The Pain from Confusion

The pain grew stronger with him not knowing. As much as she wanted to tell him she could not find the words. She loved him so much. The girl from his past made her feel weary. He never knew how much she agonized over the thought that the girl from his past some how find her way back into his future. Even though she would tell her self that nothing was going on. She would look at the messages and wonder. She always told herself to just trust him and that no matter what they would last. She loves him in a way that no one could ever comprehend. Keeping it a secret was killing her. She wanted to shout it from a roof top. One thing made her hold back was choosing every one knowing or to just let be. All her friends knew. Her mom did not like it but she let it be. Knowing that she was happy and that she could trust him gave her a feeling it would be ok. "I love him even though he is an odd ball" that's what makes him so perfect". All her life she knew he was the one she wanted. They say time can change people. In her case she felt it was a good thing. Even though he changed she didn't doubt him one bit. As much as her friends did she just couldn't listen. As happy as she was knowing that she could call him hers, something told her to hold back. She loved him so much and it seemed like the more she did the further that fell apart. The boy from her past was out for good but he haunted her future. She watched as all her friends hugged and kissed on their boyfriends it was hard enough to deal with that, knowing that she couldn't see hers that often. That just made it all worth the while when she saw him it made it feel better. He always called her at night to tell her he loved her and that he missed her and they would see each other soon. She wanted to believe it at first. But deep inside she knew it probably wouldn't. The only thing that set them apart was age. How could see be so young and him be so old. 4 years, that's all that kept them apart. In all honesty they felt that there was no age difference. How would she handle it? It felt like a bad dream. She loved him and the more that she looked at it the harder it seemed why couldn't they just be happy? Why couldn't anybody see how they felt? Age, is it really a problem or do people just find excuses to label some ones flaws? She wanted an answer. To her it seemed clear, it was a label. She wished that every one could see that. People look at your past and judge you! Is it wrong if some one had a bad past? Does that make them a bad person? If it does then she is one messed up person. Because of his parents the confusion built up. Was it him or her they didn't trust? They don't want to see them together. Why could that be? The only thing she could come up with was that it was her. She wished they could only see the love they shared. If they love, why don't they? If some one were to tell them that they weren't right for each other they would tell them to get lost. She wished it was that easy. But life is messed up and she knows that. She loves him and that's all she needs to know and she will be ok. If she knows that then she will have no doubt in him or the relationship.



By Yours Truly,

Madison Rader