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Permalink Reply by Captain Chaos on June 30, 2008 at 8:10pm

It's obvious by your post/questions that you really don't know that much about what your boyfriend does at work.

Since most of your questions have been answered, I'll address the Strike Team stuff. I see that you're in California, so I'll assume your boyfriend is too. In my Department, when you are sent on a Strike Team Assignment, you many times have no choice on whether you go or not. "Immediate Need" Strike Teams require you to be on your way within 5 minutes. If you are lucky, you sometimes get a couple of hours warning before you are sent. I'm assuming also that he is a Paid Full Time Firefighter, right? We get paid portal to portal, meaning that from the time you leave your Base until you return home you're on the clock. I know of one local FD that gets double time for the entire time they are on their Strike Team Assignment.

The Type 3 Engine assigned to my Station is on a Strike Team right now in No. Cal. and has been there for nine days. They will more than likely be there for 14 days. You can make quite a bit of money on an assignment like that. My wife wants me to go on them whenever I can. Lots of guys live to go on Strike Teams and I would bet your boyfriend is one of them.

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Permalink Reply by lang on June 30, 2008 at 9:10pm

one of the reason's we are the way we are at the station is it helps us get our mind off of the bad calls that we go on it helps us deal with it. in my time in the fire service fire fighters and ems workers will go all there careers with out talking to a shrink and theres a lot of stuff that gets bottled up inside that will just sit there and eat away at us. i'm a second generation fire fighter and i think my dad has more time at the fire house on holidays then i have alive. cuz as far back as i can rember while i've been home on christmas my dad was aloud to go in late but he had to have his pager with him. i don't think i've had a thanksgiving dinner with him its all part of the job you can either learn to live with it or get out while you still can. i'm still in my gung-ho phase of being a firefighter but my dad has taught me that there will be other calls and what not. when you belong to a volunteer dept you don't know who's gonna show up and have many you'll have on any particular call. i've been in the postion of leaving the station with me and a driver its not a good feeling going out the door with 2 people on the truck. i hope this helps good luck

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Permalink Reply by AFD on June 30, 2008 at 9:22pm

Steph Hi :)
im Anthony ..Let me try to help .... OK
Others have the same Issue's as you do
Sad feelings emtionally abandon is what happens
its Ok , to a point.. your human.
let him be and he will love you more
sounds stupid but its true he's just being himself.
little rude and selfish yes, but he will come around.
we All Female and Males go through this ...
remember you took your EMS job Freely... Free Will,your own Choosen
like he took his job Helping Others... aka your Brother and Sister's .... the Human Race :)
as per the Strike Team Stuff..... it is the rush :)
that he and others firefighters have .. meaning
Five Fire Engines ( Brush or Structure Fire Engines)
and One Battalion Chief travel to help people in thier home City or Town.
The greetings ( Meaning Compassion of Love , Thank You's Saying of, God Bless You Firefighters and people cook food for us and giving us cola's drinks or water. )

Steph Listen... its is Morally & Eithically wrong to be in gage in any physical Contact ( Sexually )
We firefighters or ems or Law Enforcement officers can be put in jail or Fine or both if arrested and found Guilty. plus thoses dumbies give the fire - ems -law enforcement service an bad name.
im sure you dont have to worry about that.
we Firefighters get this type of attention when we help people and other actknowledge differently by writing letters of thanks . in California Strike Teams are the Thing we need help we ask and get help, from other fire departments as far as San Diego in Southern California up to Northern California and other States in our United States. i hope i have help you and others . if not then im sorry.
if you like to chat some more send me an Messege OK i will get back with you .
take care ..
Be Well Stay Fit and Cute.
and God Bless Ya ...Anthony

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Permalink Reply by Chrissy on June 30, 2008 at 10:10pm

Hi Steph,
I am a female volunteer firefighter in NY and I have had a boyfriend ask me to stop going to the firehouse, I resented him for this, I am a 3rd generation firefighter it is in my blood a 15 year member. I grew up at the firehouse with my Grandfather and my dad. I didn't think it was fair for him to ask me to give it up. He knew I was a firefighter when he met me so when he told me I had to stop it was like World War 2 had started. I became very distant from him and I carried my pager constantly, hoping to get a call I felt resentment. Its almost like when you were a child and your parents told you not to do something and you would find every way possible to do it just to see if they would find out or see what you could get away with. Or when your parents told you you couldnt see somebody because they didnt like them you found every way possible to see that person or hang out with that person. The more they told you no they only pushed you closer to that person because you felt resentment. And thats how this was the more he told me not to go I felt the more I had to do it anyway. Then when he started going on calls with me I felt like he was checking up on me. Then when I was busy on the call and trying to do my job as a firefighter he would expect me to come over to him and hang out with him, I really started to resent him for that I felt like he didn't trust me. The minute the pager went off I made sure to go, and it made him very mad. Finally it got to the point where I felt like I was on a time schedule with him, after drills, after calls he would expect me to pick up the phone and say I am done with the drill now I am heading to the staion to clean up. or I am done with the call I am going to the station to sign in. And if I didn't call him within 15 minutes he was calling the firehouse or calling my cell phone. I started to not answer my cell or when the phone rang at the firehouse I told them if it was for me tell the person I wasnt there. I finally had enough and told him I WAS NOT quitting the fire service, and it eventually broke us up. But like I said earlier he KNEW I was involved in the fire service before he met me. He told me I had my priorities messed up, I have been doing this for 15 years so no I didnt have my priorites messed up he needed to realize once it is in your blood it is hard to get out. And when he told me I had to quit I was hurt, he was trying to take something away from me I loved to do. OR to put it another way he was taking away my second family, because thats what the fire service is your Brothers & and Sisters. Your home away from home. There is some special bonds that is formed within people at the firestation. SO it just doesnt happen with females being married to male firefighters. It also happens when female firefighters are with males not involved within the fire service. I hope I have maybe put things into a different perspective for you. If you would like to chat sometime feel free to send me a message. Good luck!! Keep smiling and stay safe.

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Permalink Reply by roy yoder on June 30, 2008 at 11:38pm

be careful what you wish for. i have been married for 23 years and was fighting fire when we met. there has been times that she wanted me to quit when i was vol. but i really don't think she would have liked me when she would have forced me out of what i am. and that is a very serious posistion with me as i really belive that you are really blessed when you find a line of work that you love. the vol. time that i did has changed to a paid job and now she has a regular pay check and i run the other business for extra and paying off cancer treatment for her. don't find a body you like and try and change the person inside, you will never like it and it won't work. i really belive that getting married is terminal (till death do you part)and if you date and choose with this in mind things will last longer and the pick will be easy to get along with. love is a choice, choose to love

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Permalink Reply by Captain Chaos on June 30, 2008 at 11:58pm

What??? I don't get it!

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Permalink Reply by Chris Owens on July 1, 2008 at 12:25am

well said...i hope you pay attention to this one, because it's true. be happy that he is getting paid to hang with the guys and then spends time with you for three days!!! don't push him away, but do tell him you truly enjoy the effort that he puts into your relationship away from the station. let him know that you respect what he does and that you want to make the most of your time when together. and yes, he does see the station as his own time. also, so what if there is too much testosterone....there aren't enough men around anymore, be happy you have one and that he's not some metro-sexual or whatever that crap is. good luck.

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Permalink Reply by Rescuefrog on July 1, 2008 at 12:32am

Good advice from everyone here with a few mixed views. But you will get that anywhere. I have been a FF for over 3 1/2 yrs and I also carry my pager 24/7. I respond to everything that I can except when I have my granddaughters or of course at work and can't leave.

As far as the guys acting different us girls do too. It is a family at the dept and we understand each other on a different level than anyone else because of who we are and what we do. You need to talk to him but don't ask him to give up his dreams. This will only lead to you both being miserable.

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Permalink Reply by Holly Clements on July 1, 2008 at 7:57am

Hey Steph,
Job related relationships are really tough to maintain especially in the fire service. I work for a full time paid department and after 10 years on the job fell for my LT. I immediately transferred out so that the rumor mill would have less fodder to spread about and now 10 years later we have been happily married and still going strong. After working in an all male environment for 20 years I have a fairly good handle on how the male mind works. Guys like the chase. Once they have you then they look for different things to challange them. You are doing the right thing by stopping the phone calls, now you should not be available to answer the phone when he calls. Don't wait around waiting foe him, go out and have a life. Go out with friends, movies, shopping. Anything but waiting at the door like a doormat. Let him wonder and worry a bit. If he doesn't then it may be time to move on.

Good luck and be safe - Holly

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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on July 31, 2008 at 9:20pm

ok so the last two guys i've been with our firefighters and i am too. You have to get used to them puttin the fire dept ahead of you and yes sometimes its frustrating and you want to throw the stupid pager at there head but shoot i'll be the first person to admit that if theres a fire or my dept needs help im out the door. As for the phone stuff let him call when he has time, most paid departments theres not alot of down time for him to be on the phone number two hes at work hes not getting paid to be on the phone all day. and yeah they act different at the fire dept because being all lovey dovey at the fire dept is not the place or the time for it you leave that stufff at the door the second you walk in the door your there to do a job not be all about the person your in a relationship with. Its important to them and you knew this getting into the relationship. its not something new they just decided to fill you in on.

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Permalink Reply by Brittany on July 31, 2008 at 10:38pm

i don't know if this will help out much but im a firefighter and i've been around it and a lot of my family is in it and what not they all have pagers on them at all time and i know they are always waiting for calls to come and they go no matter what they are doing or what time it is i've known them to live there job to go on calls but it is a very stressful for a relationship but if its what he loves to do im not sure theres much you could ask him to do i know theres nothing like the rush you get when you get the call and about the station i have no idea they are guys and guys are just guys and im not sure but it is his jobs and those are his brothers/sisters and its part of your family and they are here to serve there community and thats there duty and not all the time is he free to call he it maybe a a very busy day or night and he don't have time to call or he has other things to do at that station just talk to him about it

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Permalink Reply by Mufnmx on August 1, 2008 at 7:51am

Dear Steph: I can sympathize with what you are feeling, but you need to understand that he is also committed to his career. I have been in the fire/ems service for 26 years now, and my husband was a firefighter for almost 30. There are many times during our relationship that work came first. (He was 100% volunteer). there were missed dinners, holidays, special occassions, etc. but I also knew that the firehouse was extremely important to him. One time I was listening to the radio while he was on a call right after a hugh fight because I didn't want to be home by myself again and heard that a firefighter was trapped in the building. At that point I realized how much I really loved him because I knew that I might never see him again. About 15 minutes later I heard his voice on radio and was really happy. I made myself a promise never to get upset when he leaves to go on a call, because he may never come back and I don't want my last memory of us together to be of us fighting. Yes you will get mad sometimes but try to understand that it is difficult for him to get a free minute to call you. My best advice is to try to talk to him. As for what really goes on at the firehouse, believe me not much. Most of the time the guys are cleaning the house, truck or they are making sure all the apparatus actually works. Yes they do sit and play from time to time and there is a lot of testerone. But most of the time it is basically harmless. The questions you need to ask yourself is: Do you trust your guy? If the answer is yes then trust yourself and sit back and relax. If you dont trust him then you need to make a break and date someone who works 9-5 mon thru fri a nice safe office job that has easy access to phones.

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