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It's good to hear that you are doing better.
I know that you want to help others; that's pretty clear.
You can't do that by sacrificing your own good health.
In twenty two years of running with a fire department and many of those high speed MVAs on the interstate that we respond to, I have seen just about everything twisted and sick that you can imagine. After the first couple, I no longer would question anything that I did at the scene; either as a firefighter or when I was chief. Filling your head with questions and self doubt is the quickest way to cause you to "freeze" next time. Don't let it happen. You will gain experience and confidence with every run. You will grow stronger, physically and mentally. You will not lose your compassion, simply because you won't let it affect you emotionally. What you are doing is processing it differently than other things that aren't as shocking to your senses.
And if you stay in for many years, you will come out with your mind intact.
You'll do fine. You'll make your family, friends and community proud.
And you can always email me for a chat.
TCSS.
Art