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A Question For Firefighters With Children
I'm about to become a mother to twins, and these are my first children. Are there any suggestions on how to juggle being a parent and being in the fire service? Also how do i show my significant other that its the one thing i do for me, he wants me to hang up my helmet to be a mother and be there for him. sorry if my question makes no sense, I seem to be having a hard time putting things into words today!
Thank you for any help!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Foley&son on
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welll in my words kids are the center of your life . think of them before you think of your self ! if some thing were to happen to you ,who would take care of them ? your family or what? you need team work,trust , love and
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.... kids are not cheap@!They are the best thing in the world !I have two 8yr boy and 11yr old little evil person { girl}i love them more then life it self!good luck we are here for you . !!!!
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Permalink Reply by Robert Rutherdale on
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Hi Ashley, first off, I can only relate to you what I have seen and experienced, I would never try to tell another fire fighter how they should live their lives. There is no doubt that being a volunteer fire fighter is very rewarding and enjoyable. It is also very demanding not only on the ff but also on the ff's family. When you have kids it does make a difference in your life. It does not mean that you have to give up on firefighting, but you yourself will find that you will have to make changes. Having kids is going to be the most amazing part of your life ever, you will love it, but you might not enjoy every moment of it. I would recomend that you talk to your spouse and tell him how you feel about firefighting, and share your fears and concerns of what lies before you as this huge change comes into your lives. Sometimes our spouses do not hear what we say first time, especially guys, I can say that I am one. BUt be patient and continue to confide in him and share with him, he will understand eventually. YOu take your time and make your decisions together as the days go by. Make sure you know your departments policies relating to your situation. Just remember having kids will give you less freedom to serve as a volunteer, but it does not mean it has to end. I have served with many mom firefighters and yes they can still serve their commnity well, when they have time, being a mom will actually give you a new view to serving the community that other firefighters will not understand. Just make sure you talk to your spouse and keep the communication open, it is so important when working as a firefighter, it is even more important in the home. We all have to balance our lives as volunteers, just take your time you will figure it out.
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Permalink Reply by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on
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Ashley - wow twins - that is a going to be a lot of work.
FIRST - trust your gut ! If it tells you pull back, then honor that - if it tells you push forward, honor that ! ONLY You know You !
Now your partner has justified fears and will need a lot of patience and support from you. Firefighting is one of the most dangerous jobs in the world - your partner's opinions on this matter MUST be taken into serious consideration. That being said, many partners fears will subdue after they have had you home with them for a while and they see that the kids are stable and healthy and the partner can loosen some of their grip as their worries subside.
Get your family behind you to help with whatever you need - to help with the kids and the many new appointments - that will help with a lot of guilt and stress. Get a group of family and friends that can be in place to watch the kids and be on call at a momen't notice. Often the wives of firefighters have an internal network of providing babysitting support day and night. Several stay-at-home firefighter wives were on my speed dial and would let me drop my kids off day or night enroute to a fire. And I was really close to my next door neighbors so I could have them come over in a pinch, if the kids were sleeping or something.
It is OK to take some time to yourself and your new family. There were people covering the town for centuries before you and there will be more after you, it is OK to take some time for your family without shame or guilt of abandoning your post. It makes you a better more stable firefighter to be able to adjust your focus and priorities as needed to be a balanced human being.
Sometimes new parents take a leave of absence and are completely missing from the department for 6 months - 3+ years; some sit at home and just listen to the radio; some only come to business meetings; some shift the time and work with the auxilliary while they are on their leave; some only come to medical calls or auto accidents or local calls - there are lots of variations. There is also gradient options - when you transition back in - you can go slow and ramp up as you gain strength and build your support system.
Trust your gut instinct and find your balance + ASK YOUR DOCTOR if you are breast-feeding your doctor may have some significant restrictions on sucking smoke and other harmful chemicals which fire fighters inadvertantly encounter, so unless you are going to wear an SCBA 100% of the time you are on scene - consider what enters your body and how it impacts.
Official leave lets the whole department know not to expect you and gives you a clear head to focus on your family. Probably, shut off your radio and just enjoy the motherhood ride. You also need to conserve your strength and energy for them and not be distracted by stressful events around your town.
YOUR department should support whatever you want and follow your lead - BUT - they may also have some standards about what they expect in order to reduce the liability of your getting hurt right after giving birth, so you need to ask them too.
There is a time and season for everything - and maybe this season is family - and another season in the future will be for the fire service. The reason you are having trouble putting this into words is that there is no black/white or right/wrong answer to your situation - you are needing to shift time, energy and resources to address new priorities - this is a constant part of life - what is right for another may not be right for you. If you decide to take a break and feel like that does not work it is OK to make a change and go back; if you go back and it doesn't feel right, again, it is OK to make a change and take more time off. Feel it out. May your brothers and sisters be supportive!
FAMILY FIRST... no one ever dies saying I wish I went to one more fire or one more accident... they say I wish I spent one more day with my family !!!
I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR PARTNER - BE GOOD TO YOURSELVES - AND RAISE UP THE NEXT GENERATION OF FIREFIGHTERS ;-)
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"Little Evil Person" LOLOL so your 11 year old tries to run your house, aye?
LOL I laugh because I've raised a few little evil people and totally understand that feeling LOL
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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Firestone on
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First of all CONGRATS! I am a mom of 3 little girls and it's not always easy. I took a few years off after they were born as all 3 are about a year apart and my husband is in the Navy. Since he could not really take the time off to raise them I made the choice for time away. He was not to happy when I said I was going back but I really did not give him much of a choice as...like you....it is the only thing I do for myself. It took sometime but he has come around to dealing with it. The great part is I have the support of my brother firefighters.....if hubby can't be home for training one of the wives will come over to babysit or one of the guys will bring there older daughter to training to watch my girls and another brothers son. I wish you luck and stick to your guns I know 1 st hand the frustration you feel!
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Permalink Reply by kara-lee allen on
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my daughter is 2 (and a bit). i am a single parent. i only went on "leave" cause they made me. lol. chief said when "you cant fit in bunker pants you have to stay home" never happened. when i was pregnant (7.5 months) big grassfire. at the end of it chief said i work too hard and put me on leave. even though i think i coulda still at least run pump.... oh well. working on a policy.as soon as doc ok'd to go back i was back. my service has been really helpful. someone has older kids and when calls come in my girl goes with them. i do not however attend middle of the night calls, or calls during the school week when other kids not around. also i take my girl to all the meetings. it makes me sad to have to stay home but i still help where i can. i bring them food and coffee on long calls i cant attend. but i think staying in the service is a stress reliever. its a nice little time out "mommy time" for me. My daughter now knows what i do and tells everyone " mommy is a firefighter and she going to help ppl" its very cute and rewarding in itself, that she is proud of me even at her young age and never gripes when i go to a call :) and as for significant other... he knew you were a firefighter right? so he signed up for that. dont let him take it away from you, you will grow to resent him for it.
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Permalink Reply by Karr Quintero on
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theres no reason to "hang up your helmet".
you can be a mom,wife,firefighter no prop.
how hard is it for him to watch the kids while you go out on a call?
it's not like you are gonna go do a 48 hour shift, and if he works and you dont, dont you watch the kids?
i watched my boys from day 1 and didnt have a prob, i miss thoses days very much... and i think if your hubby is understanding and a good father he will be fine..CONGRATS ON DA BRATS!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Wilbert Kleijer on
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First of all, congratulations with your twins. Do hope al will be fine with them.
I don't understand what your hubby means with being a mother? Can a mother not be a firefighter? I can understand that for him, being a first time father, is raising the same questions as you will have, becoming a mother. But remember, you will be the best of both worlds: firefighter and responsible mother. If your question means, can I find good shelter for my kids when there is a call......Maybe your department can answer that. In the Netherlands we have fire stations which offers day/night care for kids, when mother respond to calls. Would that solve your problem.
Good luck to you and your children
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Permalink Reply by Ashley Nichole Caschetta on
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Thank you for the In Put... and I guess you could say that things have changed since I wrote the first one... Now the Dad of the babies and I are not together and well ... he said he will be around when he can. So im not really holding my breath on the subject any more. My mom has been really supportive as have the guys on the department! They are truly a blessing! My mom told me not to quit or give up and that she will stand behind me 100% in staying on the department and when my pager goes off for me to go and know that there is someone for the little ones :) Im still trying to wrap my head around being a single Mom, but im sure that I will do just fine! Again thank you all for the support and advice! it was def helpful!!!
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Hi, sorry to hear about your breakup, but glad to hear you handle it well. Stay strong. You have the best family you can wish for: Firemen and firewomen all over the world
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guess he couldnt stand the heat, youll be fine, your a firefighter!
sounds like you got lots of support.
your kids will always be proud of you and no one can change that!!!!
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Yes, I did learn my lesson... STAY AWAY FROM COPS LOL... thats what their daddy is lol
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