Being a Firefighter is a hard job...How to be the WIFE

If your lucky you get a mentor. If you don't, find your butt and with both hands hold on. You are about to get the ride of your life. You will learn how to take care of small plumbing issues,car issues,kid issues,and learn how to go to all family events by yourself. You will feel the urge to get a T-shirt printed that simply says "he is at the station" so that You can stop answering that question. You will want to have several pictures around the house so when "HE" /"SHE" comes home they (the kids) don' t run away screaming thinking there is a stranger in the house. Tell them not to call 911 when they see them. Go over his all weekly.Most of the Firefighters/Paramedics that I know have the part time job that turns into just another full time job. Its not bad enough that now you are married to one of the people that run into burning buildings, when everyone else runs out !
They make the decision to FLY ! The big honor of making the flight crew at the local Trauma Center. Now you are putting picures in the car and all the places that you can now draw a BIG RED ARROW and write the letters next to the picure D.A.D.D.Y don't call the cops. You learn how to be both MOM and Dad. You will get the nightly phone call from the station when things have quieted down for a while after dinner or just before they try to go to bed for a while before they get that middle of the night call that you get to see on the morning news. You are gone to work by the time they get home. If your relationship is strong and your man is commited to you get down on your knees and say a prayer.You are a lucky woman. I can tell you from experience there are plenty of women out there that have no morals and no second thoughts about the fact he is married.It doesn't help if he forgets it too !! You ask "How does he forget??"Easy.. for several it comes very easy. You are now competeing with the Groupie. Women that have sex with them because "oh my god he is a FIREMAN !!!" YA YA what ever.They come out of the woodwork,no there is nothing to slow them or kill them. You can only hope for Carma to get them all. This now includes your husband.
Then you find out ! You have been the wife that bakes treats for the station and brings the 'other" uniform to the station and feel like you have a great life . Now its gone to crap! You can do the stupid things that I did and overlook it.My recommendation would be NO! You can't kill him. I even went to the hospial and begged the groupie to take him.She worked in the ER as an EMT.She denied knowing him which just insulted me more. I had seen her kissing him goodbye in he parking structure. I can say not all of them are like mine.Most are great guys and you need to just be there and love them and understand. This job is their dream. Live it with them.

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Comment by Jon Bendet on March 31, 2009 at 3:57am
C'mon these guys and girls are people. And no question in my mind a type of person that cares more about others even strangers more than most anybody else in this world. The personal battle you have from within as a firefighter and the lifestyle is unlike any other yes. Some people in relationships are just junk, or it was the wrong person, or whatever. I haven't experienced this personally being that I'm a rookie. I guess the divorce rate is like the highest for firefighters, but it doesn't immediately doom a relationship if it is real. Communicate people, make it happen.
Comment by on January 26, 2009 at 1:54am
Very true! Visit to get some support from other women who truly understand the lifestyle! :)
Comment by Susie Young on June 2, 2008 at 12:46pm
Hey Tim help comes in small doses.I tried to schedule around my husband's schedule, hard to do .
Schedules are hard.I told my husband one day don't ask me to choose between him and the dogs.That day the dogs would have won ! try to make the most of your time .Take short trips away from both your jobs.get motels or stay at inns,somewhere more romantic,don't talk about work. You can be too close to your job! Money an issue ? How long have you been on that department? How much do you love it ? What is your second job ? I think smaller departments may be more challenging
Comment by Tim on May 31, 2008 at 9:24pm
When I met my wife, she knew what kind of job and hours I have, so it's no surprise. Now that I work as a firefighter/paramedic for a paid fire district in a major tourist area, the hours are longer it seems and the pay isnt bad but property costs more here than in the cities due to the fact that there isn't any crime to speak of and next to a large body of water. So I have to work 2 jobs. She works full time at the hospital here and we do get time off together, but it's never good enough. What to do? It seems we are always arguing and fighting as "I am never home". I do not have kids here but I have 3 spoiled rotten shelties that adore me. so what else can I do? Can someone shed some light on this? HELLPPPP!!
Comment by Rebecca Marlow on May 30, 2008 at 9:46am
Thanks Susie, I will. He is a good man. He is an EMT-B as well as Fire Chief. He has grown a whole lot in the past eight years that we have been married. I have watched him mature more and more. I realize that some are not so fortunate but you have to hang in there. God will see you through any problems that you are having. He will open doors and windows for you and when it is right, He will send you the man he has made for you.
Comment by Susie Young on May 28, 2008 at 2:41pm
Yes Rebecca you are lucky, but I too understood. Mine I am sure was the rotten apple from the tree.
I worked at the hospital. He is a paramedic we had alot in common, Girl you just plain got Really lucky give that man a big kiss and tell him just how lucky you are.Hang on to that one!
Comment by Rebecca Marlow on May 28, 2008 at 9:11am
Well, I guess I am one of the lucky ones. My firefighter is not one who cheats. He was one who was cheated on by his ex-wife. He works days and I work nights. I am fortunate and know his eyes are only for me. We have been married for eight years and he has been in the fire service for twenty two years. He is a great man. His ex-wife never understood why he was a firefighter, but she never took the time to understand. I knew what it meant before we got married. I also made him tell me why he was so involved. This has helped our relationship tremendously. It is hard being a firefighter's wife, but if you truely understand and both of you are honest with each other, things will work out.
Comment by Susie Young on May 27, 2008 at 12:05pm
Part 2
He can't make up his mind. He goes back and forth playing head games until you think that your head will explode.He tells you its all over,It wasn't anything she was just there ! Where was I ? I thought I was there.! Who was the guy next to me in bed getting his cake and eating it too ? You then ask yourself all of the questions. Am I pretty enough ? OK yes there are a bunch of guys always hitting on you ,including all the fireman at the station before they find out your married to the captain.Am I too fat ? Well no size 7 is not too fat. What did I do ? Well nothing ladies it is not you . The men that we are with are just the wandering lost in lust and thinking the other side is greener. They know it isn't but they need to test the water. Sadley they then jump in with both feet.They know they are thinking with their anatomy and not the brain that is located above their shoulders but for some reason they can't stop.You really love them so you let it happen for a while not wanting to believe they would do this to you. Mine well he moved in with a fellow firefighter and would show up nightly to "pick up stuff he needed". This went on for 3 days straight. He is now really pissing me off.The third night I told him to get what he needed (all that he needed). I didn't want to hear from him again that week cause it was really just ripping me apart. Day 4 he calls and lo and behold he needs more stuff.I could not stand to have him tear my heart out again.I packed a car load of his stuff and drove over to where he was staying and unloaded it to the front lawn. Some of it was placed nicely and some not so nicely. The girlfriends car was in the driveway! As I was driving home I really liked how that felt, The not so nicely part !! I got home and loaded the car again and drove back over to the house again and not so nicely I unloaded again all of it scattered everywhere. The first load was gone so now he needed to get to work again and pick all of that stuff that he seem to need . In my mind I justified making the mess cause her car was parked in the driveway and because we had just slept together the night before when he showed up unannounced. I was an idiot and now pissed off even more. I had just loaded the car with the last load and my cell phone rang. On the phone was a dear friend that was a deputy sheriff.
He asked me what I was doing (he was laughing) . I told him .He was laughing pretty hard by the time I had finished telling him.He told me that they were very behind in their sector on calls and that my husband kept calling them.He asked me if this was something that I felt that I Really (really) needed to do ? I thought for a minute ...For you No. I couldn't keep making him talk to9 such a whinner.I told him I was only giving him what he asked for .Now he didn't need to make any more trips.
Comment by Rescuefrog on May 26, 2008 at 1:20am
(2003)I had one he and I both are firefighter's though at different stations. For 5 months he was cheating with a volunteer there (still together) (half paid half Voly) she won out oh well he cheats on her quite a bit . So yeah Karma will get them back. Oh by the way she tried to tell she is a good Christian woman.
Comment by Erin T. on May 23, 2008 at 1:34pm
That's the truth. plain and simple english. Gotta tell it like it is. I had fallen for a ff from Fountain hills fd a and things were ok until........ You guessed it.

The ex girlfriend. I had just gotten done assisting with an auto accident down the street and was jazzed about the call. (both of us being ff's ) I started getting fewer and fewer responses to my emails never mind that I had given him my phone number 1000''s of times.
"Are you and I okay" I asked out of the blue.
He replied that the ex girlfriend came back into the picture and asked if she could come back. She was getti;ng his attention. I flattened him and said. I will not be the other womean. It's her or me. It's that simple.
The thing is, he wasn't able to hide from me being that I am also a firefighter myself and an emt.

God Bless you and keep it real.

Erin Tarver

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