The Social Network & Community JUST for Firefighters
Firefighter and Divorce
Why firefighters get divorced .
We are just like everyone else. We get divorced over money, infidelity, insecurity, lack of romance, married to young, "I'm tired of being your mother" and all the other reasons people in other careers get divorced. But here are some added reasons.
#1. Jealiousy- It can be very hard when your spouse hates their job and the people they work with. They hate to get up and go to work while you happily bounce off to do the job you love and get paid for doing it. Ever heard "All you do at work is goof off with your buddies" Or " I don't want to hear anything else about the firehouse that's all you talk about".
#2. They fell in love with that guy/gal that's willing to help anyone in need "He'd give you the shirt off his back" . The problem with folks like us is not that we are willing to give the shirts off our back . The real problem is "There's always somebody ready to take it".
This quality they so fell in love with suddenly starts cutting in to their time. Ever heard " Can't you let someone else help them for once". I know you volunteers have heard this before when the pagers goes off the second time in the middle of the night and you go. ( you wanted to go the first time but you didn't want to start a fight).
#3. You are part of a family that they can't fully be a part of or understand. Your friends are all firefighters. So when you do get together you always talk about fire stuff. Ever heard " Can't you guys talk about anything else, don't you get enough of that at work" And if your spouse does make an effort to join in the conversation they are quickly repulsed by they subject matter. I know you have heard " How can you laugh about that, that discusting"
#4. In a marriage where someone is less than happy, being gone 24hours at a time leaves to much time on their hands. When the cats away....
#5. You work to much. You might think your wife is shouting from the roof tops how proud she is of her brave husband that works all day and night at the fire department and then goes to his second job on his days off and works another 40 hours a week. In reality you are complained about t her friends. You are always gone. You are always tired. And you are always at work and not helping enough around the house and with the kids. You heartless bastards lol
These are just a few reasons but I wanted some opinions. Do you agree or not? I have plenty more and maybe a few solutions.
Sincerly yours, Mr. looking for my future exwife :o{)
Add a Comment
-
Comment by bryan russell on September 4, 2008 at 9:23pm
-
We have all had very similar experiences with spouses and girlfriends. I had a girlfriend I had planned on marrying cheat on me while I was at work. Now I have a wife (different girl) who says she may as well be a single mom because of my schedule.
For those of you that are still single you should check out my website I made free for all firefighters.
There are plenty of people who love and respect what we do. Check it out.
-
Comment by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on September 3, 2008 at 2:12pm
-
One (firefighting) should not suck the life out of the other (relationship).
I disagree that a partner has to be involved to better understand.
Well, my wife is a bookkeeper. I don't have to know about bookkeeping to know when she's had a bad day.
My day job is as a risk manager and she doesn't have the first clue, but yet, knows when I've had a bad day.
I was active on a volunteer fire department for 22 years; she was not. She knew what I taught her about it. She participated in the social gigs because she wanted to; not because she had to. I never encouraged nor discouraged her. I let her choose her level of participation.
Despite my many years of involvement and numerous schools and other functions, I never neglected my wife and her interests. I think we call it "balance".
Where "understanding" comes into play is when you have to leave the kids ballgame, during dinner, school function, family gathering, or any number of events to respond to a call. Partners can "learn" to understand. If they don't, then the relationship will most likely strain.
I have been married for 32 years and involved in the fire service for 28 years. And I just started a run at a seat on the county board.
And my wife is right there with me.
I guess I've been lucky.
TCSS.
Art
-
Comment by ~Belmont Beauty~ on September 3, 2008 at 1:08pm
-
O.K.from another perspective, a person I knew recently - divorced after a long term marriage...and purposely did not want to talk to me about his wonderful firefighting job(which I was very interested in ) and it was like he did not want to bother me with it. When in fact, I was entirely intune and attracted, to his giving -serving poistion in the department. It was like he had this complex I would either only like him for his job or that I would also complain about his job later when it took him away from our date nites. I am not sure. But I did admire him so much. So, I straightened him out ;) . What a shame , after reading all above, that you have this problem with your spouses/relations.You are no different than many other marriages in different fields of work.
I do sympathize and believe this field of expertise needs a spouse who is on the same level of appreciation for serving others. As cliche as it sounds, this person I knew became more attractive to me for his job - as it showed me his heart character and love for the job.
I am in a lesser degree of emergency work(seasonal-during holidays) and I recall those days my ex spouse always complained to me :"why are you so giving, why are you working so much , why are you so nice to others?"
Go figure!
Hey this was a good subject , and I wish you all the best out there who serve !
you are appreciated!From sunny So. Cal. Beach side - ~Belmont Beauty~
-
Comment by Becca on May 10, 2008 at 6:35pm
-
I am glad to hear that others are willing to tell the truth. I too got i married to a man I meet in the fire service and we spent 16 yrs together until he decided to get out and I was not willing to do the same. I am happy with the FD and teaching, my boys understand also that I have a important job and they think it is very cool mom is a FF.
-
Comment by lloyd on February 2, 2008 at 7:38pm
-
my advice is not to give up on finding someone that will understand. my wife now, jumps up at any hour of nite, and hits the maps. we cover 100 sq. miles of gated community and have 640 miles of paved road along with 8000 structures. our non involved fire houses give some basic directions, but i can always cout on my wife and the cell to do a better job. she willingly comes along with when we are out during the day and i get paged. and she is aalways there for our social things. there are some good ones out there. keep the faith
-
Comment by Niki on February 2, 2008 at 4:19pm
-
What you wrote is so true. My ex got me started in this field, and then got mad because I love the job. Funny how my children understand better than he did and still do. My girls know what to expect when that pager goes off no matter what holiday, day or hour. They know MOM has a job to do. I believe that is why I quit trying to date, some people just don't understand.
-
Comment by Chasefire on January 28, 2008 at 9:08am
-
Thanks for writting lloyd, Funny how they forget all the holidays we are there for . If you work 24 on and 48 off, we have a 1 in 3 chance of being home the entire day on holidays. One of my top 10 reasons I love my job, I am usally the only dad at my childrens school field trips. And That leads me to my first bit of advice to any firefighter looking at a divorce. Find an attorney that has worked with firefighters in the past. ( I have a feeling you won't have to look far to find one through your coworkers). #1 You don't want to spend $180/hr + explaining the kellyday system to an attorney. #2 opposing attorneys love to try to make our work schedule out as hurtful to our children. A good attorney that has experience working with firefighters can not only blow holesin that theory but can point out how we can be more active in our childrens life than 40hr a week folks. ( when my kids come home sick from school I'm there to pick them up. NOT a babysitter. Well gotta go. I'm meeting my daughter at school for lunch :) Thanks again
-
-
I'm on my second marriage of 18 yrs and still on my honeymoon. It was my ex that got me interested in the fire dept. to begin with and all was fine til she realized that some of my calls might interfer with what she had planned. Like Christmas eve, at a theater with 6 cub scouts, etc. Go figure, it's the nature of the job!
-
-
I admire your cynicism.
Hope you find "Mrs. Right".
-
Comment by Jessica on January 27, 2008 at 12:45pm
-
yes ive done the same to my hubby, even though im in the dept. too, but then again hes done the same to me about staying home. SO its not just the wives its the hubby's too.
© 2024 Created by Firefighter Nation WebChief.
Powered by
You need to be a member of My Firefighter Nation to add comments!
Join My Firefighter Nation