I was reading comments on the discussion "What motivates you?" So many people wrote things that I can say are part of the reason I am a firefighter. There are so many reasons but I think the biggest one, the one that keeps gnawing at me is that I don't know how not to be a firefighter.

When I was little, I watched my uncle go to calls & I wanted to go with him. As I grew older, I became more involved with the fire department in any way I could. My closest friends were involved with the fire department. When I married my husband 30 yrs ago, he wasn't a firefighter but he joined a couple of years later. I was at a dinner @ the fire station when my father passed away. We had a lot of support from all of the members from taking care of my daughter, to taking care of me when I needed it.

After I joined as a member myself I worked with the Jrs - they were my cousin, my brothers, my sister & many of their friends and classmates. I had to learn more about being a fire fighter to teach them. We learned a lot of it together.

The computer age hit & there were more fire fighters to connect with. I found all kinds of groups of firefighters & EMS, Terrorism, emergency management, on & on . . . I have met some great people. Some I've never seen face to face & others I have had the pleasure of meeting again & again.

I have always been very involved in the fire department from having been the secretary for 14 years to being the Safety Officer, Incident Stress Management, EMS. . . whatever firefighters do, I did. Sometimes over & over again. They wanted a safety officer, so I took every safety class I could find including some OSHA classes & in building construction, high angle & confined space rescue, hazardous materials, officer classes, farm and heavy equipment rescue/extrication, tactical operations. . .
I'm still learning everything I can. If we have a specific problem, I do research, read standards, find everything I can on the subject so I can be informed myself and so I can pass that information on to others to help them make better decissions.

Training with your own department is great and going to fire schools is even better. You have fun, work hard, learn, tease each other and help each other learn what it takes to be a firefighter. There are people to encourage you when you don't think you can do it and others who need a bit of encouragement. There is always someone interesting to talk to. FFs speak the same language. FFs are of the same breed. Putting on a Level A suit & sweating until you are half dehydrated can be fun. Even blowing things up and cutting up cars is fun in training. FF training teaches you how to help people who need help and stay safe while you are doing it. It teaches you how to be a team member and gives you a sense of accomplishment. It is a lot more serious when the real thing happens but we know what to do because we've done it before.

The first time I went to the National Fire Academy I was scared to death. I was going to be away from home, making a 400 mile trip alone, but I knew I would be fine because I would be in a large group of fire fighters from all over the country. That is some intense training and fun as well. You can go into town with a group or hanging out in the Command Post sharing war stories, shooting pool, throwing darts & singing karaoke.

Over the years I have met some great people that I respect and admire both career firefighters & volunteers in Ohio and West Virginia and other places as well.

My baby sister died very suddenly, very unexpectedly. She was 28 yrs old. She had given up being a member herself concentrating on raising her family. Her husband is a fire fighter who joined our department not long after they married. The funeral procession was over a mile long. I didn't really expect all those fire trucks or fire fighters in dress uniform but it was amazing to see. There were fire fighters from all over the county and from other places; all there because we respect each other as brothers & sisters. It was a very humbling experience for me, knowing that those people are my people. A little over 18 mos later, my mother passed away. More friends were there to support us. My sister (the normal one who isn't a firefighter or EMT & isn't married to a fire fighter or EMT) was in awe that so many of our people were there, in their uniforms. There was a fire truck @ the end of that procession as well. Five years later, someone looked at me the other day at the fire station and said "I miss your mom." I miss her too.

Mom was my rock. She always supported me in everything I did but especially in the FD. She supported all of us. She encouraged me to go to training sessions. She helped me by taking care of my kids so I could be more involved, be a better firefighter. There was something going on within the FD at one point. She and my Aunt called me over to the house, handed me a cup of coffee & told me to sit down. They both told me that what ever was going on had to be fixed. When I told them I couldn't fix it, they both told me that I was the ring leader. What ever I decided to do, the others (my brothers, sister, cousin & other FFs) would follow. I don't remember now what that was about but I must have done something at the time or there would have been a catastrophy, at least according to them; and I do remember those. My mom called me a renegade. I'm not sure she was right about that but I wanted to be a firefighter as long as I can remember and I finally made it when I was in my mid 20s. Until the last 10 yrs or so, around here at least, female firefighters were few and far between. Many joined and many left. Sometimes being the only woman in the fire station is a challenge. My mom once told me that I hung around with the men too long because I sometimes acted like one of them. I'm sure she meant that in a positive way :) and I think she meant that I acted like a firefighter.

After losing two family members in less than two years, I had a rough time for a while. I didn't have the energy to go to work every day, take care of my family, go to meetings, go to training, serve on committees, run calls & start all over again. I tried to give up being a firefighter. My husband was still an active member, although his health isn't exactly the best after he had a stroke in 2001 and he stopped actively fighting fire. He is a fantastic pump operator & scene support. After 28 years, he is a lifetime member. We stopped running calls. I took a leave of absence. But every time I heard the tones drop, I worried about the others. Would my not being there make a difference? Did they need water or hot drinks? Would any one remember to do this or that? Would they have enough people to get the equipment back in service when half of them had to go to work? What if . . . ? It drove me crazy!

I felt like I was missing something in my life.

People in the community would ask me how things were going at the fire department. Members of the department would call me for information or this or that. I wanted to help with fundraisers & events. I missed being a firefighter. My hiatus lasted a little over a year. I have a lot of blood, sweat and tears invested in my fire department, in my family there. I really don't know how to stop being a firefighter.