FirefighterNation.com Members,

Listen carefully! We are a group of individuals who represent a small but grammatically correct faction. At this time we have one of your fellow members and bloggers in our possession. Her member name is FASNYtraining, but many of you know her as the FNG(irl). She is currently safe and unharmed but if you want her to see the light of day and her computer keyboard again, you must follow our instructions to the letter.

Here are our demands:
You will leave a large sum of money in a brown paper bag next to the dumpster. You will visit the following website and make a donation in any denomination (don’t get cheap on us now) on her fundraising page for the half marathon she is running for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society: http://www.active.com/donate/tntnyvt/tntnyvtMShea1

The ransom will be paid in small, unmarked bills so they can’t be traced. Once you have made a donation, you may post a comment here to advise us of your actions. Until the requisite funds have been raised, the FNG(irl) will remain held in hiding. She is unable to e-mail, post, comment or otherwise communicate (and it’s KILLING her).

Any deviation from these instructions will result in the immediate execution of her computer. (That’s right, we used the word EXECUTION!) No more “FNG(irl)” blog posts, no more “TNT: The Accidental Runner” posts, no updates on her antics in Firefighter Boot Camp, no more… you get the picture. The individuals watching over your fellow member are a group of bilingual illiterates (they can’t read or write in two different languages) who failed 9th grade English 3 times. (9 x 3 = 23, carry the 4, to the nth degree – Oh screw it. We’re not good at
math either.)

Therefore, we do not particularly like Little Miss Grammarpants and we strongly advise you not to provoke us. Speaking to anyone about this situation, such as Web Chief, or anyone else on her, albeit limited, friends list will result in her loss of other privileges while in captivity.

We’ll start by withholding her coffee. If we catch you talking to a stray dog, we’ll take away her chewing gum. If you alert the blogging authorities, her almighty expensive Mizuno sneakers will be tossed off the Dunn Memorial Bridge into the Hudson River.

If the donations are in any way determined to be slow in forthcoming, or insufficient, we’ll tighten her gag so that she can’t talk or eat BBQ. Follow our instructions and you stand a better than average chance of getting her back. (Are you sure you want her? OMG: She never shuts UP.)

You, as Firefighternation.com members, are under our constant watch. Don't start trying to be brave or grow a brain now. We
can not be out-smarted.

Now, it is up to you FirefighterNation Members!
Do the right thing.

The F.O.G.I.E.S.

P.S. – The reward for helping to achieve her fundraising goal will come to you two-fold, in the form of blogs. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.


FOR THOSE OF YOU JUST GETTING TO READ THIS DISCUSSION NOW.

Update 6/18/08

The fundraising is completed. The marathon has been run. Mel did awesome in the marathon and exceeded fund raising expectations. Thanks to all of you who have donated.