> > have a smart
> >> comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a
> > little old lady
> >> walking with a cane.
> >> She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
> >> 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is
it?'
> >> The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we
> > shot down?'
> >> ***************************************
> >>
> >> As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald
> > Reagan, a lone
> >> voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella,
> > WHOA!'
> >> *******************************************
> >>
> >> After a particularly rough landing during
> > thunderstorms in Memphis, a
> >> flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
> > 'Please take care
> >> when opening the overhead compartments because sure as
> > hell everything
> >> has shifted after a landing like that.'
> >> *************************************
> >>
> >> Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
> > perfect landing:
> >> 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain
> > Kangaroo bounces us to
> >> the terminal.'
> >> *************************************
> >>
> >> Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo
> > , Texas on a
> >> particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final
> > approach, the
> >> Captain was really having to fight it. After an
> > extremely hard
> >> landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and
> > Gentlemen, welcome to
> >> Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat
> > belts fastened
> >> while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to
> > the gate!'
> >> ***********************************
> >>
> >> 'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in
> > the event of an
> >> emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and
> > take them with our
> >> compliments.'
> >> ***********************************
> >>
> >> 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of
> > your belongings.
> >> Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
> > the flight
> >> attendants. Please do not leave children or
> > spouses......except for
> >> that gentleman over there.'
> >> ******************************************
> >>
> >> Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard
> > landing in Salt
> >> Lake City The flight attendant came on the intercom
> > and said, 'That
> >> was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.
> > I'm here to
> >> tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
> > pilot's fault,
> >> it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the
> > asphalt.'
> >> ****************************************
> >>
> >> After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix , the
> > attendant came on
> >> with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your
> > seats until Capt.
> >> Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
> > screeching halt
> >> against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
> > cleared and the
> >> warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and
> > you can pick your
> >> way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
> >> ****************************************
> >>
> >> Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
> > 'We'd like to thank
> >> you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
> > time you get the
> >> insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a
> > pressurized metal
> >> tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways.'
> >> ****************************************
> >>
> >> Heard on a Southwest Airline flight - 'Ladies and
> > gentlemen, if you
> >> wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is
> > on the wing and
> >> if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
> >> ****************************************
> >>
> >> A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport . After
> > it reached a
> >> comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
> > announcement over
> >> the intercom, 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your
> > captain speaking.
> >> Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to
> > Los Angeles .
> >> The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should
> > have a smooth and
> >> uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY
> > GOD!' Silence
> >> followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came
> > back on the
> >> intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so
> > sorry if I scared
> >> you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
> > attendant
> >> accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap.
> > You should see
> >> the front of my pants!'
> >> A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You
> > should see the back of mine!'