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Comment by Randy Sutton on April 19, 2010 at 1:52pm

Congratulation on the new addition Daniele I see where you are comming from but on the other hand, Not saying anything about his dad now, but he might be better off with out knowing him cause you never know he might turn out to being a dead beat dad too

Comment by James L.Hoffman, Jr on November 22, 2009 at 5:20pm

Congrata on the baby. Like Mike said it is a tough situation but from experience please move on. When my wife and i got together her ex only showed that he was the father when it was convenince for him. I adopted her daughter or should i say our daughter in 98 and it was the best thing i've did. My daughter knows her (sperm donor) as she calls him but she calls me dad and and i'm there for her anytime she needs me. Good luck raisng your son. Just remember anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a DADDY

Comment by Michael J Burke on November 21, 2009 at 3:11pm

Congratulations on the baby. This is a tough situation but I think it probaly would be best to move on. it will be his loss for the decision and trying to force it on him probably won't make the situation any better. if your son grows up with a stepdad who loves him and is a good role model than that would be much more beneficial than someone who is just going through the motions. Good luck and god bless you raising a son by yourself.

Comment by JORGE ULLOA on November 19, 2009 at 7:29pm

First of all, congrats!!!!!! on your baby. Second, just an advise, never try to place your son against hiss bio-dad. One never knows the turns in life. Besides speaking bad of him will never solve the problem. If your ex does not want to see the baby just let him go. Some day he will defenetly regret it. But when you refer in a bad way someday something could happend and it will be harder for the kid to understand. If he ever asks you about his dad don´t lie to him but try to be as less detail as possible, that way when your baby grows older if he ever gets to be in contact with his bio-dad he will be able to get his answers and his own conclussions. As I told my dad the day I turned 18.¨ I am glad this Earthquake hit the country, is the first time in 18 years that I have my bio-dad with me¨ And then I feal something for him but he will never be able to expect from me to love him or respect him as a father for he has never been there for me. My mom never allowed us to speak bad about our father. She would only say he is your bio-dad and therefore respect him.

If you ask me, my mom was murdered 8 months ago, she was my mother and father, I have a normal friend relation with my bio-dad. And I defenetly think it is all thanks to my mom. I came to my own conclussions, and I miss my mother. Specially cause although I found out all bad things my dad did to her, she never tried to put me against him, so when he tryed to justify his actions I was capable enough to speak to and not believe all the trash he tryed using.

Just take care of your baby, and if the bio-dad doesn´t show, believe me there is someone in the world waiting for that super oportunity of becoming him.

And forget about bio-dad or step-dad. When the time comes that man will be your baby´s FATHER.

T.C.

BUITRE

Comment by Paul Montpetit on November 19, 2009 at 3:40pm

I think that it is his mistake...someday he will regret it....but he sure does sound like a loser...you need a liscense to get a dog but any old moron can go out and have a child...where is the justice...? Paul

Comment by Steven on November 19, 2009 at 12:43pm

I'm a step-father. My wife and I met at the workplace (yeah yeah, heard it all before) and started dating which lead to a marriage and so forth. She had an infant son at the time (now he's in 4th grade) and she filled me in on the biological father who abused her and her son and had a court order against him limiting visitation and such. When we started dating, she sought some advise from a family counselor who said, basically, to let the child determine who he identifies as "daddy" or whatever. We decided we would answer his questions honestly when they came up, but not volunteer information unless we saw he was puzzled and couldn't figure out how to ask the right questions.

He finally asked about his biological father just a few weeks ago. I haven't adopted him yet (we have to get some logistical issues taken care of, mainly getting into our house) and he happens to have his father's surname as his legal last name. We explained that his "bio-dad" lives far away and hasn't attempted contact for a few years now and why. The kid (I always identify him as my son and he identifies me as dad) shrugged his shoulders and moved on to the next thing. It wasn't a big deal for him.

In time there will be a few issues that might come up. He doesn't have my genetics so he doesn't really look like me, but he picked up a lot of my mannerisms. There are some medical issues that might come up at some point (the bio dad beat him pretty bad, fractured a few bones, etc.) that could come up if he wanted to play sports or had x-rays.

Beyond that, he's my son and that's how he's most comfortable. It was never my decision, it was always his.

Chances are, if the father wants nothing to do with the child or you, it may be better off that way in the long run. If you need financial assistance, you can go after him in the courts. My wife gets $24 a week in a support check, that was up from $22 when they first started coming and it was part of the court order. We kept it low figuring if the bio-dad wanted to fight adoption when I petitioned for it, we could make a case for upping child support. Leverage.

It's tough to do it on your own. I saw how my wife was trying to manage everything when we first met and got to know each other. We were friends before we started dating. If you have a support network behind you, great. If not, seek one out. There are lots of resources you should be able to tap into.

Try to be prepared for anything. Some "men" were never meant to be fathers but they still have offspring. It sucks having to take on the extra responsibility when they drop the ball but it can be done and there are a lot of good men who want to be fathers and aren't hung up on where the child came from.

My wife and I would like to have a second child, we've been trying for a while, but we're happy that we have our son and cherish him every day equally.

Good luck.

Comment by CHIEF NORMAN on November 19, 2009 at 10:03am

Daniele the only advice I can give you is just concentrate to what’s best for you and the baby. I wouldn't worry about if he wants to see the child or not that’s his loss and his decision. Your tunnel vision and up most attention should be toward that child...There is allot of people out there that grow up without a dad or mother, like myself. We call ourselves self taught or have a parent that fills both shoes. And there ant a thing wrong with that...You might want to seek some professional help out there that deals with this kind of stuff, I'm sure there might even be a web sight or Two your can goggle and be able to talk to someone direct or someone your able to turn to for guidance. Understand that most people on here are pretty open minded and see both sides of the fence and there are always two sides to every story...Good luck to you and your new baby...