I am sure many people are wondering why I haven't written a Notes from a Rookie Firefighter column this week.

I was going to quit. Going to the Morris County Training Academy full-time had to be one of the most grueling and demanding things I've done. I was all battered up, frustrated from the heat and distracted from my children and my lack of work. I had a little doubt about having the fortitude to continue. My husband then realized that one day I would be going from a red to a green tag. He said he didn't want me to go into fires and how it wasn't fair that at this stage of my life I wanted to be a firefighter. We have 3 adopted children and no family nearby to help out.

My captain was great...but he did say how important it was for everyone to be well-versed in the equipment and walking into a fire. You just never know with a volunteer department who will show up and who won't. I give our captains alot of credit for dealing with the stress of possible situations without enough volunteers.

I spoke to some of my friends at the firehouse, and they said maybe the full-time class which is meant for college kids and career personnel, was a bit too intense for me. Maybe I would be more comfortable in a nightly class which was the way most volunteers put in their time to Fire Fighter 1. So I made the decision to give it another shot. Hopefully by that time things at home with be more calm and I will feel less anxious. Being a Mom without help around is difficult when you're in school full-time. I had the kids textimg me all day, calling me, asking me things that probably could wait but you know how impatient kids are nowadays.

In the two days that I thought I was quitting were two of the loneliest days of my past few years. It's not because I look at the fire department as a social club. We don't know many people here in Morris County, and the sense of belonging to an organized group that supports its members in so many ways was very hard to say goodbye to. Plus, to be totally honest, I love helping outdoors and knew I would sorely miss that.

I love helping with brush fires, rolling hose, getting tools, and supplementing the firefighters so they can concentrate more on the job at hand which is putting the fire out. I feel everyday in this business is a learning experience and the more I learn, the more comfortable I will feel with equipment and the skills necessary to get the job done.

However, I am an all or nothing person. I don't want to be a pretend firefighter and want to be ready to go in if I need to. Now it's just the endurance I will need, and the faith I get from my friends at Fairchild.

Thanks for reading! And if you're a woman reading this, moving to a new area, in her 40s, looking to volunteer and belong somewhere, try joining your local fire department and meet the challenge of a lifetime.