So I'm a short (5'3") Fire Fighter/ EMT and I get a lot of crap for my small stature. Hell... half of the crap I get I started.... I can take my punches... I can go with the flow and laugh at myself and admit when I can't do something... and I can dish sarcasm and retorts back as well.

I posted a blog a few days ago about how what somebody said to me had really gotten under my skin... I wasn't looking for sympathy or anything... just posted it as an anecdote of some of what's happened since I got into KVFD... and the responses I got made me think that a lot of people, for whatever reason, mistake the meaning of a lot of what I say... and also underestimate how strong of a person I really can be... which led me to thinking last night as I was at work (security for ESPN) what events in my life have given me the strength I need to push on and prove anyone and everyone who doubts me wrong.

Probably the most powerful piece of history I draw strength from are having survived 4 assaults... 1 with a deadly weapon... 3 without... by the same person who raped me... yes... it was rape even though the guy who did it was my boyfriend at the time. I don't talk about it much... I don't like to think about it... thankfully I bear no scars to serve as a physical reminder of the horror-filled nights of sitting in police stations... being treated by EMS workers I knew for injuries I was ashamed to explain... the plight of hiding bruises and scrapes and scratches and sprains from my parents to keep them from knowing what had happened... the terror that filled my whole being every time I had to walk in the dark on my own...

Secondly, I broke off my engagement to a wonderful guy to pursue fire fighting and EMS... I gave up what I knew would be a wonderful coexistence with someone who could very easily take care of me and whom I dearly loved... to pursue this career which I've dreamt of since I was a toddler...

Lastly, I battle with my health every day. While outwardly I may be smiling, many days I am dying on teh inside and I mean that quite literally. I'm diabetic for one... which should be easily controlled, but it's not... and battling tumors on top of that and near organ failure wasn't fun either... Death... or the prospect of death makes you reevaluate your life in ways you never imagined... and I'm determined not to give up my existence without accomplishing the dreams I've had since childhood.

Knowing how much I've sacrificed emotionally, mentally, and physically so far is what drives me to live through anything as long as i know in the end I have my turn out gear and my blue EMS helmet and can jump on the back of one of our trucks and respond to helpt those who are in the same predicament I found myself in... they can't help themselves... so that's when I step in for them...

That's what we do as EMS/ Fire fighters... we help those who can't at the moment help themselves... and had the EMS/ Police/ Fire fighters who responded to my incidents not been there... maybe I wouldn't have the strength and determination I have today to make sure my dreams become a reality.