Finally we get to go to the Guilderland Fire Tower and do our confined space drill....We were shut down two weeks prior...something to do with 97 degree heat and bunker gear and insurance liability.

Having never even seen a confined space drill, let alone participated, I was a little antsy on arrival. We pull up and I see four massive round concrete towers interconnected by these ridged plastic tubes......a Habitrail on a grand scale if you will. Little did I know that I was the hamster that was going to get her furry ass OWNED by the smallest of these rodent carriers.

Asst. Chief Gannon says..."Listen up! This is play time. Do as much or as little as you like, but take the opportunity to challenge yourself". To me? That's like waving a red flag in front of a bull, I'm all about taking it on. I decide that my first foray into the tunnel is going to be bunker gear and helmet only ---just to get a taste before I gear up.

I grab my flashlight and follow on the heels of my best buddy Ron....and off we go.

Tunnel number 1 is CAKE.....I barely have to kneel, plenty of room...yeah, it's dark, but I have no issues with dark tight spaces (I could expound on that but I'll demur) ---so limited light, we're following each other...Ron cracks a joke about Loch Ness and we're having some fun. We reach Tower 1 in the tunnel and lo and behold there are about six inches of the skankiest water you don't ever want to encounter filling the space we need to cross to get to the next tunnel. Fine. Dandy. We crab walk our way through and hit the next tunnel.

Oh....this is a bit snug....I'm down on my forearms and knees, and working a little harder to shuffle through. Ron is DEFINITELY working to get through. I hear " Oh damn, I probably could have skipped a donut this week" wafting back toward me. Luckily for me he didn't have any beans or broccoli this week, or something ELSE might have been wafting back toward me....something more fragrant and less team-building.

Tunnel tower 2 is just as flooded as number 1, but we're feeling adept at negotiating the water hazard, so onward we plunge.
Well hell's bells....this is borderline TIGHT. I have a fleeting moment of wondering if this is how a high school senior feels on prom night, and then get down to the business of crawling through.....I take my helmet off and shove it ahead of me....and I'm not in inchworm mode, , but the tunnel walls are feeling kind of ...."confining" ...which considering the drill, is appropos.

The last tunnel. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!! There is NO room for error. This puppy is way small....and I'm down to bunker pants, tank top and gloves.....everything else is getting shoved ahead of me.....now I"m sweaty and while I"m not panicked...I'm not feeling the love. I practically had to dislocate both shoulders and take a diver's stance to get my top half into the tunnel. I'm doing this crazy crab walk-elbow thing, while pushing off the toes of my boots....and then......

and then......I'm in the lead......and I stupidly shine my flashlight up the tunnel.

Holy Spider Web Kingdom From Hell.

I freeze. I don't even have the room to reach up and brush down my hair...which, for those who don't know me...I have a TON of hair......all I can do is crab-slide and inchworm forward.....all the while my brain is furiously imagining all sorts of icky things crawling on me.

Then I get stuck. The tunnel has this weird dip in it, like someone really big sat on it......and I can't get through without backing up...and contorting myself sideways....and then flipping almost all the way over like a turtle.....my toes scrabbling for purchase and the bulk of my body weight on my elbows.

Finally.....a light at the end of the tunnel from hell. I'm out!! It's like giving birth to myself!!! I made it!!!

Then I hear......"Probie....turn your nomex hood around, grab an airpack and go again" .....Pardon my swearing...but what the FUCK happened to "play time at your own pace"??????
So now I get to renavigate the same series of tunnels with an airpack....and blind.

Swell. Loving this.

I hit the first tower and KERSPLASH........I'm face down in six skanky inches of water with god-only-knows-what floating in it.....

Soaked...disoriented.....tired.......I get to the Munchkin tunnel, take off my pack...my helmet......my coat....hell, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have stripped down to my bra and undies......but I left myself half dressed.....

and foot by agonizing foot......weird creepy feeling that was something was crawling on me.......I get stuck in the EXACT SAME SPOT.......only this time I'm starting to freak out. I'm blind....I hope that the tunnel is ending soon, but I can't see and can't tell.....and my breathing is coming so hard and fast......I think I literallly hoisted myself on my elbows and did some crazy spider crawl through the tunnnel.

Two days later....I literally look like I got beaten with a phone book. My forearms and elbows and knees are dark blue, black, green and purple with bruising. I think to myself...."good thing I'm not still married or folks might get the wrong idea" .....

I loved it. I loved every creepy, dark and scary part of it. What's wrong with me???!!!!

And then???? Payback......

I got my brand new Cairns Helmet tonight........no more salad bowl with a sticker on it....I got myself a New Yorker with a leather shield and I'm so proud and happy I could throw up.

I feel for the first time tonight like "one of the guys". Then I joined my horseshoe league, sucked bus wind and went right back to feeling like a chick. :P

Until next time....stay safe and wear your seatbelt.