My story begins on the night of September 10th 2001. I was working as a truck driver for a local towing company, it was my night on call and it had been a busy one. Several breakdowns and a couple of heavy duty tows had kept me up most of the night, I finally was able to go home about 0630 on the 11th. I remember the sun was already up, and thinking to myself it was going to be a beautifully clear day, and it seemed a waste that I was going to sleep the day away. I had told the boss that because I had not slept, I was electing to take the day off to catch up. I walked in the door to my parents house about seven am, they were up getting ready to go to work, it was the first few weeks of school for them, and they had a lot going on. I hopped into the shower, cleaned myself up and settled in for a good few hours of well earned rest.

It was about 1100 when I heard our tower ladder calling out on the road for fuel, nothing out of the ordinary. I heard one of the stations chime in something to the effect of "do you know about something we don't?" I found this odd and called the station to find out if one of our neighboring towns had a big fire or something going on. That's when I found out that in the four hours I had been sleeping, the world as I knew it had changed forever. When I called the firehouse Larry Burdett, a close frend of mine (and my mentor), answered. I asked:"Whats up? Montclair have a big fire?" Larry responded "Where are you?" I explained I was home and had taken the day off to catch some sleep. Larry then told me the following: " At about 8:45 this morning, terrorists flew two planes into the World Trade Center, both buildings have subsequently collapsed and thousands are feared dead including many firefighters." My response was "shut the fuck up, you know I'm half asleep, it's not funny to joke about something like that" Larry responded" I wish it was a joke, turn on the TV" All the channels were snow, Larry told me channel 2 still had a signal going out, what I saw next was unreal...maybe even surreal. I told Larry I was getting dressed and I'd be at the house in five minutes.

I arrived at the station to find a crew of six or so guys hanging out waiting to see what was going on. Apparently before I got there two F-16's had flown over our firehouse at a "high rate of speed". You could clearly see the smoke over the mountains from my firehouse, it was 11:20 am. There were rumors of mutual aid and us being dispatched so guys were at the ready to assist, as the day went on our numbers increased to a solid 40 guys.

Before I go any further you need to know a little about my department. We are a small town in one of the most densely populated counties in the State of New Jersey. The town covers two square miles and is situated in a valley spanning the first two mountain ranges due west from New York City. There are many points on the eastern side of town where you can see clearly into the city. We are about 20 minutes from the city by car and about 5 as the crow flies. We operate 5 engines and a truck out of two houses. Our membership at the time of 9/11 was about 70 members, of which 40 would be considered interior firefighters.

I spent the rest of the day at the firehouse, listening to the radio and watching the TV, the Rescue Squad (seperate from the fire department) had been dispatched to Liberty State Park in Jersey City to assist with the operations of a Field Hospital being set up in that location. No patients ever showed up. It was a long and somber day for them. Back at the firehouse we were all sitting around waiting on the word for mutual aid, we knew we would be dispatched, but we did not know when or in what role. At 6:30pm the chief showed up at the firehouse and put out the special alarm report to quarters. The whole department reported to fire headquarters and we were briefed that our county would be sending in a task force at 0600 the next day. We were assigned duty as a truck company, so our tower ladder would need a crew. The available volunteers were sat down and a crew was assembled by seniority. Initially I was not on the crew, I missed it by one member. An hour after the assignments were handed out, the chief called me and advised me I would be on the crew leaving in the morning, someone had backed out and I was now assigned to the detail. He instructed me to prepare for a 24 hour deployment, and to pack a bag. I never left the firehouse, just couldn't bring myself to leave. I was up most of the night checking over my gear and the equipment on the truck. We didn't know what we would be doing once we were in the city, and I'm not normally on the truck. So I was taking the time to "study up" on what was where.

At 0530 the truck fired up, I had my gear in place behind the driver, my bag was in a side compartment. At 0535 our crew of 5 departed for the muster location at Seton Hall, calling out of town, in service on the county task force. We arrived at Seton Hall shortly before 0600, we were one of the last departments to arrive. The task force consisted of 14 engines, 7 trucks and a rescue. Promptly at 0600 our convoy left South Orange with a full escort. We traveled several roadways and as we hit Rt 280, the smoke from Ground Zero was clearly visible in the light of the new day. As we got on the higway it began, people honking, giving us thumbs up, rolling down their window and shouting "God Bless You", and "God Bless America". It didn't stop until we arrived at the quarters of Rescue 5 in Staten Island. It still makes my eyes well up with tears just thinking about it, what can I say... I'm a patriot at heart. It made me feel good to be helping out in some way, and for the first time in my life I really felt like an American.

We were given assignments there at the quarters of Rescue 5...Our assignment was to Ladder 105 in Canarsie, Brooklyn. We arrived at 0730 to find Ladder 105 in quarters ready to respond. The Battalion Chief was there and he put a call into find out a new assignment for us, since we were not needed in Canarsie. The word came in at about 0800 that we were heading to the quarters of Ladder 102 in the Bed-Sty section of Brooklyn, approximately 80 blocks away, or at least that's what I thought I heard the BC say. Before we left I also heard him say to the driver and our officer that it didn't look like we were going to see much action so he was going to take us for a ride, and for the driver to try and keep up. The chief pulled away and I saw first hand what he meant. He was taking us through to the other station at a decent clip (about 50 mph or so). We arrived a short while later, again to find Ladder 102 arriving back in their quarters, with a rather agitated Captain. From what I understand he was not upset that we were there, he was upset they had been pulled from the search at Ground Zero. He said something to the effect that is was stupid they were pulled out if they had mutual aid covering the city.... the BC said something back to him that I didn't hear, and the captain stormed off to his office. The BC called in again and we were re-assigned yet again, this time to the Tillary Street firehouse. This was our third and final assignment for the day, and while Ladder 110 was there when we arrived, it was out of service due to damage it received while operating at Ground Zero. We would spend the remainder of the day there.

I remember arriving at Tillary Street and seeing a parade of trucks, pulling heavy equipment, lined up across the street from the firehouse waiting to proceed over the manhattan bridge, down Canal Street and eventually to arrive at Ground Zero. I was thinking how amazing, to be able to get all this equipment here in under 24 hours. In the distance, on the BQE, there were FDNY tow trucks and flat beds towing damaged equipment and apparatus from Ground Zero already. We checked our equipment to see if it was compatable with FDNY threads, and checked our hydrant hook-ups (our truck is a quint). Our liason was from a FDNY truck and we were all given assignments. I drew outside vent, (an assignment I was perplexed over and unsure of what to do) after we settled in, I asked the liason explain what was expected of me and what I should be doing on the fireground. Shortly after that we were dispatched on an alarm activation, which turned out to be nothing. When we arrived back at the station people had started to stop by with fruit, water, food and other things that were being collected by the department. Some people stopped by and asked to light candles for missing relatives and leave them outside the firehouse...it was emotional, to say the least, to watch this going on. At about 1530 we were released as Ladder 110 was back in service, there were no further assignments and we had been fully released to head home.

Our Captain that day was the son of a retired FDNY Rescue 5 Captain, he grew up in the city and knew his way around the city pretty well. His father had already been re-called to Ground Zero to assist with the efforts going on there. As we left Tillary Street I thought we were heading home, and I was disappointed we had not seen more action. When we entered the Battery Tunnel I realized where we were heading. We came out on the other side of the tunnel and the driver parked the truck a couple blocks off Wall Street. I didn't understand why we were there, I thought they had said we were heading home... After a few minutes the captain stated we were going to give a hand on what would become known as the "pile". I said I was surprised we had been assigned over there, and thats when I found out we had not. I felt like someone had just hit me in the gut, and knocked the wind out of me. It felt wrong, and I immediately voiced my opinion that we should not be there. The captain had other plans, he wanted to see what was going on, he wanted to see Ground Zero first hand.

We arrived at the south east corner of the site and it seemed worse than what I had seen on tv. There were thousands of firefigthers and volunteers every where. There were trac hoes and other heavy equipment moving rubble, the bucket brigades were working hard, and there was dust everywhere. The part of the south tower that managed to remain standing was visible from our vantage and the captain began to look for his father to try and get us an assignment. I again voiced my opinion that we should not be there, that it was disrespectful and that we were freelancing. The crew began to agree with me and the captain reluctantly agreed that we should head home. We arrived at our quarters at about 1845 with our chief waiting in a irrate state, apparently FDNY had called the county coordinator when we had been released and the chief had been expecting us back for quite some time. In the following days our captain had arranged for a few small crews to head over to the city to assist through the proper channels. I was never afforded the opportunity to go, guess he was a little upset that I spoke up when I did. I still stand beside my decision to this day. We didn't belong there, they were bringing their brothers home, and we were freelancing...

I've carried all this with me for some time now, and it wasn't until now that I really put it out there. I guess I'm really starting to heal from the events of those days cause I haven't been able to speak of this, and tell what I saw. I know my words here only begin to describe the images and mental pictures I will carry in my mind forever, but it's a step in the right direction to get my feelings out, and tell my little story that comes from a huge larger picture. It may not be of significance to anyone out there, but it's significant to me. Stay safe all...NEVER FORGET!!