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The Continuing Chronicles of the FNG(irl): The Fit Test and Physical
First things first....I passed. (a barely stifled YIPPEEE!!)
Received my Class A certification card which will accompany me to my swearing-in.
There were some aspects to the physical and fit test that I found.....disconcerting:
1.) The eye test: after a rather frustrating several minutes with my face jammed up against what appeared to be a Fisher-Price Movie Viewer, and telling the examiner that I couldn't SEE "A-1" because it was missing....turns out that there was a big black dot of ink or something on the viewer (mascara?, not mine)that was obscuring the upper left corner of the screen. Calamity averted. Test passed.
2.) The Hearing Test: After holding my breath in that sound-proof booth for almost three minutes because I couldn't tell if I had actually heard a tone or just imagined it, and the sound of my exhalations was becoming a distraction...I started to feel like I was on "Win Ben Stein's Money".
3.) The Breath Test: Oh Yessss....THIS is just a barrel of laughs. I take my big deep "from the diaphragm" breath....whoosh it all out as instructed until I'm of the conviction that there is NO AIR left in my lungs or anywhere else in my body, and the examiner pats me on the back encouragingly and says...."c'mon....just a little bit more....keep going, keep going, keep going..." I'm looking at her and thinking....Lady...what is it that you want me to accomplish here? Aspirate my eyeballs? Then I finally get the beep and she says perkily...."Great!! Now you only have to do two more just like that" ...TWO MORE?? My lungs are on the FLOOR....wtf???
4.) The mask fit: Ok, this WAS fun...although the whole thing had a kind of Monty Python quality to it. I got a good seal on the first mask (small---thanks for the tip Kenzie)--then we started up with the silliness....nodding up and down....turning my head side to side....bending over again and again....then we got to the "try to dislodge the mask by making faces" ...and I got the giggles. Perky test examiner wasn't anywhere near as amused as I was at the "demonstration" grimacing she was doing....Me? I was almost on the floor. Our rapport kind of went downhill after that.
5.) The physical: I've had extensive physicals before, and this wasn't one of em. 15 minutes to hook me up to the EKG monitor to run five seconds of tape. We're done? Really? Alrighty then....
Next up: The Swearing In and Gear!!
Add a Comment
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Comment by GREENPANTS on January 24, 2008 at 1:16pm
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Pretty funny!! I remember years ago on my first physical for the dept. they had my paper work so screwed up (clinic) I ended up on the table for a pap!! I asked why? Do all ff's need this? She said umm no, but it says here you are due for one. I refused risk, and told my dept. what happened and they all laughed!!!! Amazingingly redick!!! Greenpants
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Comment by Mary Ellen Shea on January 22, 2008 at 11:21pm
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I don't think the Great Cos was talking about the breath test when he mentioned that....but it's still funny....
"And FIRE shot from her eyes...and her skull SPLIT...and she said...."who gave them chocolate cake"
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Comment by Joe Stoltz on January 22, 2008 at 11:19pm
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Ah yes the breath test... as Bill Cosby said: "You would NOT be surprised if you saw your SHOES come out..."
Your enthusiasm for this new facet of your life is infectious. Keep up the great work!
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I like to think of it as "character building" ...but I'm already a character...so.....
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Comment by Jeff Betz on January 22, 2008 at 10:33pm
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Isn't that just a barrel of fun? I love your descriptions of the fun-filled event. Just keep telling yourself, "this is good for me" :)
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Oh goody....can't wait.
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Comment by LadyChaplain on January 22, 2008 at 10:02pm
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Ohhh what fun! I'll have to share with you the chronicles of my initial firefighter physical... THAT was interesting, and slightly embarassing. Now just think, you'll have to do that all again next year! lol.
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