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Dating a firefighter/EMT
Hello everyone. I am new here and am NOT a firefighter or EMT at all but have recently started dating one. I have questions and concerns I am hoping those here can and are willing to assist me with.
He is wonderful. Of course look at what he does for a living. What I am realizing however is that the job ALWAYS comes first. So my concerns are as follows...he can go for a day or 2 even 3 without talking to me at all then we get together and it seems like everything is great so is it safe for me to assume that this job is that demanding of his time? We have talked about it and it seems that way. He is always at the firehouse and I know the members are a family unit away from home so to speak. We can be texting back and forth fine then he dissapears for hours at a time and only replies when I happen to send him a text asking if all is well. I have asked him to just kindly text me or give me a call after he has to run like that to let me know he is OK and he can't seem to do that.
Can anyone help me understand the struggles I am looking at by being with a firefighter?
He is wonderful. Of course look at what he does for a living. What I am realizing however is that the job ALWAYS comes first. So my concerns are as follows...he can go for a day or 2 even 3 without talking to me at all then we get together and it seems like everything is great so is it safe for me to assume that this job is that demanding of his time? We have talked about it and it seems that way. He is always at the firehouse and I know the members are a family unit away from home so to speak. We can be texting back and forth fine then he dissapears for hours at a time and only replies when I happen to send him a text asking if all is well. I have asked him to just kindly text me or give me a call after he has to run like that to let me know he is OK and he can't seem to do that.
Can anyone help me understand the struggles I am looking at by being with a firefighter?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Matthew Jones on
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Im not trying to be mean here or nothing but I broke up with my last girlfriend because of the constant pressure she put on me with all of the calling and texting. She was always wanting to know what I was doing and why I wasnt texting her back. She would get mad when I quit texting her then send something that made me mad, usually something like "well I guess you just dont want to talk to me now". I have been on fire scenes and 18 wheeler wrecks for over ten hours before. Sometimes we just cant talk and other times we might run out of the station and jump on the truck with our cell phones still sitting on the table or couch. I have also seen things that I have lost alot of sleep over and have needed some time to myself to think. Being a Firefighter can be very stressful at times but with a little time and space it gets better. I dont know about the 2 or 3 days deal. I never went 2 or 3 days without talking to her, but if he is doing all that you say he is with the Fire Department and Police then he might be that busy. If he is like me he is going to want his space. I hope this dont make you mad or anything i am just telling you this from my personal experience.
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Permalink Reply by laurel tessier on
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Hi there, Have you ever considered becoming more involved? My Boyfriend and I are both ff/emts. If you don't want to become a member you can become involved in other ways. We have a great group of folks who bring food, coffee etc to big calls. We are ALWAYS!! thrilled to see them and the goodies they bring. Something else might be to get a scanner or radio for your house and car-that way you can monitor calls and know what is going on. I think it is great you clearly care, be patient I grew up in a firefighting family, we hope we are worth the patience. Be safe
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Permalink Reply by josh on
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wel in my case my soon to be wife had areal hard time with it at first but she got over it in time and now she is shoving me out the door every third day in a loving mannor of course but she does stuff with her girlfriends that night and i took away the scanner at first because she would listen and call and text as soon as she heard us going out on a call but it all faded with time but i rambeled enough if you wish to talk more let me know
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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I appreciate the advice. I am concerned that getting too involved this soon may be taken as needy or clingy. I will put thought into it and see where we are in another month or 2 then possibly.
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This is very helpful, thank you. I really enjoy everyone's advice and opinions but especially the men. I get a better understanding of their views and feelings about the women in their lives and hope his can only be similar.
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I understand and thanks to your comment and some advice from another male friend I have cut way back and only text him the usual good morning and goodnight texts now and leave the rest to him. Over time I will get a better feeling as to where he and we stand. Hey worst case scenario, he isn't as into me and then I find someone else to care for and give my heart to. Thanks!
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Your welcome Heather. You sound like a very nice girl and somebody worth being with because you are taking the time to try to understand things about him. And yeah just give him a little space and im pretty sure everything will be fine if he really likes you.
Take care girl and I hope everything works out for you
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Permalink Reply by Mendes on
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i am a female firefighter and i can tell you that sometimes you are on a call and cant answer because of what u are doing and as a cop the same is true would you expect him to answer when a crimal has a gun pointed at him. my best friend is a male cop and his wife is a dispatcher she goes through the same thing but she knows when he is in danger so just relax its part of the job i mean i go days with out talking to anyone between my sleep my night shift job at a local hospital and school i am always busy and i get really upset when someone text me a 1000 times in 2 hours what might help is calling and leaveinga voice mail it lets him know u are thinking about him and lets him feel close to you when you are a part my ex boyfriend did that for me and it helped him feel better and me feel better
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I look forward to the poem. Thank you for the advice. I know what my heart tells me...it has been telling me that I am falling for him and hard. I have 2 kids from a marriage that is ending, legally seperated, and he is hesitant to meet them yet and I understand that because I don't want them to meet him just yet as I know they will get attached and then he might decide being with a single mom isn't all that fun and take off.
I will just continue to try and take this a day at a time. See where it leads me. He seems very sincere when we are together and repeats quite a bit how much he missed me.
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Yes, I am trying to understand this life. I do enjoy being with him when that happens...lol. I decided to back way off and let him have the ball...it's in his court now. He can contact me when he is available. He is very busy workig a paid EMT job, volunteering at 2 firehouses, and now all the police training and stuff coming up.
Lordy Lou what did I get myself into? LOL!!!! He is inspiring and dedicated and those are very admirable qualities.
I wish you all the very best in your lives both in and out of the firehouse. Keep it all up...this country would be nowhere without each and every one of you.
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Oh I must ask...what was the downfall of that relationship? If you were both doing things to help make each other feel better about the relationship what went wrong? I only ask so I don't make similar mistakes if you don't mind. If so I understand the desire for privacy.
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i have a bad temper and he moved away so a combination of the two. we are now best friends
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