Ok, this is my first time writing a blog here... I would like to write this just to keep my journal for the end of the special year, 2007.
2007 was the most devastating year to me in my life. When I joined this website, I was married, but about two months later, I became widowed suddenly. Since then I have been struggling with my life, it has been a little over three months, but I feel like I lef myself as well at the time when he went home, and I still have not figured out who I am yet. I laugh, I smile, I talk, I argue, I am alive but feel emptiness...
When my husband was found unconscious and transported to the hospital, all the people came to the hospital to support me, I was grateful to be a member of this FD. I did not have to be alone.
What makes me sad is...after he died, nothing has changed in the world but around me. Everyone got back in their lives, having fun, laughing, spending great time with their family on holidays..., just it keeps going on. Yes, I know it is natural, but to me as a widow, it is very hard to see...why me? why do I have to go through this at this young... I could not understand and never will.
My husband, Mike was a great guy, sweet, extremely smart, funny, lovely guy, handsome, caring...he was nearly perfect except dying so early. He was the guy who influenced most on my life ever. We met each other in Japan, and I came to US to become his wife, he always encouraged me for everything I tried to do. He supported me to go through EMT school, being a volunter FF for a year, then working for this FD.
Now he is gone, I am still here in US by myself with no family, although the reason why I was here is gone...I feel very strange, very weired. But I am here because I love this job, I am here because I want to work with my FD family...that is why I am here.
It is sad to send the year 2007 off, because the year when Mike was alive is now gone, and never come back.
Well, I guess that is enough for now. I hope to find a new hope, strength and the reason to live during next year.
Wishing all of you the best and the safe new year....