I look back and I think to myself would I be where I am today if I had not gone through it all.I was the best wife I knew how to be .I was the best at evrything I tried to do for him.It didn't pan out , it didn't work.Suck it up.Get your stuff in order and now figure out what you want out of your life. I figure if I could put all of the effort I spent trying to be a great wife into something just for me how I could I help being great at it too.Learn all you can learn. Get enrolled in school( which I did ).I have always had an interest in nursing but what area should I do ?? I figured it out went to school for a while then went to work as an agency employee. I learned ,and I learned and found my niche in life. I am awesome at what I do . There are very few that can do what I do ,and as well as I do it. I found a business partner and started my own business and am doing very well. Most of the money stays in the business but I am doing very well.
The company now staffs every hospital in the state of Utah. We are not doing anything long term care but I am different than all of my competition.I have found my life and I really thank my ex husband for pushing me out on my own. It sucked the way he did it. I know in my heart that I would have stayed being the good little wife and been very content doing just that . I know that I would have never spread my wings and flown the way that I have. It is strange to feel that my success was getting divorced. My success was going through all the crap I went through. If I were talking to my ex I guess that i would say Thanks for pushing me out of the nest.I had to hit the ground and land on my head and really hurt myself before I could pull myself up and move forward. I know now that he regrets what he has and wishes that my life were open to him to come back but I can only hit my head so many times.
I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. The self doubt is by far the hardest to get past. You can do it . I know that what I have written doesn't seem so painful but there are parts that are just too painful to share . I know that what I am saying is not going to be easy for anyone to do . I need to say once again that there are woman out there that are truly blessed to have wonderful husbands, that are faithful and true and they are very lucky to have what they have . Hold on to them honey. Be that great wife and mother that makes little firefighters.To those of us that are cast offs well I say to you being married to a firefighters is a hard job and no amount of understanding works.
Move on and past it . You can find a great life out there because you are strong or you would not have made it this far.
A part of you will miss that life . I do some days only because I would like him to see what he lost and what a great person I am without him.