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Protecting My Children?!
Let me get straight to the point. My ex wife remarried a local attorney a few months after our divorce. A few months after they were married she found out he had been cheating on her during their entire relationship and she took our 2 children and left him. He continued to try to contact my kids thru email, texts and sending messages to them thru children that they went to school with. I contacted our local police, DHS, Child Protective Services, My attorney, and finally I wrote a letter to the Oklahoma Bar Association in which they responded to me stating "they did not feel it was an issue".
Well I saw him one day at the store (on duty) while we were getting groceries. I waited until he was alone at the back of the store and went up to him and stated In a quiet tone "Stay away from my kids" or I will hurt you. and walked away. He replied "I havent done anything"! and I stated " Then we dont have a problem". It took 5 seconds and no one heard us. Needless to say he wrote a letter to The Chief and Mayor and he has a friend in City Legal Dept. In his letter he had a lot of other accusations that were false. This guy is 48 years old never married with no kids. This alone set up red flags for me. Needless to say The administration demoted me from captain to driver for a year (about a 12k pay cut) My question is, I have the authority to protect every body in my city except my children? I did not embarrass my crew, my department or my city, the man was a threat to my children and their safety I was at the end of my rope and handled it the best way I could. Let me also state our administration does not consistantly show a difference between on duty or off duty behavior. They said I showed Conduct un becoming an officer ..... and Company Officers are held to a higher standard ...... I Think if the guy was an Auto Body Repairman nothing would have happened. We have no formal written rules or policies other than the 2 they got me with which are very broad to say the least. Please give me some advice or past history on incidents like these. Thanks for your input!
Well I saw him one day at the store (on duty) while we were getting groceries. I waited until he was alone at the back of the store and went up to him and stated In a quiet tone "Stay away from my kids" or I will hurt you. and walked away. He replied "I havent done anything"! and I stated " Then we dont have a problem". It took 5 seconds and no one heard us. Needless to say he wrote a letter to The Chief and Mayor and he has a friend in City Legal Dept. In his letter he had a lot of other accusations that were false. This guy is 48 years old never married with no kids. This alone set up red flags for me. Needless to say The administration demoted me from captain to driver for a year (about a 12k pay cut) My question is, I have the authority to protect every body in my city except my children? I did not embarrass my crew, my department or my city, the man was a threat to my children and their safety I was at the end of my rope and handled it the best way I could. Let me also state our administration does not consistantly show a difference between on duty or off duty behavior. They said I showed Conduct un becoming an officer ..... and Company Officers are held to a higher standard ...... I Think if the guy was an Auto Body Repairman nothing would have happened. We have no formal written rules or policies other than the 2 they got me with which are very broad to say the least. Please give me some advice or past history on incidents like these. Thanks for your input!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by The Outlaw Firefighter on
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Darrell....
I dont want to come off as being a jerk but you should have not said to him that you would hurt him. Knowing the type of job he had and the pull in the legal system. He knows the in's and out's. He knows what is crossing the line. I would have done the same thing however i would have not did it while I was on duty. You should have had a witness to what you said to him. That could have helped you 100% Im going thru a divorce myself right now. I dont have any kids but My Girlfriend does. Her soon to be EX is a bigtime jerk! I know I want to say alot of things to him about how he treats her and his children.
My advice is talk to you officers at work and see what they tell you. Explain to them the entire incident. As far as him contacting the kids. DOCUMENT everything!! That is what is important. What ever you can keep on him to pile the crap up on him.. That will hurt him in the ling run. Dont contact him. It will only make things worse. Trust me, Ive been there!
Send me a message if you want to talk more!
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Permalink Reply by Darrell on
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I didnt say I was going to Beat him up, Whip his Ass or Kill Him I said Hurt him! Leagally Hurt Him, Finacially Hurt Him , Emotionally Hurt Him ! There was a Wittness Him! He wrote exactly what I said in his letter. Also I stated our department has not shownANY difference in On or OFF duty. The rule is vague so they can use it at their discretion.
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Permalink Reply by Greenman on
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Unfortunately saying you'll "hurt him" is a very broad statement and can be taken either the way you say you meant it (legally, financial, emotionally), or it can be taken to mean physical harm. The fact that you were on duty when you did it deffinately puts you on the wrong side of things though, you were a city official on-duty and presumably wearing a uniform. I hate to say it, but you probably got off easy from the city by only being demoted for a year and not fired. Even off duty, you need to be extremely careful not to threaten anyone with physical harm.
What Outlaw FF said is spot on, when it comes to this guy trying to contact your kids, you need to document EVERYTHING. Make sure your kids know to tell you everytime he sends them a message, or is at the school, or any other contact. Speak with an attorney and get some legal advice for your state about what you can do and know when he has crossed the line...legally, not just morally...so you can get his a$$ nailed by the police and have him dis-barred, or locked up if he's a predator.
Know any cops? get their advice and a little help. Is this guy leaking any probable cause he isn't aware of? An LEO as a buddy could probably tell you.
Bottom line is don't give the SOB any way to use the system to against you, you're not helping your children, or anyone else's children by doing that.
Godd Luck, Brother.
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Permalink Reply by lutan1 on
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What investigation did the department do? Or they simply took his word and demoted you? That to me is the bigger issue to look at.
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Permalink Reply by turk182 on
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I think if you would have talked to him when you were off duty that he would not have thought about sening the letter. I know it is easy for us to say this because we are not in your situation but you should have waited.
And as far as you telling him you'll hurt him that is a generalised threat and he could take it any way he seen fit. what you could have told him was to stay away from your kids and do not attempt to contact them again or you will get your lawyer and the police involved. I am not a lawyer but if he is contacting them after he was told not to couldn't that be considered stalking.
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Permalink Reply by Engineco913 on
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You saying you will hurt someone is subject to the listeners interpretation. Like everything else in the world, threats are considered serious business. Trust me if I were in your shoes I would have had an issue with self restraint. The City is right when they say it was unbecoming of an officer. You should feel lucky instead of wronged, because threats today can carry a prison sentence and you only took a 1 year demotion. Remember this one tidbit for future reference. Never work harder to achieve a goal, (making threats) work smarter. (restraining order)
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I could not get a restraining order I tried! He stayed right on the line but didnt cross it. Also How is it my threat to him is more serious than his threat to my 2 kids? I could see the conduct unbecoming if I yelled and screamed ... I didn't. No one knew anything was said but he and I in the store and it took 5 seconds.
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They did a small investigation, they didnt have to do too much I told them the truth. They did contact my ex wife which I felt was crossing the line. They talked to her about it before they contacted me.
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I showed all of my documentation to the administration. My atorneys advice to me after I tried everything else was "Tell the SOB to leave your kids alone." In hind sight I should have had my atty write him a letter. I still dont think the admin should have demoted me for this . What happened to counselingfirst then reprimand then fine then demotion then firing?
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