Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 5, 2011 at 5:05pm

Hey Maria - welcome... Looks like Tom beat me to the punch and welcomed you first. So I hear you are seasoned vet to this BRC so tell us where ya been and what you have been up to in your missing in action time.

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 5, 2011 at 5:12pm

So I have been thinking about the Single life lately.

More and more it seems of our generation is becoming less interested in being married. Either not getting married at all, or once getting divorced swearing off getting married again, or delaying getting married again for a long time.

I am wondering what is going on with this phenomenem?

Are we getting too busy with trying to earn a living?

Are we getting less tolerant of crap in our partner relationships?

Have we lost the taboo of being single and learned we can get a lot of the same benefits in a partner relationship without making the relationshp permanent?

Have we replaced the intimacy of marriage with other things and other people? (certainly for me, my friends have become my closest most intimate companions)

I would be interested to hear all of your thoughts on this matter !!!

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 6, 2011 at 2:38pm

JAMIE JAMIE JAMIE WELCOME !!! Did you meet all my friends above and those in the main chat in the Back Room Crew - they are fun rowdy group... and they encourage my naughtiness - LOL - what I meant was the put up with my naugtiness - hee hee

I don't know about being the only single group - since lots of fun singles still wander through the other group - but hopefully this will give us some other fun.

Come join the fun!!!

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 7, 2011 at 5:01pm

LOL - Heather (would) B.eeee... Switzerland... if thatcountry would have me..


You did not miss anything - Chief Mike and Dee got married - AND ADOPTED ME :)

because I needed adopting...


maybe next week I will be... Lady Heather B Naughty ;-)

or Lady Heather B Naughty by Nature... LOL

if others can have nickname avatar names - then so can I ;-)

Permalink Reply by Aaron Mandel on April 10, 2011 at 9:21am

I think that people are more detemined to follow there own dreams. This leads to couples realizing that there going in different directions or not being willing to follow the others dreams. In the 50's women were tought to not have dreams except for there husbands and to be good little wifes. Now that as a socity we have grown up from that bull crap we realize that marrige isn't one making choices and the other blindly following but to seprate entities coming to a consensues. Sadily the new me generation is to wraped up in what they want they never looks at the others needs. This leads to divorce and people staying single so they don't have to compromise and can always have it there way.

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 15, 2011 at 3:31pm

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS INFO I FOUND..

I was wandering through in interesting book recently, and saw a few interesting points which I thought my be well-shared in this setting... about ideas on improving partner relationships.

Building new relationships should be fun... so think of it like a treasure hunt!

Since some of us date our job or our school - and we spend ALL OF OUR TIME building our academics and careers instead of building social face-to-face relationships.

The book written by Dr. Henry Cloud - "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping"

Here are a few things that I found interesting... some way outside of my norm... but certainly gives pause to patterns in ourlives.

1) Change your traffic pattern - going the same places at the same times all the time - just gets you seeing the same people all the time... and if those people are not partner opions... mix it up... try each new place at least 5-10 times

new friends - churches - malls - parties - organizations - activity clubs - cultural activities - events around your town - parades - fairs - and accept all social invites: birthday partie, weddings, concerts, sporting events

2) Start a new group or activity to get together - join a group activity, like co-ed volleyball

3) Throw parties at your house - or get a few friends together and throw a joint party - try a potluck party (everyone brings a dish) - or cooking party (everyone brings the items to cook a dish together at the party)

4) Tell your friends you are looking to socialize more - ask them to invite you to more events with them - ask them to introdue you to any their other single friends

5) Get over the stigma and join a relationship service - let them do half the work of hunting - but remember they only do 1/2 he work - you NEED to do at leas 1/2 the work.

6) Set aside at least 3 hours per week to GO OUT to new places - the new people in your life will rarely knock on your bedroom door and say "here I am"

7) Meet 5 new potential partners per week - new people to you; they have enough information about you to be interested; interaction long enough to ask for contact info (even email is good to start)

this is about YOU getting others INTERESTED in you... so you need to be willing to open up... an be ready to offer your phone number and email... and ask for their's "to continue visiting further at another time"

new people + interest + ability to follow-through = a date

8) Log your efforts - keep track of when and where you are going; the number of new people you are seeing that you would like to interact with;

9) Get a friend to report to, weekly share your efforts and get suggestions

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 16, 2011 at 2:26am

There are lots of great guys out there - we just have to find them...

Don't run away sister, time to move into the next chapter and change up your game and give it another shot. The reward of a good relationship is worth it. I think we build good relationships, not find them. We just need to find a good partner to help build !!!

I think this relates to changing traffic patterns too - I think I learned I do better when I pick the man instead of them picking me. Lots of men who pick me want a mama - they see that I am successful and organized and accomplished and then they think they get to slack while I take care of them - LOL.

I on the other hand tend to pick work-aholic men - who are not around enough for me - so I have to be careful and choose men who are balanced and attentive to me.

Life has gotten so busy - and electronically detached it seems.

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 21, 2011 at 10:25pm

I like attentive men and hard-working men. But so often hard-working men can turn into work-aholics.

Several of my friends call themselves Married Single Parents - because their husbands are gone so much of the time - that they are not around enough to be attentive husbands and fathers.

And I would not want to be a man this day in age, it is a lot of weight on their shoulders to be good protectors and providers in a tough economy.

And with the relational/familial work roles being so heavy and even shifting for women to focus more time in the work-force and men to focus more time on the home-front - I think we can all feel as though we are not adequate at everything (or even anything).

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 21, 2011 at 10:27pm

I am extremely nurturing. So I understand what you are saying.

I have to be very careful to rein myself in and not try to be the mom in the relationship. I think it can be just as much the woman's contribution as the guys which creates that dynamic.

Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on April 21, 2011 at 10:32pm

So what does everyone think about this long-distance relationship issue? Dating, family, friends ???

My family lives a long way away - so lots of day-to-day important things we do not connect on which is sad and hard.

I feel like long-distance relationships take more money to maintain... but maybe this is an illusion... hmmm... instead of daily amounts of money - it is collective amounts of money... hmmm...

Several of my best friends also live a long distance away now that I have moved a few times - it seems like as I age I get better at maintaining relationships - but I really wish I could re-connect with some that I have lost touch with over the decades.

Permalink Reply by Janelle Musick on April 21, 2011 at 10:41pm

Hello all! How is everyone doing tonight???

Permalink Reply by Janelle Musick on April 21, 2011 at 10:44pm

I just reconnected with a best friend from high school that I had not talked to in 5 yrs and out of no where I got an IM from him and I wish we wouldve had the guts to tell each other everything we have over the past few days back then... i think a lot of things would have been different. It is just one of those shoulda coulda woulda things thu cuz he is now married.

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