So what is the funniest thing you have ever said to dispatch or heard over the radio? 


"The roads are slicker than goose snot" (neighboring station, this still has a rolling)


"Standy by for clear code or you can pick one" (my station, I could not find our code book)


So what have you done to make dispatch laugh, shake their heads, and go "Really?"

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I love those kind of directions. In my neck of the woods, we know exactly where they are talking about.... hehehe
One of our neighboring departments had a young new Chief who was giving the old timers a hard time over there scene size up reports. So at one fire an old timer arrived with "Engine 2 on scene, reports big fire with many flames". On another fire he arrived with "Engine 2 onscene, we got a hell of a fire send me everything you got". Needless to say the new Chief got the point & left the old timers alone from then on. True Story.
Once upon a time when I worked for county EMS: After many transfers out of county we would announce as we re-entered our county, "County, Medic 1 is back in the hood."
Almost 20 years ago when I was a dispatcher, a tow truck called to say that a vehicle he had on his roll back was on fire. He had picked it up from the scene of a car fire. I guess the original crew didn't get it out all the way. Anyways, the tow truck driver said, "I'm driving down the road. If you tell me the directions to the nearest station, I'll bring it to them."

I gave him directions and called the station to let them know. After several minutes of hearing nothing on the radio, I got on the radio and asked, "Engine 9 has your fire arrived yet?" I had people calling me from just about every station asking what in the world was going on.

Years ago, I also heard of one of our ambulance service dispatchers that had to compose himself to dispatch a rather unusual call. It took him three tries to dispatch to an "elderly patient who has his testicles caught in a shower chair."

Seems it was a chair with a webbing seat. The patient sat on it and the webbing expanded. His, um, "junk" dropped through the gap. When he tried to stand, it was like one of those toy Chinese Finger Torture/Traps.
In my response area, we have two roads that are called Big Bone Road and Beaver Lick Road...well when they call command or command answers it is usually the road that gets dropped so all you hear is "Big Bone Command or Beaver Lick Command" gets a chuckle every time we have an incident on one of those roads.

Also had one of our older volunteers arrive on scene and simply say "it's a big one"...
Makes you wonder who picked the names for these roads... hehehe
hehehe.... Wonder what dispatchers think at the end of the day.
Reminds me of the young man who had to call 911 because he got his penis stuck in his zipper....
Heard another department Chief get on location, and ask for a tanker for extra water, "we have round bales galore".

I almost wrecked my truck!
I named a local wildfire we had the red booger fire after booger mnt.
A couple of years ago, had a neighboring station arrive on scene, and this is what we heard... "Command to dispatch, send me 31, 38, 17... send me everybody!!!"

After an early morning 10-50, one of my good buddies gets on the radio and, still half asleep I assume, says "Rescue 17 to dispatch, mission complete, enroute back to base".

Had another stations captain get on scene and say "we got a structure, we got a fire, we got a structure fire".

Cracks me up every time.
How'd ya get the beans over the franks?

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