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Dating a firefighter/EMT
Hello everyone. I am new here and am NOT a firefighter or EMT at all but have recently started dating one. I have questions and concerns I am hoping those here can and are willing to assist me with.
He is wonderful. Of course look at what he does for a living. What I am realizing however is that the job ALWAYS comes first. So my concerns are as follows...he can go for a day or 2 even 3 without talking to me at all then we get together and it seems like everything is great so is it safe for me to assume that this job is that demanding of his time? We have talked about it and it seems that way. He is always at the firehouse and I know the members are a family unit away from home so to speak. We can be texting back and forth fine then he dissapears for hours at a time and only replies when I happen to send him a text asking if all is well. I have asked him to just kindly text me or give me a call after he has to run like that to let me know he is OK and he can't seem to do that.
Can anyone help me understand the struggles I am looking at by being with a firefighter?
He is wonderful. Of course look at what he does for a living. What I am realizing however is that the job ALWAYS comes first. So my concerns are as follows...he can go for a day or 2 even 3 without talking to me at all then we get together and it seems like everything is great so is it safe for me to assume that this job is that demanding of his time? We have talked about it and it seems that way. He is always at the firehouse and I know the members are a family unit away from home so to speak. We can be texting back and forth fine then he dissapears for hours at a time and only replies when I happen to send him a text asking if all is well. I have asked him to just kindly text me or give me a call after he has to run like that to let me know he is OK and he can't seem to do that.
Can anyone help me understand the struggles I am looking at by being with a firefighter?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Engineco913 on
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I can't offer any words of wisdom at all. It takes a special person to be with a firefighter. A lot of trust, a lot of good faith, and a lot of patience is all that is really needed. We as firefighters have a important and dangerous job, and being so we all "come down" off the fireground in differing ways. Some people can snap right back into the groove while others take a little longer to wind down. Be patient and don't be afraid to ask questions and take part in his life. Don't assume things are wrong if you don't get a text back, he's most likely busy. You can't hear the phone, or feel it vibrate when on a call, and sometimes it takes a call or text later to realize you have messages waiting. Be well and stay safe.
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Permalink Reply by Heather on
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That was very helpful...thank you. I appreciate your time to reply and offer advice.
I guess I will really have my hands full in a couple months when he is finished with his police training and adds police officer to his resume'. Oh and then there is also former Marine on that resume' too. I am very proud of him and admire him a great deal as a person and appreciate all he does for mankind as a whole.
Hell...I feel that way about all of you...THANK YOU for what you do all day everyday. This country would be nowhere without you.
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Permalink Reply by Greg Pierce on
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You have hard questions to give a definitive answer to in your specific case. I dont know him, personally, so a definitive answer is out of the question. Could it be that demanding? It sure can. Fire calls can sometimes last for hours, larger incidents can go days. You need to know that he is involved in a brotherhood where comaraderie has built friendships and bonds with people whose lives will at sometime depend on him, and his life will at sometime depend on them when it comes time to fight the fire and come home safe. The best advice I can give you is to not feel threatened or jealous of these bonds of friendship he has, but try to be a part of them. You may end up with many more good friends for life.
"Funny thing about firefighters.....day or night, they are always firefighters"
Conversation between jailed arsonist and the fire marshall, "Backdraft", 1991
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Permalink Reply by lutan1 on
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Whilst the job can be incredibly demanding on time and family, he must also remember that there are two in this relationship.
There needs to be some very clear boundaries set along with agreed expectations of each other.
On the flip side, I have no idea what his previous relationships have been like or how long ago, but it could merely be a total change of mindset for him, ie: not realising what's involved in a relationship, and the "caring for each other" and keeping them informed.
As others have said, there is no right or wrong answer for your problems....
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Once he becomes a police officer things will quiet down a little for you. Most police unions forbid a probie officer to be involved with a fire department until their probationary period is done. In the cases where the contract doesn't have this stipulation I feel you will find he will not have the time or energy for the fd much for the first 6 months until he gets used to the hours. (when hes hired he will be grave shift)
If it is meant to be, it will happen. I agree with Lutan it takes sacrifice by both partners to make the relationship work.
Get him to join this site. I think he will find a lot of interest in what the daily occurances are here. Be well. Stay safe. Tell your boyfriend I said Semper Fi!
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Permalink Reply by TexasFire on
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All I can tell you is that when I'm at work and the tones drop my wife keeps on texting and calling, but I guess that after the 250th text message she realizes that I'm on a call. Wifes, girlfriends, husbands or boyfriends, have to understand that this is not your everyday job, we are not sitting at a desk or behind a counter and we can answer right away. When we are working we have our hands full and for courtesy we can't get on the phone when we are with patients or places that we just responded to. Hope this help some. Is not easy to date a Firefigher.
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Permalink Reply by Patrick Twohig on
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As firesiren said, family first, then the fire house. You will get over the fascination of him being a fire fighter , then you will start see the real him and wonder if he was worth your time. No matter how busy I am, and during the summer, grass fire season, we are extremly busy, I still find time to contact my wife and let her know that me and my crew are alright. If anything significant happens, she then takes the time to call my guys wifes and let them know we are alright. Sounds to me like he's making excuses!
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Permalink Reply by Allen Wahlstrom on
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Have to agree with Siren on this one...
Ask him...if I was into someone, there was no way Id go 2-3 days without calling, then just show up. That becomes a relationship of convienence for him.
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Permalink Reply by Sandy113 on
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what i can tell you is that some stations are just that buisy- but at my station(where we are lucky to get a call a day on the fire side) we have guys/girls coming up to the station to get away from their significant others and ignore phone calls and texts and when they finally do answer back they say they were out on alot of runs. so it could go either way. but just know that if he does come back from a job, i can promise you if you give him the 21 question game about where he was and why he didn't call it's only going to make him want to leave you-not saying you do that.
good luck!
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Permalink Reply by Rescuefrog on
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I have to agree with Siren and Allen. If he was that interested he would not go 2-3 days and not call. Using the dept is no excuse. I am also a Vol FF and have dated a FT FF as well. Although we were with 2 different depts, we made time for a late evening text or call on his 24hr day.
It could also be he is testing the relationship and seeing if you can handle his being a FF, not everyone can. Sit down with him and ask. If it's not the answer your looking for, then maybe you need to say goodbye to him.
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I want to thank you all for your replies. I certainly have some food for thought here in this matter. He does stya very busy with 2 firehouses and a regular job and classes so maybe I am just getting worried over nothing but then again maybe those are excuses.
I will address this all with him and see where WE stand.
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Permalink Reply by Mary langdale on
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I go through the same thing as a ff/emt wife. He works 24 sometimes 48 hour shifts and it is so hard to deal sometimes. It still causes friction with us at times but that is what supports our family. I worry from the time he leaves till the time i see him walk through the door. The biggest thing is trust that he is doing his job in the safest way possible and his family away from home is doing their job guarding his back. I still have nights where i cant sleep and wait on him to come home. After two years of being with him, I still havent adjusted quite well. Trust and faith is all i can give in advice and know his goal is to come home.
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