FF Funerals

Tomorrow I will be attending the funeral of Elizabeth Fire Department Acting Captain Gary Stephens. This will be my second (unfortunately I doubt it will be my last) time attending a LODD funeral.

I was in a bit of a bad mood (about something unrelated) and was talking to my girlfriend and mentioned I would be attending the funeral. She asked me why, since funerals put me in a bad mood, I would go to another funeral that I didn't have to go. I know I need to go.

My question I suppose is how do I explain to someone outside of the fire service the brotherhood that we all share and why I would feel compelled to go to a funeral of a man I've never met?

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Permalink Reply by Dennis Brown on January 9, 2009 at 7:54am
It is honor in the botherhood of the fire service
Permalink Reply by ff28 on January 9, 2009 at 8:00am
Sacrifice
Thats what the Brotherhood is about. We all sacrifice something, be it when we go to an annoying alarm drop, fatal vehicle accident, or any other call...we sacrifice.
The Brotherhood is a strong bond because we all share in the many sacrifices we make, and understand each other because of this.
Don't feel the need to explain to anyone. They don't understand the sacrifice.
Go to the funeral, and sacrifice for this honorable Brother, for he has sacrificed for you.
Be Safe, RIP Brother Stephens
Permalink Reply by Dale on January 9, 2009 at 8:29am
ask them if they have a brother or sister, then asking them if they would go to the funeral if they died

RIP
Permalink Reply by Tiger Schmittendorf on January 10, 2009 at 11:06pm
This discussion inspired me to write a blog about a similar experience that I linked to this one.

Check it out at: http://tigerschmittendorf.com/2009/01/thats-why/
Permalink Reply by Joe Stoltz on January 11, 2009 at 12:00am
Last year I decided to sign up for our county's honor guard. In our area, when a firefighter dies for whatever reason the family may request the honor guard to attend the calling hours.

The duty requires Class A uniforms, and consists of standing guard on either side of the casket; opening the doors of the funeral home for guests; standing on either side of the entrance hallway, inside or out; and so on.

It impresses the guests and the family is always extremely grateful.

I sometimes wondered why I chose to do this. Recently I found the answer: http://tigerschmittendorf.com/2009/01/thats-why/
Permalink Reply by T.J. on January 14, 2009 at 8:03am
God Bless, this is always hard to hear.
Permalink Reply by Jessie Miller on January 25, 2009 at 5:49am
I think it is difficult to explain to someone who is not in the fire service and the brother/sisterhood that we have. Other than the military, I don't believe there is any other organization in the world like the fire service. You just can't explain it to someone where they can fully understand it. We are all family and it is our duty to look out for our family.

I feel it is important to attend the funerals of other firefighters, even those I have never met, not only to show my respect for them, but also to honor their family. I took on that part of the job just like I took on getting woke up in the middle of the night to respond to emergencies. Looking after our brothers and sisters along with their families is just another part of our duties as firefighters.
Permalink Reply by Beverly on January 25, 2009 at 10:46am
Adam, Perhaps her question has more to do with her fear of death and loss than of not understanding the brotherhood. Many people avoid discussing death and its causes and effects, this is especially true outside of the emergency services. We see and experience death on a regular basis (unfortunately), where most people have this happen only a few times in their lives. Everyone has a different way of coping with death, our often irreverent outlook on death allows us to cope with the overwhelming toll that we are frequently asked to pay, and those outside our "circle" have a hard time understanding.
If she is willing to listen, talk to her about how losing a fellow firefighter makes you feel. Has she ever gone to a funeral for the relative of a friend? Then that may help her understand, you don't necessarily have to know the deceased but you know a family member ( and we are all one family).
Hope this helped.
Permalink Reply by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on January 25, 2009 at 11:36am
I think that people not familiar with the fire service kind of freak out because of the solemn ceremony that occurs at a firefighter funeral or a cop's funeral for that matter.
Think about it; you won't see a thousand plumbers gathered in their best cover-alls, you won't see electricians or carpenters or sanitary workers or teachers assemble en masse to say good bye.
You will only see it in public safety.
And in my mind; the general public doesn't HAVE to understand it. Just don't question or denigrate it.
TCSS.
Art
Permalink Reply by Tiger Schmittendorf on January 25, 2009 at 9:05pm
I agree Art -

There are not many other professions who use the term brotherhood to describe their relationship with their co-workers.

And I share the same frustration when those who don't understand - use their energy to be disrespectful to our solemn traditions but won't put forth the energy to gain an understanding, let alone become a part of our traditions.

Stay safe. Train often.
Permalink Reply by alan on January 25, 2009 at 9:21pm
explain to her that things like this happen everyday, and that the brotherhood of the fire service is much like being among the best friends you make in grade school and keep the rest of your life. then talk to her, and try to get her to go, so that she can watch and get a basic feel as to what the brotherhood is all about. or show her some forums on here and explain to her that even though most of us will never meet, we are all related in the brotherhood of the fire service. be safe, and remember... 2 in, 2 out
Permalink Reply by Glen Garland on January 25, 2009 at 9:23pm
We as a fire sevice pay our respects to our fallen brothers and sisters because it's the right thing to do period! The circumstances of the death don't matter at that time. Be it LODD, heroic or otherwise, cardiac, off duty...it doesn't matter! We are also there for the family of the fallen. The support and repect means more to the survivors than we ever know. I have heard from family members long after the ceremony is over about how much the FD support and respect paid during the time of grief meant to them...it really will bring a tear to a glass eye.

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