As i write this I realize I finally have the courage to put aside my uneasiness. My writing on this blog was a thorn in my daughter's side. In her childlike way, she thought millions of people read my blog and she didn't want her life and drug use an open book. However, we all know that writing is a form of therapy so I write away on this dreary NJ day.

I cannot say that the last 4 months of my life have been wonderful, but I can say that I continue to grow as a person and pray that I make the right choices. In December I chose to move fire stations within my department. So, instead of having to drive ten miles round trip to the average call, I get to drive three. I get to go on calls to the airport which I've always wanted to do. Sure, there are only a handful of members with maybe about two-three really active ones like me, but there is also less drama and more time for me to help out with other things.

I have been consumed the last two months with moving from my apartment. I wanted a nicer one than I have now, more in style with a home, until I realized that I have a home that happens to look like an apartment. My oldest son, the police officer to be, said, "Mom, just redecorate." Little does he know that at 18 he has given me words of wisdom that people in their 50s never thought of.

Yesterday I hired a friend to paint some rooms in my apartment. She started with the kitchen. When I got home from work last night, I can't tell you the feelings I had. I looked at the color which happens to be the same as my last kitchen in the home I owned, and I was happy. Yes, happy. I guess the color Hawthorne yellow has magical qualities I never knew existed. Most of the apartment will get painted this weekend, and although I will have to repaint it to blah white when I move, I can enjoy the peace and tranquility of happier days ahead with the splash of color on my walls.

To those of you that never knew my writing, you may think I am insane or moving so far away from the topic of firefighting to be laughable, but to those that have read and understood where I am coming from you can just marvel that I am able to write this without totally cracking up. Leaving my bunker pants by my front door seems to be oddly comforting to me. I left them there one day in mid-December. Since I didn't put up a Christmas tree this year, my gear gives me an oddly good feeling each time I look at it. Maybe the color I choose for the walls will coordinate with the color of my gear...who knows we may have a new trend here. LOL

Realizing this post is really about nothing yet about something makes me figure it's time to end the blogging for the day. Hope you are all good...I can tell you that I am stoked about securing a speaker for our annual FF breakfast in March. One of the boat captains conducting rescues during 911 in NYC is coming to speak and show a film he was in which was narrated by Tom Hanks. I will post the title at some point but don't want to give the surprise away in case any local people are reading.

Today is January 26, 2012. I can see it on the corner of my computer now. And it's a work from home day. Yeah.