I'm curious to know what your worst call has been during your career in Fire/EMS.
For me, it was a pedestrian vs Amtrak. We are all getting ready to hit the sack, it was approx 11:45pm and we were in the radio room shooting the sh*t. Up until that point, it had been a very uneventful shift.
The tones go off and call comes across as Pedestrian vs Amtrak...multiple stn's had been called out. We looked at each other and said "did we hear that right"....information is repeated and yes, we definately heard that right.
My partner and I were on the BLS truck that night...on the way to the call we were talking about who was gonna grab what off the truck...until proven otherwise you have to assume your pt is alive.
We grabbed our equipment off the truck and began our climb up the embankment to the tracks...it was cold...middle of Jan. He walked down one side of the tracks and I walked down the other...shining our flashlights looking for the victim....police were every where, helicopters flying overhead and other crews walking the tracks.
About a 1/4 mile down the tracks I found the first body part. His lower half, minus one leg bellow the knee.. my knee's were shaking from the adrenaline and this was the first time I had seen a dismembered body. As I stand there with the light on what I had found, my partner comes up to me and says " I would say this is a definative death"...a little further down the tracks is his torso, wide open and steaming in the cold air, then a little further from that was his head. Once the police radioed dispatch that the victim was dead we began our trek back to our ambulance. As we walked back we shone our lights to the ground being careful not to come across anything else or step on anything...we came across the odd piece of flesh, the size and shape of Saltine crackers....all in all though, it was a very "clean" scene. The impact had literally caused this victim to explode. .Neither my partner or I said one word as we walked to the truck. We put our gear back in the truck and headed back to the Stn. And again..not one word was said in the truck. The reality of what I had just seen had left me speechless and upset.
We arrived back at the Stn and parked the ambulance for the night. As soon as we got out of the truck, my partner asked me if I was OK , I immediately started to cry and he gave me a hug. We walked into the Stn and sat in the day room and talked briefly before the rest of the shift returned back. He went and talked with some of the guys about that call and as I sat alone in the day room listening to what was being said, I became more upset. The comments that were coming from these guys were insensitive and cold ( I now know that is how some of us deal with these traumatic calls)
For example....one guy says "did you see that baby, he was still smokin"..
One of the ALS guys that night came and sat and talked with me , he asked how I was doing and said "you've officially been baptized into the world of EMS"
He is also a flight medic and stated that through his 23 yr career that is the worse he has seen. We talked for well over an hr ....I ended up going home early and not finishing my shift that night. The next day the Chief called everyone involved regarding CISD and that if we needed some time off to take it.
Well, 6 people from that shift ended up taking time off, including myself. That call haunted me for a very long time. Every time I'd close my eyes at night and try to sleep that entire scene would replay over and over in my head. Day to day functioning for the first 2 days after that call was almost impossible...all I did was cry....and I couldn't understand why. NO, I did not know that victim, and at the time I wasn't quite sure why it was having such a profound effect on me. He was an 18yr old boy that committed suicide that night. He was someone's son, brother and friend.
The Chief suggested I go and talk to the County Shrink , I wasn't the only one that needed it. A couple sessions with him to teach you how to cope and deal with it helped immensely. After 2 wks I returned to work and carried on as though that call had never happened.
I was VERY fresh to Fire and Rescue when I had that call and thankfully, have not had to go through another call like that since. It is a call that will stay with me forever.
Some may call you weak when you show emotion in this line of work. Maybe I am weak...but it's because I care about the people we are here to help that sometimes I find myself getting emotional on some calls.
I think when we get to a point where we stop caring about our pt's , it's then time to leave EMS. If you don't care about the pt's you are there to help, then how can you possibly be a good EMT or medic. You have to care, to help!