Today my service brought in a six year old boy who did not make it. I then went to work at the same hospital where I walked by his body several times and I begun to wonder why I put myself through this kind of emotional charade the ups and downs, When at work I walked by his body but did not know he was gone. He was alone everytime I walked by the bay and the door was closed but I did not think much of it. I am sitting here after finding out and wondering why I do it. Why have I made the decision to put myself through this for the rest of my life? Why am I choosing to do this to feel like this? I don't understand why I do this to myself why do I feel guilt when we lose a pt. when I know there was nothing I could have done. It just doesn't seem right.

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Comment by Jenny on March 15, 2008 at 12:19am
We do it because even when all we can do is pick up the pieces, we do it with love and respect. I feel good knowing that the some of the last hands that touch that person are caring compassionate hands. It keeps you going for the times when you can save a life.
Comment by Clint M. Nelsen on March 6, 2008 at 2:49pm
I defnitely have to agree with the guys above. You do this so that the next there is someone that needs help, there IS someone to answer the call.
Comment by Rob Fritsche on February 28, 2008 at 12:42pm
Ido itall said it wll. You do this job because in the future there will be another 6 year old boy who does not die because of YOU.
Comment by lutan1 on February 20, 2008 at 10:09pm
In the discussion forums I started a thread asking what really motivates you to do what we do, and your sentiments are exactly what I was talking about.

We need to be serious about why we do this because shitty days like you've had are more common than the good ones where we save every single person we come across.

Your post is about reality, not the adrenalin rush and wanting to save everyone, becuase none of that will sustain us.

Keep your head up, stay strong- only you know why you really do this adn I've no doubt that you'll continue to do it for the right reasons....
Comment by IDoItAll on February 19, 2008 at 9:49pm
You do this because you want to make a difference. You will continue to do this because you WILL make a difference. Do you know how many times in 15 years I have gone home and cried? How many nights of sleep I have lost? I came to the realization that it isn't up to me who lives and who dies, but it is up to me to be there for them and for their families and if I can't help the patient then I can give them respect they deserve and I can hold up the families left behind. I can cry over them and then go out for the next one. I am not God but I have had thousands of people come up to me over the last 15 years and thank me and tell me how I helped them and I know that I was there for them and I did make a difference. I have learned to leave it behind and keep looking forward and you will make a difference when you are supposed to. I have learned that life is precious and I treat it like that. I make sure I tell people that I love them so if I lose them that will be the last thing I said to them. I make sure that people know they matter. I make sure that I carry a positive attitude into all I do and I leave my mark somewhere in this lifetime. You will be able to do that, remember that you will make a difference when you are supposed to! STAY STRONG!!!!

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