Been with Ashley River now Since Sept. 26 and I had not really been enjoying myself. I didn't know anyone and none of them really talked to me much. Last nights meeting was different then the rest. I was finally feeling a little more comfortable and speaking up in the groups and talking. I am kinda shy when I get around people I don't know. I thoroughly enjoyed myself last night. I don't know how to explain it but I just finally feel like I am settling in with these guys and they know I am willing to work hard and learn whatever I need to to keep myself safe and them. I have never heard so much backstabbing in my life though. I kinda stand off to the side and observe and listen to them talk about the other ff that are not there. Makes me wonder what they are saying about me when I am not around. One guy in particular has kinda taken my hand and helped me out. When I was a firefighter in NC, my ex was on the same dept. with me so I always had someone to help me out until I got comfortable. I am doing this completely solo now and it is harder than I thought. My fiancee does not like me doing this but he is supporting me 100%. Anyway, I am just babbling so I am gonna go clean my dirty engine in my car. Later all.