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Comment by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on February 25, 2010 at 9:32am

Here are 3 common reasons that I find make calls tough and can get you stuck for a while until you can sufficiently process through it:

1) I feel I could / should have done something differently.
2) I feel someone else could / should have done something differently.
3) I feel if I had more knowledge or skill or courage, things would have turned out differently.

>>> If any of these are true, then you learn that lesson and prepare yourself to do something different next time you encounter a similar scene and you help others to do differently next time as well. Take each call as an opportunity to learn and grow. If you are comfortable and confident as to the perfect path on each scene, then you probably are getting arrogant, instead of experiencing constant growth. Discomfort can often mean a point of growth and an increased level of awareness, which can sharpen your skills - and save another life on another day.

Three things that work best for my internal reconciliation of a scene, is to remember:

1) We are trained to make a rapid assessment of the scene and make calculated decisions. There is no perfect answer to many of the decisions that we have to make. We use our best judgment at the time. Our first gut reaction, is usually the best one. We need to learn to trust our natural instincts.

2) If I make a dangerous decision, then I may become just another patient to rescue. Then I am no good to anyone and have put even more of my colleagues at risk. It is OK - to stay alive and make it home to your family at the end of the day as well - that does not mean that you betrayed those you were helping to rescue. Live to fight another day !!!

3) We do the best we can... and that is all we can do. We are not gods with super human powers. We are mere mortals, with human reactions and human feelings. The reason we care is because we are human... and that is why we are good at our jobs. A robot could not provide that necessary element of HEART and COMPASSION !!!

*** I am glad you are doing better and have been integrating the new awareness more effectively.

EVERYONE struggles with this. Many suffer in silence. But as a few of the guys have noted already TALKING it through will help you process it and gain perspective and clarity on how to move forward without being eaten alive by the horrors that we have to see.

You will have many opportunities to help others process through tough calls, and you now have an extra layer of understanding as to the tough thoughts and feelings they are encountering.

Comment by Heather Hubbs on February 25, 2010 at 8:55am

Sorry it it takin me so long to answer and get back to everyone. There is nothing i would have done different I did everything i could have done. I'm doiing alot better thanks to everyone. I'm glad there is a site like this so i can talk to people that do what i do and it is nice when the people i work with are there for me to thank u everyone

Comment by Fabulous Heather Days of Summer on February 22, 2010 at 9:56pm

Hey Heather: Tell us what you would have done differently, if you had to do the scene over?

Comment by jody cochran on February 17, 2010 at 7:46pm

They sure will get to you. Just always remember that evrything goes perfect sometimes and the pt. still dies. Sometimes everything seems like a cluster @#$% and nothing is getting done quick enough, And the pt. survives. After 20 years of it, ambulance, firefighter/Paramedic stuff, There will be lots more sleepless nights at work and at home. The older you get the more it adds up. No one ever talks about it because we are tough but over time it makes you wanna get drunk.lol, Just remember it is not your fault and is out of your control! Good luck with your career and find you a good hobby for your off days.

Comment by cassandra vaughn on February 16, 2010 at 10:36pm

heather, it is definitly hard to deal with. I mean im on a volunteer squad as an emt. Im still a rookie only been on for a few months. But my first day i had three calls. My third call i lost my patient. Its sucks and its hard but never bow out. You have a passion that is clearly visible, some people think we're nuts for doing wat we do. And the scene isnt always a good one. But their all right that we're not programmed we have feelings we just gota learn to work through them and not let it get the best of us.

Comment by Bob on February 16, 2010 at 5:51pm

heather, unfortunately most of us have experienced what you are right now, sometimes it will help to talk with a close freind or someone you trust. you must find the way to get through it. time will heel all wounds but it will take time and everytime you experience an incident as the one you just did it will come back at ya, Good luck I hope this helps. Bob

Comment by Erin T. on February 16, 2010 at 1:15pm

It's okay to cry. It's okay to vent. Let it out and don't hold it in. Remember that you are human. One of my training captains said that we aren't programmed to see things like this and not have some kind of reaction to it. You did the best with what you had.
Don't give up and don't bow out. You trained very hard to get where you are.
Hang in there.

Comment by Heather Hubbs on February 15, 2010 at 5:54am

i want to thank everyone for your comments, i love doing my job and takin care of people. i realized that through all of this that if somethings didnt get to me then i'm not human and i shouldn't be in this job. i have leaned alot sence i have become a emt/ff and i wouldn't change the things that i have learned or have done. i am doing alot better. i think putting the blog up here let me get stuff off my chest and thank u all for listening.

Comment by WestPhilly on February 14, 2010 at 8:43pm

Heather,
The other side of the coin is that this may not be the right job for you. Take care.

Comment by Art "ChiefReason" Goodrich on February 14, 2010 at 10:06am

We train to gain skills that will increase victim survival; not guarantee it.
Many years ago, my first EMT instructor told us "Don't give the patient false hope".
EMTs need to take their own advice.
We do the best we can and hope that it makes a difference.
If it doesn't, we should do a self critique and when we realize that we did nothing wrong, accept the outcome and get ready for the next one.
If you can't move past that point, then you need to get help.
Don't give yourself false hope. Many will live, but some will die. That's the way it is.
Good luck.

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